Franklin: [00:00:00] Right now, the world needs great men who will stand up and lead with honor, serve with purpose, and courageously fulfill their God given roles and responsibilities as husbands, fathers, leaders, and men. It's time we see more men thrive, marriages filled with passion, and families that flourish. So whether you're a man struggling to figure it all out, or an awesome husband and dad looking for the next level, you've come to the right place.
We're your hosts, Franklin Swan and Tanner Hayes, bringing you practical, applicable tools and strategies you can use every day to build yourself into the man God is calling you to be. This is The World Needs Men. Let's go. All right. Welcome back to the world needs men podcast. I am [00:01:00] your host today.
Franklin Swan actually doing my first solo recording. So here we go. The name of this podcast is going to be the world needs present fathers. The world needs men who show up for their wives and their kids, not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and I've really been convicted to do this particular message and, and I've had this on my heart for quite a while, but I really Had it all come home.
Uh, in the past week, I was at a conference with my wife and we had the pleasure of listening to this gentleman, Dr. Brian Lawrence. I'd never heard of him before, but he's a pastor and author and a speaker. And during this three day conference, he would give the opening message every single morning and just an incredible speaker.
He's written a book called the dad difference, which. I picked up and started reading shortly after the conference, but on the first day he's talking and going through some [00:02:00] different stuff and he shared this statistic with me that I'd never heard before. I've, I've heard plenty of, uh, stats on the reality of what happens to kids in fatherless homes, but he had this one that just hit home particularly hard and, uh, just kind of blew my mind.
And I'm sitting there and he's talking and he, he says that the United States leads the world in single parent homes. I'll say that again. The United States as a country has more single parent homes than any other country. And then if you, if you dig in and look a little bit deeper of those homes, over 80 percent are headed by a woman, by the mother or a grandmother.
And so when you look at this, there's, that means that one in four children in the U. S. lives, almost lives at home without a father. And, and that [00:03:00] just, that just jumped out at me, and it's like, how in the world are, are we, the United States of America, how in the world to be a country founded on Judeo Christian principles, to be one of the most affluent countries in the world with, with so much good going on in this country, and yet We have more fatherless homes than anywhere else and this just really just kind of ate at my heart as I was sitting there listening to this and I go, golly, that's a problem.
Like that is, that is a massive, massive problem and you know, for men, for any of you who don't know, I'm going to go through some, just some of the statistics and really I'm going to change statistics to consequences because that's what they really are. I mean, statistics are, are kind of. You know, just arbitrary, not arbitrary, but just, they're just numbers.
They're just facts. But the reality is that these statistics are consequences [00:04:00] that the children and the women who care for the children have to carry and, and pay the price for because of men who don't show up. The fatherless home in America, a fatherless home for the children and for the family will create a greater risk of poverty.
Uh, those children will be more likely to have behavioral problems. There is a greater risk of infant mortality in a fatherless home. Children in a fatherless home are more likely to go to prison, more likely to commit a crime, more likely to become pregnant as a teen. Children in fatherless homes are more likely to face abuse and neglect.
They are more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol. They are more likely to suffer obesity and they are more likely to drop out of school and the list goes on. When a father doesn't show up in his home, it's catastrophic. I had the, the privilege of mentoring a young man for, for [00:05:00] many years here in my hometown and uh, and I, I get to see this firsthand.
So I mentored for about 10 years. When I started mentoring the young boy that they paired me up with, he was in third grade. And at the time he had, I think, two or three siblings. By the time we stopped hanging out, he had two more. His father was not in the picture, nor was the father of any of his, uh, siblings.
And, and his grandmother took care of him and all the kids. Pretty much each day that we would hang out, we'd hang out mostly on Thursdays. I'd go over to his house, pick him up, and usually what that looked like is I'd bring him home, my wife and I would cook dinner, and we'd sit around our table and we'd simply have dinner.
