Franklin: [00:00:00] Right now, the world needs great men who will stand up and lead with honor, serve with purpose, and courageously fulfill their God given roles and responsibilities as husbands, fathers, leaders, and men. It's time we see more men thrive, marriages filled with passion, and families that flourish. So whether you're a man struggling to figure it all out, or an awesome husband and dad looking for the next level, you've come to the right place.
We're your hosts, Franklin Swan and Tanner Hayes, bringing you practical, applicable tools and strategies you can use every day. To build yourself into the man God is calling you to be. This is the world needs men. Let's go All right, welcome back to the world needs men podcast. I'm your host today franklin swan [00:01:00] And very excited to have my guest george hayworth on the show You know if you've been listening to this show for a little bit or if you're just tuning in for the first time The real heart, uh, is it's developing and becoming, uh, for me with this podcast is to just help encourage.
and equip men to show up as just strong leaders, loving husbands, and intentional fathers. And I'm really excited to have George on the podcast today and just really hear his perspective on being a husband and a father. Uh, he lives in Nashville, Tennessee and is a husband and father himself and host of the present father's podcast.
Some of his background, he was a second lieutenant in the U. S. Army as a field artillery officer. served in the 101st Airborne Division in Afghanistan. Thank you very much for your service.
George: Pleasure, man.
Franklin: Today he works in corporate America, also serves in the Tennessee National Guard [00:02:00] and also leads men with elite sentinel coaching.
And, uh, it is just interested in all things, helping men to show up better for their families. And so George, welcome to the show. Hey man,
George: thanks for having me on. I'm looking forward to it and, uh, happy to share my story and, and help other men. Absolutely. Well,
Franklin: let's start there. Just give us, uh, give audience a little bit of your background, your story, and, uh, we'll, we'll start there with some context.
George: Yeah. So, uh, quick correction. I commissioned as a second lieutenant, but I'm currently a captain on my way to major. So I spent, uh, You know, in total, kind of like training and stuff around 12 years in the army. Now, you know, five of that was active duty, been in the national guard since like to talk about my family first, first and foremost, I am a husband and father.
I think those are the most important jobs I have and will have. Um, and I think more men need to embrace that for themselves. I've been married over 10 years now, my wife and I are about to go have a little outing to celebrate our 10th anniversary here coming up soon. And, uh, our daughter is. finishing third grade, creeping up on [00:03:00] nine years old.
So the time flies, but, you know, outside of that with the podcast, you know, me and my cohost started it to really give an outlet to men to learn how to level up and to talk about these very important topics because I think we live. in silos, right? Men are very cut off from each other and we're not sharing valuable information and valuable techniques and tactics to take in our roles as family leaders and raising our Children to be better.
And then from that, I've also launched my men's development program called Elite Sentinel. And the point there is to train men and authentic masculinity to rise as actual masculine leaders for our families and for our society. That's,
Franklin: uh, when you talk about the coaching, like specifically that jumps out to me, how do you see just, just a desire and a real need with men to just search out that coaching and training and trying to find someone like you that can, can help them figure things out, you know, the easy way rather [00:04:00] than
George: the hard way if possible.
Yeah, I think there is a huge desire for it. I think most men don't know what the answer is. And so, uh, I'd like to give you an acronym. Most men today are salty. All right. It's a little bit humorous on purpose. So you remember it, but they're stressed. They're angry. They're lonely. They're tired. And most of all, they're yearning for a lot more than what they're currently getting or what they currently have.
And if you look across our culture, it's not very hard to see what I just said makes a lot of sense. And so that's, yeah, I'm just one of many coaches, right? I may not be your perfect coach. There's probably someone else who may fit you better potentially. But at the end of the day. Most of us had to learn the hard way on what is a man, right?
You know, when did you consider yourself a man? Did you have a rite of passage? Was it the first time you had a beer? Was it the first time you had sex with a woman? Like what defined when you became a man? Our culture has completely abandoned this transfer from boyhood to manhood. There's no significance to it anymore.
And so now most of us, you know, I'm 35 as of this [00:05:00] recording, I think maybe for three years, I've actually felt like a real man, you know, so for 32 plus years of my life, I was like, I don't really know. I've got insecurities. I'm stressed out. I don't really feel like I'm living in purpose or really leveling up and I don't think I'm unique.
I think most guys feel that way and it's because we never got it drawn out of us and we were never shown a better way and the way our culture is gone. The society we live in is clearly not working. And I'd like to leave a couple stats to drive this point home. You know, 70 percent of men when they were polled answered that they did not have a single close friend.
70%. Then you look at stats like suicide. Men are three to five times more likely to commit suicide than women. I think it's because of isolation. Men are living lives of quiet desperation. They're suffering in silence and they're literally killing themselves. And so this cycle has to stop. It has to change.
And the reason I wanted to really launch into teaching men a better way, [00:06:00] the way I learned the hard way is that it goes way beyond just us. When we fix men, when we train them how to be authentic and truly rise into who they are meant to be, everyone else benefits, their families benefit, their friends benefit, their businesses benefit men are built for this.
And so I'd love to maybe go in that in a little bit with the four pillars thing, but in essence, that's why I started this. And that's why I'm so passionate about it is because I look back on my own experience and how much I struggled and all the mistakes I made. And most of it boiled down to, I was going through life.
as an insecure teenager stuck in a growing man's body, but I treated every situation in the way that a selfish, angry teenager would. And so I was not a man. I was a boy trying to act like a man in life and I hadn't learned the hard lessons and I didn't have the brotherhood around me to really, you know, challenge me to step up.
And that's most men today, I think. You know, and so if you're listening to this and you say, Ooh, that kind of hit a nerve there, good, that self awareness is [00:07:00] not a shameful thing. That is the first step every man has to make and take a hard look in the mirror and realize there's areas for growth. And then reach out, build a community, get friends and challenge each other to grow.
But don't, don't feel down if you hear what I just said and it resonated with you. That is the first critical step. And once you acknowledge that and you have the humility to realize, Hey, I have a lot of room for growth. Everyone is going to start getting better. And that's a great thing. I commend you if you have that self awareness and challenge you to take it and run with it.
Franklin: It's interesting. There's a book that John Tyson wrote, The Intentional Father, and he talks specifically about this abandonment and just losing the right of passage that historically men or young boys went through. And if you look around the world and a lot of other societies still exist today, right?
