Franklin: [00:00:00] Right now, the world needs great men who will stand up and lead with honor, serve with purpose, and courageously fulfill their God given roles and responsibilities as husbands, fathers, leaders, and men. It's time we see more men thrive, marriages filled with passion, and families that flourish. So whether you're a man struggling to figure it all out, or an awesome husband and dad looking for the next level, you've come to the right place.
We're your hosts, Franklin Swan and Tanner Hayes, bringing you practical, applicable tools and strategies you can use every day to build yourself into the man God is calling you to be. This is The World Needs Men.
Tanner: Let's go. Welcome back to the world needs men podcast. We're your host, Tanner Hayes,
Franklin: Franklin Swan.[00:01:00]
Tanner: Today, we're going to be talking about the four traits of an elite man. And Franklin, I'm really excited about this podcast. I think our listeners are going to get a lot of value out of this. And as we go through those four traits.
Franklin: Yeah. And just to hit on it real quick, men, we're doing this because we have a very strong pull to see men show up better.
The world needs more men. The world needs better husbands, better fathers. We all have to wake up every day and just take a stand for what's right. Take a stand for the people we care about. And there's just, there's not enough of this message in the world. And so this is meant to inspire, to motivate, to encourage, to Men, regardless of where you are, who you are everywhere to, to show up a little bit better for the people that, uh, that matter every single day.
Tanner: And really what we're talking about here is you becoming your best version. And we believe that [00:02:00] your family deserves the best version of yourselves. They want the best version of yourself and they, they want it and need it.
Franklin: They absolutely need it. Want it. Deserve it. Like they deserve the best of you, not the leftovers, not the, uh, not the half matured version of you.
They deserve the best of all of us, like as men. So going through, we're going to go through four different traits. Of what an elite man looks like. And I'm going to say right off the bat, like the hardest work we do men is on ourselves. I mean, our jobs are hard. Marriage can be hard. Raising a family is difficult.
Raising kids is challenging, but I would propose and have you consider that, that the work we do on ourselves is. The most difficult work, but it's also the most rewarding work and it's the most impactful work when we can grow as men in the areas of life that we're going to describe below. And, uh, and, and in this podcast, [00:03:00] it helps us to show up.
It helps us to be present. It helps us to be productive in our homes and our jobs and in our families, but it all starts with us and it starts with a willingness and a humility and a determination to step into taking a look at ourselves really reflecting on where we are and being willing to kind of peel things back and face some hard facts and and confront the men potentially that we have been and to you.
And to courageously step forward into a new reality with that and to change things.
Tanner: Yeah,
Franklin: absolutely.
Tanner: So the first trait that we're going to talk about is healthy. Your family deserves, wants, and needs a healthy husband and father.
Franklin: We've broken this down in, uh, in previous episodes. What we call healthy is across four Areas of your physical body, your your mental capacities and facilities, [00:04:00] it's your emotions.
And finally, it's your spiritual life, your faith, your belief in God. Physical is real easy. I mean, it's It's not easy, but it's simple to understand. It's a healthy body that has capacity to show up in and be of service to your family. Your wife and Children need that. They deserve that. They want a healthy man.
I think the most important two elements are the mental and emotional and maybe important. It's not the right way to put it, but it's the the most overlooked. So when it comes to your mental capacity or your mental clarity, do you find yourself ruminating and cycling through beliefs or stories about your family or stories about life that just create tension, create disconnection, disconnect you from your wife, your kids, create strife in some way, create conflict.
Like if you do, you have to get a handle on [00:05:00] that. So that they're not sidelining you and derailing you from, from showing up as a present man. Emotional control. I would call this number one men. We have got to get a handle on our emotions. If our wife or children can't come in the room without apprehension, that's a problem.
If they're not sure if we're going to snap, blow up or fly off the handle, then we are not creating a safe, harmonious environment for them where they can feel loved. And, and it is up to us and it is a matter of maturity. It is a matter of discipline to get a handle on your emotions and gain control of those.
