Franklin Swann: So one night in a
moment of just sheer overwhelm and

confusion and desperation, I went out
into my garage and I balled up my fist

and I began to beat myself physically.

I would hit my face, I would hit my
arms, my legs, anywhere on my body.

I felt so unworthy and so much anger and
so much frustration towards myself for

being a man who couldn't get it done.

And my internal rules said, I can't
take this out on my wife and kids.

I can't take it out on somebody else.

But because I'm unworthy and because
I'm so worthless, the only person

that's okay to take it out on is myself.

Right now, the world needs great men who
will stand up and lead with honor, serve

with purpose, and courageously fulfill
their God-Given roles and responsibilities

as husbands, fathers, leaders, and
men, it's time we see more men thrive.

Marriages filled with passion
and families that flourish.

So whether you're a man struggling
to figure it all out, or an awesome

husband and dad looking for the next
level, you've come to the right place.

We are your hosts, Franklin Swann and
Tanner Hayes, bringing you practical,

applicable tools and strategies you
can use every day to build yourself

into the man God is calling you to be.

This is the world needs men.

Let's go.

Tanner Hays: Today, we're going to be
talking about origin story, specifically

your story, Franklin there's something
so powerful about someone's story

and where they came from and you've
shared your story with me and with

a few others, and I'm excited for
you to share it with our listeners.

Franklin Swann: Yeah, appreciate that.

I grew up in a smaller East Texas town,
Tyler, Texas, and had a great childhood,

spent the weekends hunting, fishing
with buddies and friends, played soccer.

And really had a great childhood growing
up and went to TCU, went to Fort Worth

for college and it was during that time
that I met my wife and, we got married

just right after school and went to
work in Dallas and went to work in

the commercial real estate world and she
was in staffing, had a great job and I

get into the real world, I think as a
newlywed husband there's nothing you want

more than to prove yourself to your wife.

There's nothing you want more than to show
her that she made the right choice, right?

I Start working with a couple of
brokers, really learning everything.

And right off the bat, I figured out this
is a lot harder than I realized it'd be.

And what started was the beginning
of what was two years of basically

not providing an income for my wife.

And...

The first year was me getting,
taking a draw and the second

year was me paying it back.

So the net effect of two years
of work was a lot of experience,

but no dollars to show for it.

And I found myself in this place where
I was a newlywed husband and I could

not put food on the table for my wife.

if I wasn't married during that
time and if she hadn't done so well

I literally would have probably
been starving on the street.

No matter how hard I worked, it just
didn't seem to work and I couldn't

figure it out and that began to eat at
me in a way that nothing else ever has

and I don't think at the time that I
even recognized just how how worthless

I began to feel being a man who couldn't
provide for his wife, who couldn't take

care of his family the way he wanted to.

I grew up in a family business
that's over a hundred years old, and

an opportunity came up for us to
move back home, move back to Tyler.

We wanted to do that, start a family,
and there was a piece of me that also

knew this is a way for me to provide.

This is a way for me to
to put food on the table.

And so we moved back to Tyler
and that was at the end of 08.

Beginning of 09, and so come right at
the beginning of the Great Recession.

And of course, business is tough.

So I come back into a
tough business environment.

There was a lot going on in the company.

We were trying to make some
decisions around how to do things.

But at the end of the day, I didn't
even know what I did not know about

the business my parents grew up in.

And so there was this sense of
frustration of, I don't know

what I'm doing in this business.

I Still didn't feel worthy for my wife.

We were going through a really
hard time trying to have a family.

We had been through several miscarriages.

We had gone through multiple rounds
of IBF, which is massively hard

on, on my wife and on us both.

So now I'm in this place where I
still don't feel like I'm showing up.

I still don't feel like
I'm able to produce.

I'm just stressed and I don't have answers
and we're going through all this challenge

trying to have a family and the stress
begins to build and it begins to pile and

I, looking back, I didn't realize at the
time, but the only thing I could figure

out to do is, was start exercising and
working out and doing these really long

runs just to try to deal with the stress.

It started with marathons and
me doing, these 26 mile runs

and those weren't quite enough.