And it's not like that was just ended with our generation. Like, if you look at our dad's generation. baby members, they didn't have it either. And then their parents didn't have that [00:08:00] either. I mean, World War II generation just went and got shipped straight to war. So, I mean, this isn't something that happened yesterday, but, you know, pendulums swing.
And so what I see with the number of men out there who are taking a stand for what honorable masculinity looks like and, and, and bringing that back into men's lives and showing the way and, and trying to restore marriages and restore families. It's like that pendulum swinging back the other way. And it's, it seems to me that it's this generation that's waking up and going, we've got, we've just got to start doing something about this, whether it's having a conversation, leading a group, joining a group.
But locking arms with, with men to, uh, to try to turn the tide on this. My wife was actually telling me this morning, she was talking to a friend and the friend said, you know, does Franklin have many friends? And she said, you know, for a while, he, like, I'm just as guilty of this, you know, letting friendships die, putting it all into the family or putting it onto the business, and then you look up and it's like, man, I haven't been cultivating those [00:09:00] good masculine friendships with men who can, I can lock arms with and, and, and bring around me.
And the woman my wife was talking to said, well, my husband said he doesn't need any friends because he's got me and he's got the kids and it's like, you know, that is the thing right that I think is an easy trap for men to fall into. It's just thinking that we can do it alone and do it by ourselves. And, and we do kind of die that quiet desperation and we just, we need that encouragement and we need, you know, strong male bonds around us.
Yeah, man. The lone wolf gets killed straight up. The lone wolf will buy. There's a, uh, an analogy of tigers versus lions and how lions will team up. And, uh, and tigers won't. And so if you put one tiger against one lion, the tiger typically wins. But if you. put a group of tigers and a group of lions, the lions will pick off the tigers one at a time.
George: Yeah. You know, the cliche thing is like the strength of a wolf is the pack, right? Men are very similar, right? And so, you know, let's dive into that brotherhood argument [00:10:00] here. That is a lie that men have been fed. Oh, you just, you know, you just need your family. You just need your job, nothing else. Blah, blah, blah, blah.
You don't need any time for you. It's obviously not working. Look at the stats. Like I'm not speaking hyperbole here. This is very easy to Google stats on like male suicide and stuff. And it's very obvious, right? The status quo is not helping men. So that lie is so dangerous because it traps you and men are built for brotherhood.
Okay. For a numerous reasons, right? So in Proverbs, there's a verse that says, A sweet friendship refreshes the soul. Okay, masculine friendship is a very unique thing, right? It's a very different type of relationship in brotherhood that you're going to have than you have with your wife or you have with your kids or even just acquaintances, right?
That deep masculine friendship, only another man knows the serpentine passages of your heart. They understand you to a higher level, and especially when you surround yourself with a group where you have all kind of aspired to the same code and morals and, and are growing towards the same [00:11:00] objectives. You challenge each other in a healthy way.
You create positive pressure and you also provide support and stability, right? So think about all the things you're tackling in your life. Do you want to do that by yourself? Or do you want to have some guys to call up and be like, dude, I'm just really struggling today, man. And he's like, all right, dude, tell me about it.
Like that release is such a powerful thing. And the other important thing is then you're not blowing up on your family. So if you're a family man, and you've convinced yourself that all you need is your family and no one else, you are disserving them. You are failing your family. Your leadership is going to be watered down because you're not being filled up.
You're pouring from an empty cup. And so I get really fired up about this because yeah. Men need to own that first. It requires action on you first to build those friendships. And maybe you're saying, well, George, I, you know, I'm really introverted and blah, blah, blah. Okay. I don't care. Is what you have right now working for you?
Just answer that. Honestly, if it is great, maybe I'm wrong. I'm going to go out on a limb and say, I'm probably not. Most guys would say, I'd love to have a better friendship with, with at [00:12:00] least one other guy. That's most men and you need it for that reason. So you get more fulfilled. You are more recharged.
You have a place to go process your struggles, your difficulties, your insecurities. And then you show up as the better version of yourself for the people that rely on you most, your wife, your kids, your job, whatever. Right. And if you don't do that, you're just. Setting yourself up for failure, right?
Because if you are alone and isolated, you are easy to surround. You are easy to pick apart. And if you don't think that the world is trying to do that to you, you are sorely mistaken. Make no mistake, men. We are in the midst of a battle, right? The phrase you're going to hear from the left now is there is no culture war.
There is no, you know, you guys are just making this up. Look around. It's so obvious. We are in the midst of mental assault every single day. Not just us. It's women too. It's kids too. Look at the stuff that's happening in our culture and it takes men to stand up and stop. We are the protectors. We are the ones who have to bear the standard and fight for the ideals and the things that we care about.
And if you aren't, you're not. In a place of [00:13:00] fulfillment and in a solid position yourself, you can't fight, you can't go to the front and stand as a shield for others because you're, you're empty. So you've got to pour from a full cup and the way you get that is through brotherhood.
Franklin: Do you think men, part of the reason they don't go out and seek those relationships and friendships, do you think there's a sense of guilt where it's like, well, if I'm taking the time to go and, and, And pursue those friendships with other men.
I'm taking away time from my family and I'm already so busy with all the responsibilities and, and I can't do, I can't do both and still be a good husband and father. Like, do you see, do you feel like that might be part of the
George: challenge? That is certainly a valid, you know, thing I hear from men. Uh, you know, it's, it's that kind of dad guilt, right?
Uh, you know, I'm taking time away from my kids and stuff like that. This is a lesson I actually learned in the military. You learn very quickly as a leader, you know, if you're a platoon leader, squad leader, anything like that, any level, any echelon, if you are so burnt out yourself, you are no longer an asset to the people that rely on your leadership.
If you are so [00:14:00] depleted that you can't lead, now you are a liability. So in the same way, men, if you are the family leader, you have to recharge your batteries. It is not a disservice. You are not robbing your family because when they are with you, and when you do have the time with them, you're not going to be so wiped out.
You're actually there. You're emotionally stable. You're safe. They crave being around you because you're fun and connected with them. But if you're on empty, And you're trying to do all those things. It's not going to work well, right? For me, right? When I'm, when I'm depleted and, you know, kind of overwhelmed with things, I get really angry.