A emotionally out of control man will wreck his life if he's not careful. And then spiritual connection, it's important for us to have. a relationship with God to be able to lead our families in our faith and step into that space and, and know how to develop, cultivate, and nurture a deep, [00:06:00] meaningful relationship with God.
So healthy men, Is the first element of, uh, in the first trait that an elite man has got to have. Like you can't be an elite man and be unhealthy. You can't be an elite man with a sick body, a mind full of confusion, emotions that are out of control, and then a spiritual disconnection in your life like that.
It's, it's not possible. So you have to step into figuring this out and make progress towards it every single day.
Tanner: Well, and that's why we put healthy. First on this list, because if you're not healthy, it's going to make the, the, these next three much more difficult.
Franklin: Yeah. It's foundational and not, and it does come first.
I think that, uh, that it's the best starting place. If, if a man is, is struggling or if he's, is, if he's doing really great, either one. To start by just looking at the, you know, how healthy are you in those areas is a great starting place and it creates a foundation that you can then build additional [00:07:00] skills and traits and inabilities on top of, but it really does need to come first.
Tanner: So number one, healthy. Number two is honorable.
Franklin: Your family deserves, wants, and needs an honorable man. This, this is really about integrity. Uh, it's about your actions. It's about your thoughts. It's about the words that you speak. You know, it can be thought of as a, as a high standard of conduct, but we're going to approach it a little bit differently today and, and get a little bit, maybe in your face about it, but it's It's do you make your family proud, like do the actions that you take every single day is who you are as a man.
And this isn't about how much money you make, this isn't about how big of a house you have or what kind of a car you drive. Like you could be the richest man on the block or the poorest man on the street, but it's about how you live your life. Can your family look at you and know that they're, that they have a husband and father.
in their [00:08:00] life that they can be so proud of every single day because of who he is. Fundamentally, and fathers, I'm going to, and husbands and men, I'm going to challenge you with this. It is the things that we hide that create the disconnections in our marriage, in our, in our life. It is, you know, are we deleting our browsing history?
Are we, are we hiding a few extra cans at the bottom of the trash can? Are we deleting text messages or, or trying to hide, uh, you know, what we were looking at, uh, on the internet or. A conversation we had or Tanner's you're saying, you know, turning off your, uh, your, your location. Like if we are hiding things like that, we are acting out of a place of dishonor, plain and simple.
And, and integrity is about the alignment of like what you're trying to lead your family in and what you are living out every day. It, that is the connection. [00:09:00] It's funny. I remember when I was going into business school, they asked me a question during the interview and they said, you know, give me your definition of integrity.
And honestly, at the time she asked me that, and I don't think I even knew what it was like, because my, my answer to her was something along the lines of doing whatever it took to win. And I remember her looking at me and, and saying, are you sure that's your answer? And that was the best thing I had. And, and I said, yeah, that was it.
I still get into business school, so I don't know what that says. But, but I have since learned a lot and realized that you know, we learn things, we live things, and we lead things. But what we lead has to come from a place of what we're living. It's walking the walk. It's talking the talk. And if there's a disconnection from those, if the things that we're saying are different from the things that we're doing, then that is a lack of integrity.
And that is an [00:10:00] indicator of not living an honorable life. So when it comes to living honorably, we want to be living out our life. Where there's a connection between what we say and what we do, what we're living, and then what we're leading. Because our kids are watching, our wives are waiting, like they need men, they want men that they can trust in.
That is what honor does. It creates trust and safety within your home so that they know that they can count on you. And then it's just so critical.
Tanner: Right. And fathers are, are you demonstrating what it looks like to be a man to your son? And for those of you that have daughters, are you demonstrating what the kind of man that you want your daughter to eventually
Franklin: marry?
Because they're looking at us every single day, they're watching. And, and that is one of the greatest impacts they have on making those two critical decisions for our sons, who they will be for our daughters, who they will potentially marry. And, and it starts with, with [00:11:00] showing up honorably.
Tanner: So we got healthy, honorable, and the third is humble.