I've increased those to 50 mile
races and all of a sudden I'm doing

ultras just trying to burn off the
stress of being a man who doesn't

understand how to get it done.

Move from that.

That wasn't good enough.

And so I started doing these boot
camps, these deal called go rucks.

There were 24 and 48 hour events where
green berets lead you through all kinds

of hell and beat you up for a while.

And then did Seal Fit Kokoro Camp, which
was a 50 hour event led by Navy SEALs.

Simulating a lot of what
is the Navy SEAL Hell Week.

But none of that was doing anything
but increasing the stress and

the pain that I was feeling.

So we finally get pregnant and around
that same time we had decided as a

business to, to move our company to a new
location to actually build a building.

And so when you go through the
moving process with a business, it's

almost like starting over again.

It's almost like birthing a new company.

Here I am trying to run this company
and my newborn son is born basically

the same month that we decide, or
that we open this new business.

And that's when the real stress starts.

Now, when I'm at home, I feel stressed
that I'm not at the office trying to

get this business back off the ground.

When I'm at the business, I'm
stressed that I'm, and I'm, I

feel guilty that I'm not at home
with my newborn son and my wife.

This pressure begins to build and I begin
to develop this sweating disorder and the

anxiety that I was feeling got so deep and
strong that I would take five undershirts

in my backpack with me to work every day
because I would sweat so profusely that if

I didn't switch out my shirt every couple
of hours, I would sweat through all of it

and you would see these giant sweat marks
Coming all the way down, my shirt almost

to my belt, and it was like a fire was
just burning inside of me of anxiety and

stress and overwhelm and hopelessness
and desperation, and I had no answers.

I felt inadequate for my family.

I felt inadequate for my wife.

Incapable in business.

And there was nowhere I could
turn, that there was, I felt

like I had no one to go to.

I was praying things just
weren't turning around.

The workouts were not working
and I couldn't figure out

how to deal with the stress.

So one night and just in a moment of
just sheer overwhelm and confusion

and desperation, I went out into my
garage and I balled up my fist and

I began to beat myself physically.

I would hit my face, I would hit my
arms, my legs, anywhere on my body.

I felt so unworthy and so much anger and
so much frustration towards myself for

being a man who couldn't get it done.

And my internal rules said, I can't
take this out on my wife and kids.

I can't take it out on somebody else.

But because I'm unworthy and because
I'm so worthless, the only person

that's okay to take it out on is myself.

I had all this pain and I...

I just wanted to feel something.

And night after night, I would
sneak out into the garage,

and I would just beat myself.

And every time I did, I felt
even more shame, even more

guilt, and it was crushing.

I was so ashamed of who I had become,
and I didn't even know how I got there.

And so one night, I go inside, I
got home, and I'm walking through

my little, in my living room,
and at the time, my son's three.

And I see him walk through the living room
and he gets mad at himself and he takes

his fist and he hits himself in the face.

I thought, Oh God,

he's picking up what I
thought I was hiding.

I'm bringing this into my home
and I didn't even know it.

I saw firsthand what it looks
like when a man transfers

his pain onto his own family.

And I felt even more lost.

So it's not long after that,
I'm in the garage again,

because I still had no answers.

Just wailing away at myself, just
self destructing, and I hear a voice.

And this voice just
says to me, what's next?

What's next?

And I stopped in that moment, and I
knew that God was speaking into my

heart, into my soul, into my mind.

Cause he knew where I was headed
and he knew where this road led.

It was getting worse and worse.

And if I did not change course, I would
be heading down the road of suicide.

And I would look up one day and the
only answer would be a gun in my mouth.

My wife told me at the time
before she knew that I was beating

myself, she had told my mom.

I think Franklin's suicidal.

And I think a big part of my parents,
they didn't know how to handle that.

They didn't know what to do.

They didn't want to believe it.

Who would?

And she said that she had resigned
herself to the fact that she was going

to have to carry the family emotionally.

I got home yesterday evening.

I opened my garage door.

And my now 11 year old son runs
into me, wraps his arms around me,

says, Dad, I'm so glad you're home.