My anger is a problem. So, you know, everyone manifests differently. We have different personalities and stuff, but you show up as a weakened version of yourself if you're not recharging yourself. And so to that argument, I would challenge every man who says that to really think on, okay, well, if I'm carving out some dedicated time frequently to just reconnect and restore with, you know, good men who are challenging me to be better, you know, I'm like, I'm not talking about the guys that you go [00:15:00] drink beer with and talk about football, right?
Okay. Yeah, that's fun. Great. But that's not, that's not helping you, right? I'm talking about guys where you embrace vulnerability, right? There's that dirty word that men want to run away from. Man, I'm speaking from experience here where when I am truly vulnerable with guys who like I respect and they respect me and there is a brotherhood that's built there where we all agree to kind of have this mutual level of respect and trust.
That vulnerability is a superpower. Because the things that I'm afraid to say, the things that I think are so big in my own head, I share them with these guys. And it just dissipates, man. It loses all its power over me. And so then when I'm back with my family or I'm, you know, pouring into someone who needs it, I'm there a hundred percent because I'm not distracted by all these other insecurities and thoughts and mindsets and blah, blah, blah.
So to that argument of, well, you know, my family needs me more. You need to set that standard and you're training your family how to practice self care. You're setting the example that [00:16:00] we're not robots. We all need to be refreshed and restored, and it's good. It's a great thing to build deep relationships outside of just our families.
You know,
Franklin: there comes a point where it's like your family doesn't need more of you. They need more of a better version of you, you know? And so, like, to your point, you can spend all your time with your family, but if you're depleted, if you're grumpy and just not, not a joy to be around, They're going to get tired of you is what's really going to happen.
What do you see, uh, for men who begin to do this kind of work and, and get things in line? How do you see their relationship with their spouse and their kids change and shift away from, you know, a man that they're maybe not wanting to be around to a man that they actually desire and want to be with?
George: Yeah. So in short, right, you are going to become a better man, right? You're, you're increasing your value, so to speak, right? You are leveling up when you do that. You are, you are [00:17:00] inherently a better leader, right? You are inherently a better presence to be around, right? And so let's talk in the context of family first, right?
Your wife and your children crave a leader. They crave a man who's large and in charge and has the plan, has the vision, has the safety emotionally and physically, has the compassion and empathy to be there for them, right? You create this presence. That is greater than average, right? And stagnation is dangerous.
That's when, you know, temptations start to infiltrate and things like that. You need to be a man on a mission, right? They want to follow you, this leader into a better future. And that requires you to challenge yourself first. So leadership starts with you first. And here's the, here's the hard to swallow pill that most men need to choke on is.
You are designed to be the initiator, right? So when you talk, the words man and woman, I forget if it's Greek or Hebrew or whatever, man means to pierce. He is the piercer and woman is the receiver, right? So [00:18:00] when we say to pierce, that means you're the initiator. You are on the tip of the spear, right? You are making the motion.
And so you are designed to lead and take that first step. And that's not just in the physical sense either, right? We're not talking of just initiation in terms of your sexual relationship with your wife. It's also her emotions. It's also with your kids emotions. You are supposed to set the tone. And if you're not doing those, if you're just kind of being with your family and there's no leadership and there's no vision and there's no future, would you want to follow that guy?
I mean, just play this out a little bit. Think of the people that you were like, wow, that's an inspiring individual. I want to fall. I'll go with them anywhere. What were they doing? Why did you feel that way? You get to do that for your family. You get to be the inspiration for them. And that's, I think most men, whether they've been lied to or they just doubt themselves, whatever the problem is, the outcome is disastrous because you have these aimless families with aimless men who aren't challenging or growing or holding any standards.
And they're just kind of meandering through life. And the results are damaging, [00:19:00] right? Divorce rates are through the roof. Child issues are through the roof, right? You know, crime and drug abuse and all this kind of stuff. Like everything is just. worse because men aren't going, they're not leading and taking action.
And so when you first lead yourself, it requires you to take a hard look in the mirror to accept your flaws, take ownership of those things, and then actually put into practice the ways to improve. And that generally requires admitting these things to other men. Hey, brother, you know, I really struggle with pornography.
Okay, great, bro. Let's work out a plan. Let's get a system in place for accountability and make sure that we can cut that out of your life or, you know, struggle with alcohol or whatever the thing may be. If you try and do it on your own, you're setting yourself up for failure. So that's where that brotherhood comes back into play is that's kind of the foundation, the guardrails that help you push yourself up into being better.
And by extension, then you can now lead your family better. And so your relationships will get deeper. Your wife will respond to you because you are now becoming the man she wants to have sex with. You're not just the man she has to have sex with, [00:20:00] right? And I'm not saying sex is the only thing. There's a lot more involved in your relationship than that.
But that's why most guys are like, well, she doesn't have sex with me enough. Okay. That's information that you're not the man she wants to be with. And that's a really painful pill to swallow and I had to do the same thing because when I really looked at myself, my performance as husband, the way I showed up as husband was really bad.
It was really lackluster. You know, I was great in a couple of things, crap at the rest of them. And when I had to start being brutally honest with myself, taking a lot of input from a lot of other guys who were outstanding husbands, Hey bro, you're doing this, this, and this. That's not good. Don't do that again.
Okay, you're right. And so again, I'm not speaking from this position of like, I've got it all figured out and I'm the perfect man and I've never made mistakes. I'm telling you this because I've made all these mistakes. And now I'm on the other end of it, where when I stopped making those mistakes, how much better life is, my relationship is stronger than it's ever been.
I feel confident as husband. I feel confident as father. I know that I have a real [00:21:00] direction now, a real purpose. And my family sees it too. And by extension, this creates this covering this, this aura of safety now exists in my household that never existed before, because I'm in charge now. I'm bearing the weight of all these things so that my wife and daughter don't have to.
And if you're not leading, that's what you're doing. You're indirectly forcing burdens onto everyone else to pick up the slack. Right or wrong, that's the way it works, man. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Dive
Franklin: into a little bit more on that idea of safety because I think that's just so critical in today's world, realizing that like the level of safety we either instill in our homes or we take it away.
And, you know, I think men usually think of protecting their family against some intruder or, you know, something outside the threat. And while that may happen, The statistical chances are fairly low, but you're with them if you're, if you're around in present, like you're with them all the time. So there's [00:22:00] a piece of it where we're actually probably the greatest liability and threat to our family that actually exists.