Franklin: So humble is an interesting one because I think a lot of times we can look at humility and think of it maybe as weakness or thinking, Oh, I just need to put myself last all the time. And I want to propose A little bit of a different perspective on it. You know, I think the opposite of humble is really just arrogance.
It's pride. It's it's our ego, and it's allowing those kind of emotions to get in the way and to drive what we do. But I think That humility ultimately is one of the greatest indicators and expressions of real inner strength. Like it takes, it is hard and it takes real strength to set your ego aside, man, to set our, to set our pride aside, to take Ownership, responsibility and be accountable for [00:12:00] everything admits when he's wrong, takes responsibility for his actions and assumes accountability for everything in his life.
That is humble. And he doesn't, he doesn't blame other people when things don't go his way. He doesn't blame things on the economy, on the government, on his wife, on his kids, on his boss, on this job, on whoever. Right. He just looks at things as they are and accepts responsibility and accountability. And there's a ton of humility that has to go into that.
One of the experiences I had that was very humbling and, and it was really difficult. So I came home one day and this is a few months ago and I come inside and I'm talking to my wife for a second. And I didn't realize that. That I was talking in some particular way, but my son, he, uh, he goes to my mom a little bit or to my wife, his mom a little bit later and he says, so help me understand if I spoke to you the way [00:13:00] dad did, you know, I would be grounded, but dad can speak to you that way.
And he doesn't get in trouble. And my son's 11 years old. And I, and it was like, Oh my gosh, that just, that really hurt in it. And it took a minute. Like I could feel my ego and my pride welling up and you know, Oh, I wasn't talking that way or, you know, You know, I could have easily snapped back and just kind of, you know, I could have put him in his place and I could have just, I could have really taken out some anger, taking out my own pride, my own ego, my own hurt out on him.
And it took me some time to process. I just kind of had to breathe through it and think through it. And in what I came to was. You know, bottom line for my son, if he gets to be the litmus test, if I'm speaking to his mother in any other way other than honor and love and respect and appreciation, then I told him later on, we, uh, I went on a run, he came along with me on a bike ride and, [00:14:00] and I told him, son, you have my permission to call me out.
And I appreciate. The fact that you said something and I respect the fact that you had the courage to say something because most. Most boys wouldn't. And so I was able to honor him in that moment for his courageous action. I was able to be humble enough to learn from my son. I was able to swallow my ego and my pride and go, you know what?
There's some truth in this. And there's an opportunity for me to learn, and there's an opportunity for me to demonstrate how I'm going to respond to this, because one day he's going to take his cue on how he treats his son or his daughter and his wife in a situation just like this. And is it with love and understanding and in humility, or is it with pride, arrogance, ego and in reacting?
Tanner: I love that story because you're giving him some authority to kind of hold up a mirror to you, which [00:15:00] really what that does is that's allowing him to feel safe to come to you, whereas he could easily just see an interaction like that and be like, well, It's okay for him to do it and then never actually bring it up.
So one, I mean, kudos to him for actually bringing it to, to y'all and kudos to you for having the humility to accept that and not justify your actions in front of your, your son. Cause you easily could have. Right. And could have easily justified it to you, to your wife, but I feel like that's such a powerful interaction that y'all had.
Franklin: Yeah. And you know, the first thing that came up for me was one like that, that pride that it welled up inside absolutely wanted to just react and wanted to push that away and not acknowledge it at all and certainly not affirm him and what he was bringing. But I think men, that's the opportunity we have to, to be able to start doing some work on ourselves to where we can feel that.
That thing kind of [00:16:00] welling up inside of us, and we can have enough wherewithal and enough awareness to take a breath and to take a step back, not react in the moment, and allow ourselves to process through so that we can respond in a way to That is loving and beneficial, and it may be that you're in a situation where it's it's a different case and and you don't need to respond that way, but at least you're thinking through it and doing it in an intentional way, but it did take some time, and so none of us are immune to this like we have egos.
We have pride like that's not going to go away. But it's the ability for us to develop this trait of humility so that we gain control of that. And we're able to step in and my son can know that, hey, dad's a safe space, even for me to be able to say something that might upset him, offend him, whatever the case may be.