We would just try to, to show this young man what does a, a healthy marriage and a healthy home sitting around a table, having dinner without the TV on, just talking, what does that look like? And I ended up mentoring him all the way through high school. It [00:06:00] was at his high school graduation. I mean, I taught him how to shave, but there towards the end of it, and I say the end of it because one day, uh, after he had graduated, I just got a text message from him and he just said, thank you so much for all you've done, but it's time for me to move on.
And that was it. I reached back out. I tried to meet with him, try to connect, try to do something. And he just put up a brick wall and just kind of cut me out of his life. And I haven't seen him since then. We've texted a couple of times, but now when I text him, nothing comes back. But, you know, looking back at that, I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I think I probably, in a lot of ways, got more out of it than he did. But what I believe is that I was a drop in the bucket for this young man that simply should have been filled by his father. I'm a huge believer in mentoring. Um, I support mentor programs. I've been a mentor for a [00:07:00] decade. It is so needed in our society.
And even when your kids, like if you have a son, like, Mentors are great even if you've got a present, involved, intentional father at home. Like, there's still the need for, for our, our young boys and young men to see other honorable, godly men and be able to learn from them too. But when it comes to that role of a father, there was just no way I was ever going to, to make that much of a difference for him.
Is, compared to what he needed from, from his dad. And so, I think it's important for us men to realize, like, And, and I'm convicted by this, like, there's times when it's like, well, I'm not showing up the way I need to, am I fully present when I'm home and I, am I intentional, am I, am I doing the best job and, and it was convicting even to me and, and I try to be a great dad.
But I think that, you know, man, I think it can be really challenging. It can be tough to [00:08:00] be, I mean, being a father is very challenging. And so I want this message to be encouraging. I don't want it to be condemning. I don't want it to be accusing, but man, we've got, we've all got to step up. If we're dads, if we're fathers, our children need us so bad.
They carry the consequence of our decision. to either show up or not show up. Like they bear the real burden. They pay the real price. And so there's a book called The Intentional Father written by John Tyson. And he outlines five different types of fathers. He starts off in the first type of father is the irresponsible father.
So this is a man who has either abandoned his family and he's just not even there. Or, uh, he's abusive. He's someone who takes out his anger on his family. He's someone who takes out, you know, that his, his family would be afraid of. The irresponsible [00:09:00] father is one who has either abandoned or abused his God given role in, in true responsibility.
The second type of father is the ignorant father. So the ignorant father is really someone who, a man who just doesn't know how to be a father. But I think it's even more than that. It's not that he doesn't know. It's just, he's, he doesn't even care to know. Like there's no effort or intentionality given to how do I figure this out or how do I get better at being a dad.
And you know, I personally think in our day and age, you can listen to. Podcasts, you can get books, very inexpensive. There are churches and organizations, like there's so many things out there for men who do want to know and who do want to learn. To me, there's, there's not a whole lot of an excuse here, but an ignorant father is one who doesn't know, but also doesn't really care to know.
The next kind of father is inconsistent. An inconsistent father. This is the man who is in and out of his children's life. One day he's there and all [00:10:00] engaged. The next day he may be completely wrapped up in business, even if he's there present. Physically, he may not be there mentally or emotionally, but it's kind of a yo yo.
It's the back and forth. He's, there's, there's just not a consistency in from one day to the next. The children are thinking, is dad going to show up, who is going to show up, is he going to be present, is he going to be here for me, is he going to be at my game, is he going to come back home, like that's the inconsistent father.
The next one, and this is really the one that got me, is the involved father, which sounds great. it's better. It's certainly a better type of father to be. It's one who is engaged in the day to day. He's here present today. He's probably throwing the baseball with his kids. He's probably helping with homework.
He's there for family dinner. He's he's putting his phone down so that he can Can engage with his family. He's there, right? And I think a lot of times that's where I fall in. It's like I'm there, but that there's this next level [00:11:00] that he defines that that's really the call to what I believe all of us men who are fathers should be aspiring to.