And And how we show up either creates the true sense of safety for them based on who we are, or it creates a sense of danger where they're not sure how dad or how the husband is going to show up from one moment to the next. Yeah,
George: man, that the way you just said it right there is like, you know, we are the biggest threat.
That was me. You know, I'll be super vulnerable here. I was threat number one to my wife. I was the biggest source of fear for her. In her life, right? That's a really painful thing to admit, but until I admitted that and really, really looked at that and owned that, nothing changed. Right? So when I finally did embrace that and be like, okay, George, you are not safe.
All the things you're doing are making your relationship. You know, teetering on a razor's edge because you are not safe. Okay. So I had to like [00:23:00] really dive into that. What does that look like? Okay. Men often will say like, Oh, I take a bullet for my family. Great bro. Will you live for them? Like the day to day is where this stuff happens.
It's not these huge acts of heroism, which are great. I know we all dream about those. You know, we have the fantasies of like wanting to be the, the knight slaying the dragon, right? Those are maybe like three times in your life. If we're, if we're really honest, right. You're going to have like three pivotal moments.
Maybe. In reality, it's the small things day to day. And so that's where things like emotional regulation are paramount. If every time your wife is frustrated or stressed or whatever, and you just start snapping at her or go into like Mr. Solve mode, you're not building safety. You're actually eroding trust.
If you are. all over the place emotionally, right? Oh, you're angry about this. You're stressed about that. And now you're blowing up at your family. And guess what? Now they don't trust you. And so that, that shattering of safety is usually the number one thing that's killing your marriage. It's killing your relationship with your kids.
It's creating unhealthy habits, [00:24:00] like codependency with your children, because like walking on eggshells and all that kind of stuff, the ripple effects of you not owning your stability. is, you know, absolutely disastrous. That's like my whole personal story, right? I grew up in a very tumultuous household, lots of yelling, lots of fighting, all that kind of stuff, right?
Guess what I became because I never dealt with it. I did the exact same things that I feared and hated as a kid, right? And so that's where it has to stop with you. You have to be the one to decide for yourself today that I'm going to start a new legacy for my family. Maybe you inherited a great one.
Most of us didn't, right? And it's not like I have some horrible upbringing. It was relatively okay, but I still didn't want that for my family. I'm, I'm taking action today to change that. And so it's, maybe this is the time to talk about the four pillars, but the. In essence, a man needs to be stoic and stoic is not having no emotion.
It's controlling the emotions to be the right guy at the right time in the right moment. Okay. And so that means [00:25:00] when your wife is stressed out or whatever, instead of reacting and taking it personally, that somehow she's implying that you have failed her. It's taking a moment. I'm feeling stressed now, or here we go again, type of thing.
Sit with that for a minute, wait to respond, and then ask questions. Don't answer. Ask some questions. Okay, honey, are you, give three emotions, are you stressed, anxious, or are you fearful right now? Yes! Oh, okay. Well, babe, what, what, what seems to be stressing you out? Can you help me understand that's the best phrase to use?
Help me understand you're not insult. You're not attacking. You're not implying that they are, you know, broken or that kind of stuff. You're literally just wanting to understand. It's inviting them to connect with you. So you want to build connection, not communicate, right? There's a big difference and you're building a safe space.
Correct. Yes. So you want to be the like, here's the thing, man, it's a paradigm shift, right? And I failed to learn this until way too late in my marriage. When my wife comes to [00:26:00] me with this kind of stuff or her intense emotions or her fears or her anxieties, she's not hitting me over the head with it.
She's coming to me because she realizes I'm the one who can help her with it. And so that should be a source of pride for you that that Wow, I get to be the one to help this woman through this thing. I get to be the hero. And so when you change that for yourself and realize that this is a gift you can give your wife, this, this stability, this emotional leadership and understanding this connection, that is a gift you can give to her all the time.
And instead of feeling worn out by it, it becomes a thing that actually builds attraction between the two of you, because then you become her hero on a frequent basis. And you realize that you can. You know, you build care and empathy for her, right? And so then your connection is so much deeper. You want to talk about increasing your sexual life.
That's a great way to do it is be the source of safety for her. Because if she's dealing with all these things in her head all the time, and [00:27:00] all these fears and anxieties and worries, guess what? She does not have the energy for sex. You've got to help her unpack all that stuff. That's just the way it is, right?
Men and women are very different. Women crave safety first. That is paramount. That is the thing they crave most. They want a safe home. They want a safe man who will lead them and cover them and protect them. And most of that protection is not from physical danger. It is from the itty bitty committee that runs in their heads, right?
All the anxiety, all the fear. And if you are that stoic pillar for her that she can rely upon, guess what? You are going to start building a deep relationship that just flourishes. You know,
Franklin: I think a lot of men listening to this would think, well, I haven't, you know, I've never hurt my wife physically and it's like, yeah, but we've probably all hurt our wives emotionally, maybe more than anybody else out there.
And that, that is so hard, like you say, to, to, uh, it's just a, such a tough pill to swallow. It [00:28:00] is. Do you see anything specific when it comes to, you know, how do you, how do you rebuild a sense of safety in your home if you've been a man who has not created that sense of safety? Like, what are some practical steps that a, that a man could take to begin to restore that in his home?
George: That's a great question. And uh, this is something I had to learn the hard way, right? You know, from, for the bulk of our marriage. I was not emotionally safe. I have said very harmful things to my wife. I have broken her down emotionally. And again, I hate, I hate that. That's my story, right? But I'm changing it now.
And that's all any of us can do. So if you're like me and you've struggled with this and you've hurt your wife a lot, ownership is the first piece, right? When you own that and be like, okay, I have screwed up and admit it. Own that to her, honey. I realize how damaging my words have been to you, and I am really sorry for that.
I am working really hard now to be more emotionally calm, secure, safe. I'm [00:29:00] gonna talk to, you know, Jimmy, my, my buddy, we're gonna check in every week, and he's gonna help me, you know, he's gonna ask me how I'm doing, right? I'm gonna have accountability and stuff, and I, I want to be that guy for you. So then you start casting vision.
Consistency is key here, right? You're not going to be perfect overnight. It's going to take a lot of hard work and effort, but over time you will rewrite the narrative because now what you've, what you've created potentially, is you've conditioned each other to react certain ways to each other, right?