And so. That's a gift that I was able to give to him, but even more so his gift gift I could give to myself because now I can be [00:17:00] proud of how I responded versus guilty and shameful about how I reacted. So it's super important, man, for us to just be humble with our families. I'm going to share something real quick.
This is, this is a super skill is what I'm going to call it. And it took me a long time to learn and I messed this up. Countless times where I would be talking to my wife and she would have something that was important, something that was meaningful to her and not necessarily a fight, but, but something that was an emotional moment, right?
Where she was communicating with me and because of my ego and pride, I would take that personally. I would take it personally and I would disconnect myself from her emotionally because now I start letting my pride, my ego get in the way and instead of just being able to hold space, hear what she has to say and be supportive to her, I would take offense to it.
And not be humble in that moment and just not be able to show up in that space in the way [00:18:00] that my wife really needed and what I learned in this has been a made a radical shift in my ability to really, I think, give my wife what she needs in those moments and my kids when I do something wrong, when I mess up, we all mess up men.
Like, we are going to screw up, we are going to make mistakes, we are going to fall short. Like, we're human and that's okay. But what, what happened is I would, I would mess up and she would bring it to my attention and I would say, well, I'm sorry, but then I'd follow with a but, or I'd follow with a justification.
I would follow with a reason. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I didn't mean to do that. That wasn't my intention. And anytime I did that, it was a false apology. It was not a real apology, and instead of me just taking full responsibility, I was quasi taking responsibility, but then really shifting the blame and the focus onto something else.
And what I learned, and this is a super skill, husbands, if you can do this, and it takes some work and it [00:19:00] takes some inner strength, but when you mess up, just apologize and then stop talking. Just, sweetie, I'm so sorry. I am so sorry I hurt you. I am so sorry that I hurt your feelings. And then stop. Don't follow it up with justification.
Don't follow it up with more reasoning and more explanation. Like, just hold space for where she needs to be. And don't try to force her out of that space. And just have the courage and have the humility to own what you've done. And to go, gosh, sweetie, I am so sorry that I hurt your feelings. And then just stop and let her have some space and let her share then what she needs to share and to be able to fully express herself and know that she's in a safe space and can count on you to be able to hold that space in that moment.
Like that is an elite level skill, men, for [00:20:00] us to be able to hold space for our wives, not get sucked into our own ego and pride, and just be able to be there for them in that moment, fully present. And. Just catch them and just be there for whatever it is that they need to send her away. Like, we should be capable of that, and that should be the vision of who we're trying to become for our, for our wives.
So, that is how you start being humble, is you start just apologizing without, Any kind of alibi, explanation, reasoning, just, just do that one thing. And then if you can do that, and if you can just take responsibility, take responsibility for everything. Quit blaming, quit, quit looking for somebody else to be the responsible party when it needs to be us men.
That's what it needs to be.
Tanner: That's so good. So we got healthy, honorable, humble, and our fourth trait is heroic. [00:21:00]
Franklin: This one's my favorite. This one's my absolute favorite. I believe we need more heroic men in this world. And when I say heroic, we probably go to more of a, uh, you know, we think of a, of a superhero.
We think of Maybe somebody out of a movie, some fictional character. And, you know, the reality is, is like, there are no superheroes in that way. Uh, it makes good, it makes for a good movie, but it does not make for a real. reality in a real husband and father that is needed in a home. And so, of course, we can look at the, an image of a man running into a burning building to save somebody.
And is that heroic? Absolutely. That is absolute heroism at its best. But I'm going to propose that Man, we have an opportunity every single day to be heroic for our families in the very small daily things that we look over. We minimize, we [00:22:00] don't see them as maybe very important, but man, it's so important.
If you, to give you some examples, if you're running to Walgreens at 12 in the morning, For your little girl who's got, who's sick and you need to pick her up a little cough medicine or whatever the case may be and you know, you've still got to get up at 5 a. m. to get to work on time, you know that you're, you're exhausted, you're tired and yet you're getting a little bit of sleep and you're going to get back and you're going to spend more time with her.