And this is the intentional father. This is a father who is not just present mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and culturally. A man who's leading his family, but this is a man who is involved in building towards a greater future for his children. He's not just thinking about in the moment, he's thinking about what he's doing in the moment in connection with and in alignment with the ultimate trajectory that he's trying to put his children on.
Like what is, who is the young man he is trying to build in his son and what are the values and the principles that he's trying to instill in order to help his son become a man. Like, what is it that he's putting into the relationship with his daughter so that she sees what an honorable, [00:12:00] caring, gentle man, but who is also very strong and with a deep sense of character and an honor and integrity.
Like, what does that look like so that when she one day is looking for a spouse, is looking for a husband that she has. a good image of what she should be looking for in a litmus test to determine, is this the kind of man that I want to spend, spend my life with? So you've got irresponsible fathers, ignorant fathers, inconsistent, involved, and then intentional.
And in all cases, everything should be flowing to and, and really that the aspirational drive that we should have is to be intentional fathers. There is thought and and planning and preparation that goes into this. It's not just about what's going on today. It's really looking long term and then reverse engineering and saying, Okay, how is my [00:13:00] interaction with my son?
What conversation am I having with my son today? That I need to have to be preparing him for venturing out on his own one day to be his own man. What is the conversation and the interaction I need to be having with my daughter so that one day when she's out on her own making her own decisions that she is prepared and I have poured into her all that I can as a, as a present, intentional father.
You know, in my opinion, the fatherless home is the number one problem our society faces, period. I think if we put fathers back in the home, if we could help and equip and support more men to show up in their children's lives as great dads, with more men standing in the gap between their children and the, the terrifying consequences, not the terrifying statistics, the terrifying consequences of the fatherless home.
I believe that we would see a [00:14:00] healing and a restoration and a transformation of our children, our families, our communities, and our entire country that would happen unlike anything else. Like when fathers are not in the home, it is catastrophic. It is, it causes at times irreversible damage. And it puts our children in a position of having to climb a, an incredibly steep mountain, and some of them will make it, and some of them will still turn out to be fantastic men and women one day, but so many of them won't, and it's because of our responsibilities not being taken men.
And, and we just have to step in and do that. Listening to Brian, uh, during one of his speeches, he said, you know, your, your kids cannot be what they cannot see. And what he meant by that was, I mean, we are the example to our kids. Like when, when our son, as our sons are growing up and of course one day when they get a little bit older, they'll [00:15:00] probably push away and, and, and our daughters, you know, maybe they won't always feel this way.
But early on when we're really, uh, in the thick of it with them, like they are looking to us to. Understand what does it look like to be a man, what does a man look like, and if we aren't there, present, like, emotional, not just there physically, if we're there, but we're on our phones, or we're preoccupied with our work, or we're checked on out on Netflix, or watching ESPN all day long, if we're not engaged, with them, not just physically, but mentally engaged, emotionally available to them, spiritually leading them, then they won't have an image of what a man should look like.
And so it's, it is just critical that we show up in that way and, and give our kids what it is that, that they need to be able to look at. So as we're going through this, like, ask yourself, like, really take a hard [00:16:00] look at it. Like, where do you fit most of the time? You know, I don't believe there is no perfect father, like every single one of us is going to fail, is going to make mistakes, is going to have our days where we're not at our best.
That is just reality, but it's not about perfection, right? It's about the, the intentionality that we have. It's about our willingness to keep showing up even when we fall short, even when we make mistakes. You know, so if you look at this, it's like, okay, so where do you sit most of the time? You know, are you an irresponsible father?
Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, that is hard to swallow if, and in a hard, a hard truth to accept if that's where you are. But just in your heart, like, you know, where are you? If you're, if you're an irresponsible father, you got to get some help. If you've abandoned your family, or if you're abusive, if you're an abusive man, get some help.