Humans get conditioned. That's what we do. So you now have to change the pattern. You have to create a new pattern and she's not going to trust it for good reason, right? She doesn't trust you and you've earned that, right? Everything you're getting is because you've earned it. That's, that's the hard to swallow pill is the situation you're in right now is because you're most likely the one to blame.
Well, but she did this, this and this gap. How did you act? How did you react? How did you choose to handle that situation? So just stop the game. Like, do you really want to be in a sword fight with your wife? You're like throwing a sword at her and saying, on [00:30:00] guard, you know, that's what I was doing. Do you think that that's going to build a strong marriage?
It has to stop with you, the man. Okay. It's on you. No one is coming to save you. It's your job. You have to own it. So that's step one is acknowledging it, getting some accountability about it. Maybe you need to read some books about it. And then I recommend for guys to write what I call like a personal creed, right?
So every morning, I'll go ahead and share the morning routine with you, Franklin. You can put it in like the comments or whatever, Google drive link or something, but that'd be great. A morning routine where you wake up every day and you're going to dictate to yourself the type of man you're going to become today.
You have to go on offense. You have to condition your mind to become something more than you are today. Right? And so long story short, the creed is essentially, you're going to affirm yourself on things that you are good at, that you, you know, that you're proud of all that kind of stuff. You're going to like danger areas, right?
So for me, my anger, right? I write words in my creed that I read every morning. Like I will not allow a temporary emotion to cause lasting damage to my marriage. I will choose grace and understanding because [00:31:00] if I am angry and condemning, then I'm I am breaking trust. I am damaging my marriage. So a lot of this is like mind control.
You have to condition yourself. to a new pattern. And that's where the consistency comes in, right? So you're doing this stuff continually, you're reading books, you're, you're reframing the way you view this stuff. And then the pause, right? The pause is huge. She's going to say the thing or the thing happens.
And Oh, here we go again. You feel it, right? You feel it in your body, get that feeling in your gut. Like, Oh no, she's stressed out again, or here comes the fight. You get to stop it before it happens. And a lot of times the way you do that say, Hey, honey, I'm really stressed right now, or I'm going to get angry.
Can we cool off for a little bit and let's revisit this in an hour or two. There you go. You get some space. When you, when you create that space, that pause, then you can think about, and I want guys to remember this too, most likely she doesn't need you to solve anything. She needs you to pry through her emotions, right?
This is the piercer [00:32:00] role again. Okay, wow. She seemed really, really, really angry about a very small thing. Why is that? My guess, Is that most likely she's reacting from her wounded in her child or from her traumas in her past and it's not your wife anymore. It's this hurt little girl. So then you're going to pry through not in a condescending way, but help her work through those very painful things because it's just manifesting with whatever this argument is or potential argument.
And when you become that guy, you want to talk about building safety. That just fires up the attraction in your marriage to an nth degree because you are the only man on the planet that can do that for her. And she knows it. This is all subconscious stuff. It's not like, it's not like she needs to be coached on like how you helping this for her is, you know, this attractive thing to her.
Like she knows. So hopefully that gave some tactical advice there that guys can, can lean into, but it will change. Okay. So this is the thing. It's long game. You have to be in it for the long [00:33:00] haul. All right, some of this stuff may happen faster. You may discover something about you or her or the way that you guys interact and you're actually able to fix it really quickly.
But I'm here to tell you I'm living proof that we were on the brink of divorce numerous times. Like I had a lawyer on retainer. Okay, We're now celebrating over 10 years of marriage. The way we react now, like we still have some bad blow ups or whatever, because we're still flawed people and we revert to our traumas and, you know, reacting poorly and stuff.
But on average, our interactions are just like, I never dreamed they could be this way. It is so calm, loving, understanding, we apologize quickly if we do make mistakes, like it gets better fast and then it only improves, right? The more that you lean into this, it's like, it's like riding a bike, right? Or any skill working out your muscles, right?
You're just working out your relationship muscles. They're going to get bigger, they're going to get stronger, it's going to feel more natural over time. So buckle up. It's on you. If you lead in this area and just commit. to produce better outcomes, you will change not just [00:34:00] your family, but the next generation too.
Like this, this is where legacy happens is in this kind of work. I love
Franklin: the, you know, the point that this is a long game, you know, wherever you are in your relationship, you didn't get there overnight. It took time. And so it takes time to dig out or to restore or to heal. And, you know, even thinking, you know, there is no reason that she should react or respond in any differently because you haven't proven yet.
That you have actually done enough work to show her and to prove to her that, that you have changed and you've, you've cared enough to show up and be consistent over time. Anyone can show up for a day or a week and do something different. You know, are you still pursuing being a man who creates safety in his home six months from now, 12 months from now?
Five years from now, you know, but I think just the awareness for men to realize They're the protector, but they're also the greatest danger and it's not just the [00:35:00] physical side but it's our our wife and our children's hearts and emotions that that often we We are dangerous to the most and just realizing how much we've got to be intentional about that and having a morning routine that allows us to, to just be intentional about the kind of man that we want to show up as.
Yep. And so that's super powerful.
George: Yeah. You know, the question I'll ask all the men listening to this is, are you interested or are you committed? The answer to that question will determine how tomorrow goes for you, how the rest of this year goes for you for the next five years in your marriage goes like this.
That's, that's the real question. Are you committed? And so that means You're gonna have to take that hard look in the mirror. You're gonna have to have that self awareness. You're gonna have to stop lying to yourself. You're gonna have to ask for feedback, right? That's my, I stole this from a good friend, Nick Alfano.
His favorite F word is feedback. It hurts. Man, it hurts to be like, [00:36:00] when you have a guy you respect, like, Hey bro, not good. Like you're, you're not doing good there. Oh, that stings. But then on the other end of it, that's where the growth comes, right? If you have the humility to accept that and really own it, then you can make a change.
But if you're still lying to yourself, nothing will change. You're going to be that guy says, I can change, honey. I promise I'll change. And she goes, okay, I believe you this time. And then here you are two weeks later and you're doing it again. Yeah. It's all words, no actions. Yes. Put
Franklin: your money where your mouth is.
And that humility part is, is so important because we have to just take full responsibility. And I think what can, you know, trip us up and hold us back. Is, uh, coming at it from the standpoint of, oh, well, you know, this is partly her fault. It probably is. It may be, but it doesn't help you to move forward.