That is heroic. And to give you a definition, my definition of what I believe a heroic man looks like in a way that we can actually implement it in our lives, a heroic man is one who does the right thing at the right time, regardless of the cost and consequence to him. I'm going to say it again. A heroic man is one who does the right thing at the right time, regardless of the Of the cost and consequence to him.
So, however your family needs to be served, like, they [00:23:00] need a heroic man. They need, they want a heroic man. They, they deserve a heroic man. And it's our ability to courageously step into the big and small actions. It's the willingness and knowing that if my daughter was in the street, I would run out to grab her regardless of what car or truck was coming, and I would do everything I could to save her.
I would do the right thing at the right time regardless of what the cost or consequence could be to me. That is what a heroic man is called to do. A heroic man is called to stand in front of his family. It is called to stand in the gap, and it requires for us to be willing. able, ready to do that right thing at the right time and to set aside the cost, to set aside the consequence, to not consider those things because those things will keep us stuck in our head.
Those things will keep us out of doing what's right at the right time. And so our wives and our kids need heroic men, [00:24:00] men who they can be proud of, men who they know will show up. And It just is one of the greatest gifts that I think we could give our families is that heroic model of what a man could be.
Tanner: I love that image of the heroic traits being found in the mundane, simple daily activities that you do. And really that could be doing your core four and hitting that for a month or six months or a year that could fall under that category.
Franklin: Yep. That's such a great point. A heroic man, man, if you're unhealthy today and you get yourself healthy, you just turned into a heroic man because you did the right thing at the right time.
And you set aside your comfort, your Maybe a little bit of extra sleep or your hobbies, your interests, like you set that aside for something greater. You did the right thing at the right time. That is heroic. Or you showed up as an honorable man. You quit [00:25:00] doing that thing that you're having to hide that's creating negative energy in your, in your marriage, in your home that you know is between you and your wife.
Like you quit doing that thing so you don't have to hide it anymore. And that's heroic, or you show up and you become this humble man who just quietly assumes the responsibilities that are in front of him for his family and his family develops this sense of trust and this sense of safety around him and they feel loved like you are heroic in that moment.
So this, this can apply to so many areas of life, but I think the thing that throws it off is this, this idea that we have to do something superhuman or supernatural. We look to that once in a lifetime moment that may or may not come as being, as being the heroic thing, but I would just propose that when a man shows up as a husband and father who is present, active, And available in his family's life.
He is a hero. You men, you need to see yourselves as a hero [00:26:00] when you're doing those things. It is not the man with the cape. It is not the superhero in the movies. You dad are a hero. You husband who show up and love your wife are a hero. And what's interesting, I think this is really interesting. I was thinking about this the other day.
You look at all the superheroes, look at Superman, Spider Man, Batman. Not one of them is a father. Not one of them. They can save the world. Not one of them is a dad. Not one of them is a husband. I think that's really profound. I think that's something to step back and go, you know what, they, they portray these superheroes in the movies and not one of them is a real hero.
Because the real heroes are doing the quiet, unappreciated, unnoticed work at 12 o'clock at night when they're holding their little girl who can't sleep because she's got an ear infection. That's a hero, not the man that you see in the movie. And so, man, this just gets me fired up because men, if there's [00:27:00] anything that we're talking to you about today, like for you to start seeing yourself as a hero for your family, a hero in your family's life and realizing and understanding how desperately they need a hero, a real hero.
Man, that, that is something you can take to the bank. That is something that you can start to, to really embrace and just know can be true for you.
Tanner: And then this is hard, difficult work, but the work that we do on ourselves and in our personal development. It's so rewarding and it has such a huge impact on the people closest to us, of course, but even those in our community and at our jobs as well.
Franklin: So to go back over these real quick, what is an elite man? What are the traits that we propose an elite man looks like? Number one, he is a healthy man, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Second, he is honorable. He has integrity in his words, his actions, his [00:28:00] thoughts. He's someone who his family can be proud of.
