Franklin Swann: I can have a clear
picture of what I want to be, but Monday

morning comes, it's time to go to work.

I just got in a fight with my wife.

The kids are screaming, the bills are
due, and all of this chaos ensues and

the idea of working towards something
bigger flies right out the window

because of the chaos of the day.

I'm back into survival mode and,
and I ultimately, it comes down

to I don't have a plan, right?

For how to move forward on a day-to-day
basis towards the ultimate goal.

'cause the resistance is gonna come,
all of the chaos is gonna come.

Knock us right off our feet if
we don't have a plan of action

Right now, the world needs great men who
will stand up and lead with honor, serve

with purpose, and courageously fulfill
their God-Given roles and responsibilities

as husbands, fathers, leaders, and men.

It's time we see more men thrive
marriages filled with passion

and families that flourish.

So whether you're a man
struggling to figure it all out.

Or an awesome husband and dad
looking for the next level,

you've come to the right place.

We are your hosts, Franklin Swann and
Tanner Hays, bringing you practical,

applicable tools and strategies you
can use every day to build yourself

into the man God is calling you to be.

This is the world needs men.

Let's go.

Tanner Hays: Today we're gonna be talking
about one of the biggest challenges

we see many men struggle with, and
we, we each have struggled with over

the years that many men don't even
realize that they are struggling with

but is a huge challenge in our society,

Franklin Swann: For men there, there's
two really important components to

ultimately becoming a man that you
want to become, really becoming the

man that God's called you to be.

And the first part of that is really
having a clear picture and image of what

it is that you're working towards as a
man, as a husband, a father, a leader.

what is the picture and the image
of honorable, godly masculinity

that you are aspiring to?

The second piece of that is, okay,
so we've, I've got the, I've got the

destination, but how do I get there?

And it's really about understanding how
to create a roadmap for yourself so that

you can predictably and systematically
move towards that ideal in a way that.

Makes sense and in a way that's doable,
in a way that you know is going to

carry you forward on a day-to-day basis.

Tanner Hays: And I, I think the
key there is having a destination

that is clear and a clear map.

Because if you asked me, Tanner,
where are you going on vacation?

And I said, I don't know.

And he said how are you gonna get there?

I don't know.

That wouldn't make sense.

That's a silly analogy,
but many men are, are.

Walking through their life exactly like
that with no clear destination and no

map or framework with how to get there.

Franklin Swann: I think back to when I
was newly married, a new father, early

in my career, you know, you kind of
get thrust into these new roles in life

and, and you're just kind of hanging
on for dear life at the beginning.

You're just trying to make it right
and just trying to figure it out and.

You're so kind of so overwhelmed with
it all that you never even thought of.

Probably like, what is the real
ultimate version of this that I wanted

to create for myself to begin with?

Tanner Hays: The thought never
even crosses your mind, or

at least it didn't for me.

, you're just trying to, work your
job or like, I, I was in school

when I was early on, married.

Having kids, I was trying
to start a new business.

You're just trying to survive each

Franklin Swann: day, and you, you kinda
look up one day and it's like, wow.

Navigating marriage and trying
to be a great father and trying

to run a successful business
all at the same time is right.

Is really daunting.

And you add all three of those together
and it is kind of the perfect storm

of really challenging chaos for a man.

Yes.

And then you, you look up one day and
it's like, what am I even working towards?

Or how did I get here?

And how did I, that's probably the number
one thing that goes through a guy's mind.

He might not say it out loud, but he,
in his heart, it's just like, goodness,

how did I get to where I am today?

Tanner Hays: I think that struggle,
whether we realize it or not.

Is the single most source of
discontent for, for a man,

Franklin Swann: right?

They're in a place they don't want to be,
but they also don't have a, a good picture

of where they would rather be, right?

They're not taught, we're not a
lot of times given as men like,

like this real ideal that we're,
we're trying to build towards.

We're just kind of thrown into the.

Into the game, so to speak.

And we're doing our best to
catch up and to learn how to

do what we're needing to do.

And in the, in the process, we get crushed
a lot of times just trying to manage

and navigate the complexity of life,

Tanner Hays: right?