Correct. The thing that will help you the most is just taking full responsibility and accountability for the whole thing.
George: And that's where you have to have brotherhood. So, [00:37:00] you know, I'll just speak from my own experience, right? I started this growth journey. I was like, okay, I've got to, I've got to really own this stuff.
I've got to be husband 2. 0, right? The George I am today is not the George my wife needs. It's not the one she deserves. And I fell into that too, man. Oh, well, she's this and this, and she said that, and she's doing this and she's refusing to do blah, blah, blah, blah. And I had all the words, right? And in this, this small group, I had this brotherhood, right?
One of them was just like, Hey man, I just hear you making a lot of excuses. How is any of that useful? Maybe she is doing all those things. Okay. What can you do? So when I, when I say this, I'm not, I'm not saying that your wife is perfect. Absolutely not. Right. I, I wish there was a women's coach out there to train women, the inverse of everything I'm talking about.
Right. Cause if we both did that, everyone would be a lot happier, but I'm here to talk to the men. Cause I'm a man. I understand men. I don't understand women to that level, nor do I claim to be the expert to try and even attempt to make that argument. I do know this to be true. [00:38:00] Men are the initiators.
Women respond. Okay, we can argue sex and gender and all of the world we live in today is just absolutely ludicrous. But I've seen it play out not just in my own life, but everyone else I know who's, who's stepped up. When you start owning it and just taking the action yourself and then taking the blows from her and not really getting into that cycle anymore, she will stop.
She has to respond. She has no other option. She's either going to grow with you or she'll leave. And either way, that's what you're trying to get to because you don't want to keep going on this loop. Do you? If she's that dysfunctional, she's that messed up, she will leave anyway, like she will give up and you're just getting to that answer quicker and that sucks.
I hope that's not the case for you. Most often she will respond up and join you on this new direction and your marriage will thrive. You know, I've got a friend, he specifically coaches Christian husbands. I think he's had one marriage like dissolve through his program. And this, this woman was just, I [00:39:00] mean, she had all the problems.
She refused to take any ownership of anything. Right. And he did all the right things and she gave up. He didn't even quit. Right. So, you know, I'm talking to hundreds of men here have transformed their marriages because they started leading first and their wives responded. Okay. And it doesn't mean there won't be bad days, but that's, that's the point I'm trying to drive home here, guys, is it's on us first.
So to play this game of wool, she said that, or she did this, you're just lying to yourself. You're just keeping yourself stuck right where you are because that's what a boy does. That's not what a man does. A boy plays the blame game. A man says, I can take the blows. I'm tougher than this. I'm more mentally secure than this.
I'm a man on a mission. I know because leadership is oftentimes hard. It's not like your ship. You're going to have to drag people kicking and screaming to where they need to be. Our marriage is no different. Like you have to guide to the right place.
Franklin: Let's talk about leadership. And you've got four pillars and I guess leadership and [00:40:00] masculinity and how those kind of tie together, but take that wherever you want.
But I know that we were talking before the podcast on that. And I think that that would be a good shift in, in where to take it in from here.
George: Yeah, so I've been pretty firm, right, man? It's on you. Okay, well, where do I go, right? I think our understanding of what a man is is so wrong. That's our biggest problem.
We're trying to do all these things with 25 percent of the solution. So there's four pillars of authentic manhood. I pulled this from book called tender warrior. I highly recommend that book. It's by Stu Weber, but he has a chapter in there where he talks about the pillars of masculinity, right? And so I loved it so much.
I mean, I've made this like a part of my life. So they are King warrior, mentor and lover. Okay. So when a man is all four of these things, it's an equal balance. One pillar is not stronger than the other. Like think of that old, like kind of Greek style, you know, Parthenon building, it's got the columns. Well, those columns have to be the same level, right?
They have to be balanced equally in order for the roof to stand up, right? Men are the [00:41:00] same way. So the king, you are designed for leadership. Men are built to be leaders, okay? It's not a title. It's not a position you hold at your company. It's an action, right? Leadership is an action. And so sometimes you may be the blow man on the totem pole, so to speak, and you can lead.
It's called bottom up refinement. Hey boss, what if we do X, Y, and Z? I think, you know, I've run the numbers. It'll actually produce this much of a result. Outstanding, bro. Thank you. That's leadership. Okay. Then in the family context, there's no one else. It's you, man. You're the head of the household and you have a boss, right?
King Jesus. But if you don't believe that either way, you're still the head of the household. Your wife and children are looking to you. to lead. Okay. And men are like trucks. We're better with some weight in the back. You know, like you have a purpose. It's validation. If people trust you with more, they come to you for leadership.
That's validation that you are a person who is trustworthy, that is capable, right? So that's the King pillar. If you're running away from that, You're deserving. You're failing those who need you most, right? So it is, [00:42:00] it's a burden, but it's a healthy burden. It's one that pushes us to be better, right? Two is warrior.
Okay. You have to be physically fit, mentally strong, and morally straight. You have to be able to protect the innocent and men are at their best when they are defending those who cannot defend themselves. So when I talk about the warrior pillar, go get physically fit. Sure. I'm not talking about becoming some brute.
I'm not talking about conquering those and exploiting those. No, no, no, no. We're using all of our strengths, all of our power to defend the innocent. And so we talked about this earlier, right? It's not just the physical harm. Most of the harm is coming from social media. It's coming from movies. It's coming from the things that the kids say to your kids at school.
It's coming from your anger. It's coming from outside forces like cultural influences and things like that. Are you going to stand up and defend your family against that? Are you going to say no, you can't watch that show? Because it's full of junk. I know a lot of parents who just let their kids watch whatever they, they're like nine years old and they're scrolling YouTube shorts.
That's not the, the warrior is failing. [00:43:00] Absolutely not men. That is not okay. So that, that, that warrior pillar is a lot more than just being physically strong and being able to do physical violence. It is being strength of will, strength of heart and character to hold standards, right? Men are supposed to defend others.
All right. And especially when it comes to our families. It's way beyond just the physical. So that's the warrior pillar. The mentor pillar men are designed to know things, right? We, we crave learning and acquiring knowledge and skill sets and stuff, and then passing it on, right? Just think of all the great people that have played a role in your life.