I love you.

How was your day?

I'm sitting at date night with my wife
this week, and she looks at me with

this look that just pierces my soul,
and she says, I feel safe with you.

You make me feel so safe.

I'm hugging my daughter last night,
right before she goes to bed and I

hear the most angelic words a father
can hear from his little girl.

I love you, Daddy.

I go into my business and I've become
a man who can lead a company, who

can lead teams and there is order and
there is stability and there is growth.

And we're thriving.

I'm able to hear God speak into my heart
and into my soul and guide me daily.

I can look in the mirror today
and I can actually love the man

that I see looking back at me.

And I'm proud of who I am.

There are so many men.

Who are dying in silence,
who are suffering and stuck.

There are so many men who just don't
have an answer because I was that guy.

I learned that the most dangerous pain a
man can have is the pain that he can hide.

When I was beating myself
up in the garage, the thing

about it is, I don't bruise.

No matter how hard I've ever hit myself,
no matter how brutal the beatings were

at night, that I inflicted on myself,
no one would ever know, physically.

You could not see it.

And there are so many men
who carry a pain with them.

Maybe they're not inflicting physical
pain on themselves like me, but

maybe they are carrying so much pain
emotionally, mentally, spiritually.

And they don't know what to do with
it, but they do know how to hide it.

And that is the pain that is killing them.

Eating them alive from the inside out.

And the reason I know
is because that was me.

I had no answers.

I had no way of getting
out of the space I was in.

But I found the way.

And I found...

A path to becoming a man that made
my family feel loved and feel safe,

who could provide, who could protect,
who could love, who could lead.

This podcast is for the men who
are suffering right now in silence.

This podcast is for the
men who are so desperate.

to just be the man that their family
deserves, the man that they want to be,

the man that God has called them to be,
but they just don't know how to do it.

This is for the man who is just stuck,

and we are going to go on a journey
of sharing our story and our path.

that restored order to my life and brought
healing back into my family and ignited

a fire and a passion within my marriage

that sparked love and safety
and security for my children

and that made me into a
man who loves his life.

That's what this is about.

Men are suffering.

Men are dying, families are
falling apart, marriages are being

crushed, and men have no way out.

And it's up to us to share.

It's up to us to lead.

It's up to us to band together and
turn on the light in the darkness.

Every man has so much darkness, but
he has to know what to do with it, and

he has to know how to transform that.

Cause your greatest darkness, when
it's brought into the light, loses

all its power, but it can become
your greatest weapon when it is

used for the service of others.

That's why we're here.

Tanner Hays: Gosh, that's so powerful
hearing you tell that story, even

though I've already heard it.

It just gives me so much more
respect for you as a person.

But even more important than
that, there's so many men out

there just like that, that are.

Hoping for a way out of the
darkness and looking for a guide.

And that's what we want this
podcast to be is for anyone that's

listening, that if you resonate with
that story and you can see yourself

in that story, this is for you.

Franklin Swann: If I can expose where I
was at and share what I've gone through,

and if that can help even one man find
his way out, then it's all worth it.

Tanner Hays: Absolutely.

Franklin Swann: So moving forward with
this podcast, we are going to be laying

out the path that we have taken to
restore order to ourselves mentally,

physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

We're going to be talking about specifics.

We're going to be bringing on guest
speakers who can dive deep into

These topics and conversations that
matter for men, our families and

our wives and our children deserve
it, they need it, they want it, but

we've got to do something about it.

Men have to stand up and
fight for their families.

The world needs men.

And that's why we're here.

That's what we are focused
on every single episode.

Bringing You.

The applicable practical tools
to restore order to your life.

Tanner Hays: We ask that if you found
value in this, that you subscribe to the

podcast and share it with someone that you
think would find value in this as well.

Franklin Swann: If there's a man
that you know who would benefit from

this, please share it with them.

We want to get these messages and
these tools and resources out to as

many men as we can so that marriages
can be thriving, families can heal.

So kids have great dads so that wives
have great husbands and one man at a time.

In this world, we can make a difference.