Your family. is desperate for you to get some [00:17:00] help. We cannot take out on our families that which we have to step in and heal in ourselves. You know, we have to be willing to lead ourselves. We have to heal. Otherwise, we're We just transfer the pain that we have to our kids and to our, uh, to our families.
So if you're irresponsible, find some help, get some help. If you're ignorant, start learning. Pick up dad book. Pick up a parenting book. Pick up The Intentional Father by John Tyson. Pick up The Dad Difference by Brian Loretz. I'll put links to both of those books in the show notes of this. Either one of these would give you an incredible perspective on how to start showing up.
I mean, maybe you didn't have a dad that showed you how to, how to be a good, a good father and a good man. You know, I was very fortunate that I had a great father growing up that, [00:18:00] that taught me a ton and showed me what it looks like to love your family and to be there for them, you know? And so whether you're on one end of that spectrum or another and regardless, like, you know, You could have had a great dad growing up, but you still need to be learning.
You still need to be educating yourself. We read business books, men, a lot of times to improve our business. But when's the last time we read a book on how to be a great dad? Because the investment we make in our kids, that is eternal. That is the greatest investment we'll often make. And the reward is priceless.
Are you an inconsistent dad? Are you just there some days and not there others? You know, for that, men, You've just got to commit every single day. When you wake up today, I'm going to be a consistent father who can be trusted and can be relied upon, who does what he says he's going to do. I'm going to prove that I'm a man of integrity.
I'm going [00:19:00] to set my own ego, my own pride aside. And I'm going to lean in no matter how hard it is, no matter how tough, no matter what I've done in the past, I'm going to lean in and be consistent. When I say I'm going to be there for the game, I'm going to be there for the game. When I say that I'm going to be on time, I'm going to be there on time.
And when I fail, which we will all fail, when I fall short, when I mess up, instead of running and hiding, And just ignoring it instead of making excuses instead of blaming somebody else instead of of trying to put that responsibility out to something outside of yourself. You just simply receive it and say, I'm so sorry I messed up and you show back up.
You take the blame. You take the responsibility. You don't make excuses and you just show back up again and you prove that you are consistent and you prove that When you're human and when you mess up That you don't blame anybody else and you don't try to be a victim and you don't try to uh, [00:20:00] Make it somebody else's fault If you're an involved father, fantastic.
Like, you're on the right path. How can you now move forward and be an intentional father? What is the vision that you need to create for your children and who you want to inspire them to become? What are the conversations that you need to be having? What is the, what are the dangers that you need to be preparing your sons and your daughters for that exist in this world?
This world is set against our children. This world is not set up for them to win. This world is not set up for them to grow up and have amazing lives. Like there are dangers out there. There are people, there are forces that are set against our Children and hell bent on their destruction. Whether we're talking about drugs and alcohol, pornography, social media, bullying, just on and on and on.
There are so many things that are directly attacking our Children and they're locking their claws into our Children at a very early age. And then our [00:21:00] kids carry that their whole lives. So men, it's up to us to step in and to warn our Children to prepare our Children. You know, right now, if you've got young Children at home, you've got to protect a role like that is one of the roles that you have as a father.
But the thing is, we're not always going to be able to be there to protect our kids. Like one day they're going to grow up, go out on their own. And so when they leave, the only question will be, did I prepare them? Like were they prepared? Did I warn them about the pitfalls and the things that are out there that can sabotage the life that they, that they deserve?
And so if you're involved, what can you do today? Every single day to move towards being an intentional father who's not just present in the moment, but who's present in the moment in alignment with a greater vision and future for your kids. So I want to move to four ways that we can show up better for our [00:22:00] kids, man, regardless of where you are on this spectrum, you know, and, and before I get into that, just a quick note, I think one of the things that keeps us from stepping into being great dads, probably more than anything is guilt and shame.