If you're listening to this, that mentorship is such a critical piece of what it means to be a man, right? Because when you're on the other end of it, right, you have protégés now. It's the most rewarding experience to help someone rise to new levels, right? And it's, that's, we get it with fatherhood all the time, but maybe you're not a dad.
You need to be a mentor. Like this is a pillar that every man must master because essentially in order to teach, you have to learn first. And so it creates this cycle of [00:44:00] growth where you're constantly challenging yourself and learning new skills and learning new emotional intelligence and things like that.
It's not just how to hammer and nail, right? It's, it's all of the things and then you pay it forward to the next generation. So that, that is something that men inherently have to embrace. And then the final one is I think the most difficult for most men. It's the lover pillar or friend, right? Beneath all of this strength, beneath all of this leadership, beneath all of this mentorship should be a heart that beats incredibly fiercely for the ones you care about the most.
So if you're a family man, it's your family. If you're single, it's for the people that matter most to you. Maybe it's friends, maybe it's your community, whatever that may be, everything you do should be driven from from a place of love for the others, right? The ones that you are responsible for. And that's where things like empathy, compassion, Vulnerability, all of this stuff comes into play and you become the tender warrior, hence the title of that book.
So when you balance all the strength of the king and the warrior with the care and affection of the lover. [00:45:00] You become this thing that transcends just like the average guy, right? You become this capable man who's able to step into the right positions at every aspect of his life and be the right thing in the right situation.
Those are the types of men that people look to. Those are the types of men that you can probably think of right now. Their name would be like, that guy had this presence about him. It's because he had all four pillars. He did all of these things really well. And it's not like you have to be some exceptional human being to do these things, whatever your place in life, whatever your scope of life is, not everyone's going to be the president.
Not everyone's going to be a literal king, right? Somewhere in your life, though, someone is going to look up to you for some form of leadership. And so this is more than just the dads out there, right? Maybe you're an uncle. Maybe you can volunteer at some organization that helps young boys or something like every one of us is built to help others.
The next generation and a lot of us are shying away from it. Oh, well, that's not my problem or I'll be labeled as toxic or whatever, right? We've abandoned our purpose. And that's where I come back to [00:46:00] the salty stuff, right? You're feeling all these things because you've walked away from what you were designed to be.
And so that, that culmination of all four pillars creates this man that is exceptional. And maybe in terms of success to the world, quote unquote, you're not, but the, the relationships you have, the legacy that you'll leave has so much value. It will extend far beyond you in ways you couldn't possibly imagine.
I mean, we've all known those guys, right? Maybe they were very poor in terms of their money, but they were rich in other ways. And those are the types of men that actually make a big difference in the world. It's not the guys with all the money and all the cars and all the look at me. That's one dimensional.
I want you to be a multidimensional man, a man who's capable of adapting to situations and providing the right type of leadership
Franklin: that creates such a just a powerful and to me an inspirational image of what is it I'm aiming for. You know, the, the king, the warrior, the mentor, the lover. [00:47:00] And you, you mentioned that.
I think there's, there's two polar opposites that are being pushed so hard in society right now. On one end, you've got just the chauvinistic. I'm on a jet. And if you don't have a Ferrari right now, then you're just, yeah. Yeah. You're just sucking at life, but they're, they're just taking advantage of, of their God given abilities in role to, to just serve their own desires and selfishness.
And then on the other end, you've got just apathetic. I'll sit in the back seat and not take a stand for anything. And that's not the answer. So you've got these two polar opposites. And then in the middle, you come in and have this this image in this framework of, okay, here's an example of what we were intended to be and who were intended to be and what we've got to fight for every day.
And I think it's so important for us to have that. image, but so that we can, can contrast what society is trying to confuse men and, and, and really confuse the next generation on. [00:48:00] And then the, the thing that also stands out to me on the mentor side, I think, man, what if we could look up and, and be in a world where, you know, Where the coaching that exists today to solve the problem that exists was no longer necessary because we had healthy men Raising healthy boys to become healthy men also surrounded by other Honorable men who could mentor them right because it's not just just a dad that's needed But it's it's other men to set example and to pour in and and all but what if we were lived in the world where?
Where we were doing such a good job by and large as men raising sons to become future men that we no longer needed coaches anymore because we just got it done the first time.
George: My dream is to put myself out of business. That would, that would be incredible, right? Like if, if this can go away and not be needed because men are just doing it, mission accomplished.
Franklin: Yeah. The only, I mean, the reason all the coaching exists right now is simply the [00:49:00] response to what is a massive problem in gap. I don't think anyone's to necessarily blame. It just is what it is, but it doesn't mean it's not a responsibility to go course. Correct. But we get enough, enough men healthy and on the right track.
Maybe we start to turn the tide and shift the trajectory of what our future sons. And our future men can expect down the road.
George: Well, and it's not just your sons too. Like I don't have a son, right? I'm reading all the books on how to raise sons and stuff so that I can help men with sons. But you know, I was a boy once I understand that, but it's also with your daughter, right?
Everything you model to your daughters is how a man is supposed to treat women. You're conditioning her to find the guy she's going to marry. So if she marries some guy that you're not happy about, it's probably your fault. Not always, but in general, you set the conditions for her to seek out that type of guy.
It's a little bit real, doesn't it? There's a really good book on that that I recommend for people called hero by Meg Meeker. She gives both for sons and for daughters, but man, [00:50:00] that one was a huge dose of conviction for me. When I read that, it was like, Oh man, I am not doing a good job. Like. I had some serious, like, gut wrenching conversations with myself about, like, where I needed to start really stepping up, because this stuff is serious, guys.
You only get, really by the age of 12, they're pretty much fully developed, and from 12 to 18, it's kind of just finishing touches. It's like the cherry on top of the sundae. You put the dessert together already at that point. So yeah, however old your kids are like this stuff matters. And, and this is where we've been so distracted by the wrong pursuits, the wrong things to chase.
Fathers need to own it more. If it means you miss a promotion for the next 10 years because you're being a better dad, that is going to extend so much more than whatever money that was going to be like the value that will be created from that is so far beyond whatever that raise is going to give you.
So don't fall into that trap. I would love [00:51:00] to not have to have a coaching business to help men with this stuff. But it goes, we have to raise good humans, right? We have to raise great children into adults. The goal isn't to have great kids. And I think we focus on that, you know, we focus on like, Oh, well, they're so good right now.