Next, he's humble, like he just takes responsibility. He doesn't blame others. He doesn't pass the buck. He assumes accountability, and he's someone who creates safety and trust and love within his home. And then finally, An elite man is a hero to his family. He does the right thing at the right time, regardless of what it costs him or what those consequences to him may be.
He steps in the gap and he does what's right. So how do we put this into practice? How do we actually make this something practical that we can take away and do something with? So. I think it's really vital men for us to create a vision for who we want to become. Like what's the picture of, of the man that, uh, that we ultimately want to be in the Bible.
It says where there is no vision, the people perish. Well, when a man does not have a vision of a better version of [00:29:00] himself, he ends up defaulting into the version that he is. I think it's, It's really important for us to have a more powerful, more positive, more productive vision of who God's created us to be, knowing that there's more, there's more inside of every single one of you.
And so first we have to create that image and we have to know what it looks like. And then you take a step back from that and then you ask yourself the question, who would I have to be to become that man? What would have to be true in my life? You know, what would have to be true about how you are able to respond?
Emotionally or to think through situations or is it your physical body that's standing in the way, you know, is it your spiritual connection that's that's needing some work because that's that's the real obstacles you have in your life right now. So you really have to understand who would you have to be to become that man when you get that picture in your mind and understand who you'd have to be, then you can understand.
Okay, what's the number one obstacle? [00:30:00] Right now, standing between me and who I would have to become. What is that thing? Is it that thing that I'm hiding, right? That just kind of eats me alive inside? Is it my emotional reactions in my home and the fact that I just kind of fly off the handle all the time?
Do I just need to get up and start working out and actually take care of this body that God's given me? Or maybe I just need to start seeing myself properly and start seeing myself as the hero. In my family's life and realizing that the small actions I take every single day are so important and are eternal in nature.
And then once you have all that, all you need to do is say, okay, what is the number one action I can take today that I can take tomorrow that I can begin to implement in my life on a daily basis that will help me to remove that obstacle? Move towards that man that I want to become and realize the full potential that God's placed in me.
Tanner: That's so good. So [00:31:00] we start off with the powerful vision, who you want to become, what would it take to become that man? What are the obstacles and what's the one action you can take right now to become that version of yourself?
Franklin: If you committed to improving yourself 1 percent every single day, One year from now men, you would be a completely different human being.
You would completely transform your life just by the commitment to make one little change, 1% change every single day. It's the buildup over time. It's the compounding of our habits. It's the commitment to doing that work, that little bit of work every single day that transforms us. It's not a, all of a sudden, everything just changes.
It's transformation and transformation takes time. So, we hope that you found some benefit in this. We hope that, man, you'll embrace the truth that your family deserves the best [00:32:00] version of you that you can possibly give them. They deserve it, they need it, and they want it. Your family deserves, needs, and wants a healthy, humble, honorable, and heroic man.
So, whoever you are and wherever you are, just make the commitment, like, that's who you're gonna be. Little by little. And when you fail and when you fall short and when you mess up, just dust yourself off, get back up, and keep going. Because you're gonna fail. We're all gonna fail. I'm gonna fail with my family.
I'm gonna fall short. And it's not perfection that we're after, that's not the game. It's the willingness to show back up and continue to make progress. Our families want to know that we will not quit on them. And if we quit just because we hit one little roadblock, they cannot trust us. They can't believe in us.
We can't be the heroes to them. Be the man they know that is going to show back up even when he falls short. Be the man who, who they can count on [00:33:00] even on the hard days. Take this, spend some time with it, create that vision of who you want to be, and make the commitment to yourself because your family is worth it.
Tanner: We ask that if you found value in this, that you subscribe to the podcast and share with someone that you think would find value in this as well.
Franklin: If there's a man that you know who would benefit from this, please share it with them. We want to get These messages and these tools and resources out to as many men as we can so that marriages can be thriving, families can heal.
So kids have great dads so that wives have great husbands and one man at a time in this world, we can make a [00:34:00] difference.