We get down, we, we look at who we've been, we look at what we've done, and some of those things may be years in the past, and we carry those things with us, and that guilt and that shame gets to our pride and our ego, and it, we allow it to consume us, and we allow it to, to separate us from our kids. We allow that to be something that, that just causes a wedge because we may feel so much guilt and so much shame.
But we have to set that aside. We have to get past that. We have to receive and, and ask forgiveness. We have to, to go to, if you're a man of faith, go to God and, and take it to him in prayer. If you've done something against someone, [00:23:00] taking it to them and seeking that forgiveness and finding that restoration.
But we have to let go of guilt. if we're going to be able to step in as the husbands and fathers that our families need. So, moving on, four ways that we can show up better for our kids. Men, number one is prayer. Number one is prayer. And whether you are, whether you believe in God or not, whether you're a man of faith or not, I would just have you consider that, I mean, for me, like praying for my children, praying for God's provision and his strength and his courage in order for me to show up as the husband and father that my family needs, like that is a daily request.
And honestly, I cannot do it without God's help. Amen. And so if you're struggling to do this, just consider, like, there is a God who loves you, who made you, who wants to see you show up as a [00:24:00] great dad. And so the first way you can, you can start showing up as a great dad is simply pray, and it can be the most simple thing.
If you've never prayed before, pray. Just say, God, help me to be a good dad today. God, help me to be a good dad today. Like, that's all you got to do. And what if you started every morning with, God, just help me to be a good dad today. Just this one day. I think that you'll find that no matter where you are, that will be one of the most profound impactful, uh, moves that you could possibly make to, uh, to serve your kids.
The second way we can show it better is, is simply presence. If you're totally absent from your kid's life, it's time to get back involved, regardless of what you've done, you know, regardless of, uh, of where the relationship is right now, get back involved in your kid's life. Your kids need you. Obviously, there's situations where there may be abuse or, and I know [00:25:00] things can be very, you know, way more complicated than I could even imagine, but our kids need us.
And our physical presence is needed, but that's not enough because we can be present and still absent. We can be, we can be there beside our children and completely around the world in our minds and a whole different universe. And so we need to be physically, mentally, and emotionally Emotionally and spiritually available and present for our kids physically.
What does that look like? Hey, wrestle with your kids, roll around with them, play with them, get out in the yard and throw the baseball mentally. What is, how can you be mentally present for your kids? Ask them questions. Like, good questions. Ask them about their day. Ask them what they like. My, my son was looking at some Pokemon cards on the way to school today, this morning.
I was like, hey, tell me what you're, uh, what you're doing right now with your Pokemon cards. And he kind of lit up because I'm taking interest in something that he is interested in and we had a discussion about it. [00:26:00] You know, and be emotionally present for your kids and available, like if your daughter is having a hard day, maybe she just needs a hug from her dad.
If your son's having a tough day, maybe he just needs you to put your arm around him and give him a hug. Your children need you to be emotionally available. And men, I know that can be hard for some of us. Some of us are just locked up, closed off, and don't know how to. Show emotion, take emotion, deal with emotion, it's, it's uncomfortable, but I'm just telling you right now, your, your kids need you to lean in.
Your kids need you to be emotionally available to them and just to, to be not sympathetic, but they're looking for your empathy. Do you care? Do you care? And then finally, being there spiritually, like spiritually available, that, that looks like leading your family spiritually. Like there is nothing more powerful for me and my wife in our whole [00:27:00] almost 18 years of marriage than the moments where we just hold each other's hand and we pray together.
And again, whether you believe in God or not, like I'm telling you there is a power in that. I do believe in God. I do believe in Christ. And when we invite God and Jesus into those moments, it just transforms everything. And I hope you're not tuning me out just because of that right now, because There is a power in prayer regardless.
So physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually present. That's the second thing. Third is proactive. Like we have to be, I mean, this goes hand in hand with being intentional, but we have to, to first, I think be very proactive that if, if we, if we have mess in with ourselves that needs to be cleaned up, we need to take care of that.