It doesn't stop. And then even when they're out of your home, if you've been a great father, you've been this tender warrior to them. It doesn't stop. It keeps going on. Right. And that's where we future cast men should have vision for the future because in order to lead, right, you have to know where you are currently.
And where are you trying to get to? And of course there will be detours along the way, but if you don't have that forward thinking vision, 10, 20, 30 years from now, then you're not leading. You're just kind of reacting. There's a big difference. I know my heading. I know my grid I'm trying to navigate towards, and I may have to shift around along the way, but that's still my heading.
And maybe the mission changes. Maybe that changes too, but you're adapting. [00:52:00] On a, on a direction, you're not reacting to whatever happens in your life. Okay. I think most men, you know, they couldn't, if you ask them, Hey, what's your life going to look like in 30 years, they would really struggle to articulate that like in vivid detail.
That probably means you have a lack of vision.
Franklin: Yeah. And a lot of times it's just, it's the hard work of putting that together. Creating that and then it all comes down to, okay, well, so what are you doing today to actually progress towards that? And it takes a high level of intentionality.
George: Part of it too, is I think we're afraid to say what we want.
Like we're like somehow if we, if we admit to others that we want these things, it's somehow like. We're arrogant or selfish or we're prone to judgment, you know, from others and stuff like that's not useful either get out of your own head like there is nothing wrong with wanting to have a very strong marriage to raise your kids successfully and to have like loads of grandchildren around you.
You're 60 years old, you're 70 years old, you're at your home that you've retired in, you know, like none of these things are bad. That's exactly the point of all of [00:53:00] this. And so to be proud of that, like, no, that's, that's what I'm fighting for. And we're like almost ashamed to say that, like we've been led to believe that somehow that's arrogant.
Okay. Let's play that out a little bit. So it's arrogant and selfish to want to like provide a better life to my kids and show them like genuinely how to live and have their own successful marriages and how to raise their own successful children into adults. Interesting. I'm really struggling to see how that's selfish.
And where'd that story come from to begin with? Right. And that goes back to, you know, you talked about like, where did this all start? You know, who's really to blame? Maybe that doesn't really matter. But the challenge I have to this generation of men is the buck has to stop with us. It's not fair. It's completely unfair, but life's not fair.
So what are we going to do? Are we going to stand up and change this? Are you going to change it for yourself and for your family and or for your future family? Or are you going to pass the buck and let the next generation have to deal with it? Like, are you going to let your kids have to deal with this?
I'm certainly not. I will fight until my [00:54:00] dying breath to make sure that my daughter does not have to deal with this crap any longer. I mean, that's really the, it's that simple and it sucks. It's not easy, but you know, here we are. So what are we going to do with it?
Franklin: Yeah, but to me, the, the idea of, of not taking a stand and doing what I know is right and just allowing my son and daughter to have to pay that the price for my apathy and unwillingness to do something that is even more terrifying.
And to me, spurs me into action is like, well, yeah, we just need more men who see how important they are and realize how valuable they are inside of their home and then give them the tools and the resources and the equipping to just, to just show up and love their family.
George: Yeah, man, that's, that's our primary mission.
It should be your primary mission is, is you and your family first and then everything else. And a lot of guys have that balance flipped. Yeah. [00:55:00]
Franklin: Your family does not feel more loved when you get that promotion. It's good, like there's nothing wrong with it, but they don't feel more loved by getting a new sales goal or the promotion or whatever that external thing is.
George: Yeah, I mean, the, uh, when you really think about, like, think about the number of Christmases you get left. That perspective really hits. I saw a real where it's like, it counts, you know, if your kid is this old, this is how many Christmases you have left, how many birthdays you have left, how many of this you have left.
And it's like, Oh man, that's not very many. And so it's like, if that means I have to have a little bit less now to make sure that I'm there for that stuff and really pouring into that stuff, that's an easy trade for me.
Franklin: George, this has been really awesome. Thank you for your service to our country, but thank you.
Your service to men to be a voice who's getting in the ring and just being a, uh, being [00:56:00] a beacon and, and, and just being another, uh, another man who's, who's just kind of sounding the alarm. Yeah. And then helping men to, to navigate the ups and downs. And. And to not have to learn things the hard way, like, thank you for what you're doing for the men that need it,
George: man.
It's my pleasure. And, you know, I had a lot of really exceptional men pour into me to help me get to where I am today. And that's, again, it's that mentor pillar, right? We're just paying it forward to the next group. And, uh, that's all I'm trying to do. So, you know, wherever you are, whoever you are, whatever you're up against.
Like we we don't do this alone. No one's going to win on their own like you need brotherhood You need friends to help you along the way if I can be that guy for you perfect If not, that's fine, too Just find someone reach out to someone and get involved like I please men I urge you get outside of yourself Be vulnerable with some other guys that you can really trust, really build some real relationship with.
And I know [00:57:00] that that's a very scary thing to say, but if you don't, you're staying exactly where you are today. What's the cost to you if nothing changes?
Franklin: If someone wanted to find you, follow your podcast, connect, where all might they do that?
George: Yeah, lots of places. So, uh, the podcast is the present father's podcast on most of the socials.
It's at the present fathers. We're on YouTube. We're on all those, the platforms for podcasts. If it is somewhere where a podcast is at, we're there. So you can just search the name. We should pop right up. And then for, For me personally with the coaching business, it's the elite sentinel. com. Um, I'm also on Instagram with, uh, elite sentinel coaching.
I'm still kind of ramping up all the socials for that, but really you can just go to the website. We have a free Facebook group I've put together for now. We're going to, we're going to move to a better platform in the future here, but for now I want to just start getting guys connected. We're building kind of a free curriculum to start chewing on some of the things I talked about in this episode.
And my, my goal here is just to equip you to be the hero in [00:58:00] your story. It's not about me. It's not about the name of the business or that kind of stuff. It's about you being the hero in your story and making a genuine impact in the lives of the people that matter.
Franklin: That's so good, George. Thank you very much.
This was a very awesome conversation and just really appreciate your time. Yeah, man. Thanks for having me on the world needs men.
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We want to get. These messages and these tools and resources out to as many men as we can so that marriages can be thriving, families can heal, so kids have great dads, so that wives have great husbands and one man at a time in this world, we can make a [00:59:00] difference.