Like men, if we're grown men, we have to take care of our own mess, clean up our own stuff Otherwise we will just transfer our mess to our [00:28:00] kids. So this is about self leadership. This is about getting healthy. As men so that we can show up as healthy men for our families and not just bring that to them But be proactive be intentional with the time you spend with the lessons that you're trying to teach with the conversations that you're trying to have with the Future that you're helping your children to see like be intentional and proactive With the time that you have with them every single day and then finally number four is persistent.
It's really Persistency easy to get caught up in perfection, especially in this world. I mean, you scroll on social media and, or, or wherever you look and it's easy to feel like we're failing and the reality is men, we're going to fail. We're going to screw up. We're going to say the wrong thing. We're going to forget to do something.
We're going to fall short in some way. We're human, but our kids aren't looking for a perfect dad. They're looking for you. They're looking for you to care enough to get back in the game. When you fail there, they're [00:29:00] looking for a dad who. who is willing to step into that fire no matter what. So when you fail, when life just punches you in the face, we have to be men who are willing to get back in and do the work.
When life knocks us down, we have to wake back up, ask for God to help us to be just a good dad today. And get back in there and get back to being the dad our kids need. We are called to this as men. We are called to do hard work. If we want to stay in boyhood, if we want to play video games in our parents basement and just, you know, sedate ourselves through life, that's, that's one option, but that's not the, that is not the path of a man.
The path of a man is difficult and challenging, but it is also the most rewarding. Noble [00:30:00] path that we can take and men who are honorable men who are heroic men who are, who are outstanding are the men who show up not perfect, but willing to just take a swing at it every single day. and show back up and give everything they've got to be the dad and the father their kids need.
So men, this is a wake up call. Those consequences, those statistics, leading the world in fatherless homes. That, turning that around starts with you, turning that around starts with one man, one family in one home at a time saying, enough. I will not be a part of the statistic. I refuse to contribute to our children just being just [00:31:00] crushed by the society and by the world that is trying to undermine them.
And you're going to stand up and be the one standing in the gap between them and the world. That is what we're called to. We have to wake up to the fact that our kids, we are our kids greatest hope and we're what they need every single day. So men be encouraged, like you have a great calling. If you were a father, you have a great opportunity every single day.
Do not believe the lies. Do not wallow in self pity. Dust yourself off, no matter where you're at. And also go lock some, lock arms with other men who are trying to do the same. Find other fathers. Find other men who are, who are serious about being good dads. Because when we band together, we are strengthened.
And in that strength, we can go and be who our kids need. It [00:32:00] reminds me of this, uh, story I heard a gentleman tell one time is about tigers and lions. So if you take, if you take one tiger and one lion and put them in a cage to fight, the tiger is going to beat the lion every single time. But then if you take five tigers and five lions, and put them in a cage.
The lions will win every single time. Now, here's the reason. Tigers are solitary animals. They do not have a pride. They do not team up together. They do not work together. And so when you put them all in the cage, the lions instinctively know that they have to band together in order to defeat this, this adversary.
And so all five of those lions team up together together. And one at a time, they gang up on the tiger and take him out. And man, that's, that's what we have to be doing. We have to be locking arms [00:33:00] as lions with other men to defeat the darkness and to push back all that, uh, that, that comes at our kids every single day.
That's a gentleman. Let's get out there and get after it. Be the men that our families need, that this world needs. Be a present father and turn the tide back. Let's go. We ask that if you found value in this, that you subscribe to the podcast and share with someone that you think would find value in this as well.
If there's a man that you know, who would benefit from this, please share it with them. We want to get these messages and these tools and resources out to as many men as we can so that marriages can be thriving, families can heal. So kids have great dads so that wives have great husbands and one man at a time in this world, we can make a [00:34:00] difference.