So for someone that's listening
in their, like, I'm, I'm in it.

This is describing me, where do we start?

Franklin Swann: Any journey requires,
and that's really what we're on as men.

Our, our life is a journey.

The first thing that we really
have to do is define our ultimate

destination, in this life.

You know, what is it that I am building
towards as a man, as it relates

to my marriage being a father, my
career, my profession, my business?

My personal life and, and how
do I build that out in a way

that is biblically sound, right?

So we have to first have a biblically
based biblically principled view of the

destination that we are ultimately after.

There's a great verse one Corinthians 16.

It, it really gives a, an image of,
of who we are supposed to be as men.

It says, be on your guard.

Stand firm in the faith, be courageous
and strong, and do everything in love.

And, and that really encapsulates
kind of the physical, mental,

emotional, and spiritual elements
of what it means and what goes into

showing up as a healthy man, right?

Who can then fulfill his
roles and responsibilities in

life in a god-honoring way.

Tanner Hays: Right?

And give, and, and gives.

Each man a purpose.

I, we just read a, a survey the other
day that 75% of millennials feel like

they have no purpose in their life.

Franklin Swann: Yeah.

If, if you don't have purpose, that's
effectively not having direction,

not having a, a destination.

And if ultimately, if you're on
a journey without a destination,

that's just wandering.

And, and that's the challenge.

So many men.

Are wandering through life
'cause they just don't even know

what they're working towards.

They just, they're in survival
mode or they wake up every day

and they just try to survive.

Today, they just try to deal with the
bills, the challenges at home, the

stress at work, and it's just, let
me make it through today, much less,

try to move towards something better.

Tanner Hays: And if you're wandering
through the majority of your

life, it's gonna be very difficult
to end up where you want to be.

I heard a quote one time and,
and it, it said living by

design rather than by default.

And I think many men on a daily basis
are just defaulting to whatever their.

They feel like that morning or that
day and don't have a clear idea

of what they're trying to create.

Franklin Swann: And when you, when
you're living that way, there's just

such a lack of fulfillment in life.

'cause you don't feel like
you're ever making a process.

You don't feel like you're, or progress,
you don't feel like you're winning.

But, but we first have to define
the game and we first have to know

what we're working towards first.

Zig Ziglar said it best.

We wanna be a meaningful specific,
not a wandering generality.

And so the first thing that men need to
do is define where it is they want to go.

What is it?

What does the husband look
like that they want to become?

What does the father look like?

That they want to be in, in terms of
their career and their relationships

and their finances and their fitness?

Like what does a four dimensional
360 degree man look like?

That is in alignment with God's
principles and biblically sound

masculinity that is honorable, godly,
and, and ultimately creates value and

safety and and a sense of purpose,

Tanner Hays: right?

And, and ultimately just
a vision for their life.

juSt physiologically when you are.

Constantly in a, a stressed
out state, just trying to make

it each day in and day out.

Your brain works differently and
literally the parts of your brain

that are for long-term thinking, for
vision start to waste away and are not

used and are replaced by parts of your
brain that are like survival mode.

And this, this has been
shown through research.

So you literally have to show up on a
daily basis, not just to get to where

you want to be, but to make sure that
your brain is functioning at its best.

Franklin Swann: Wow.

That, that's powerful.

So the, and, and just really reinforces
just how powerful it it is and how

necessary it is for men to have a
clear picture of where they're headed.

Right.

Tanner Hays: What what's that
quote where there is no vision?

The, the people perish.

Franklin Swann: Yeah.

Bible verse, right?

Yeah.

Where there is no vision,
the people perish.

Where when men don't
have a vision, men die.

Men perish.

Now, they may not physically die.

They might not literally die,
but their lives become just a

shell of what they could be.

Exactly.

And, and I believe that God puts
so much potential in us, so much.

Promise.

So much ability and yet so much of that
just never even sees the light of day.

And, and there's just so much
more that we have to give as men.

And, and this is not a selfish thing, this
is an answering the call kind of thing.

Like, like, God did not put us on
this earth, I don't believe, to

just play small and, and be quiet.

We've got work to do, people
to serve impact to make.

In lives to change.

And

Tanner Hays: I, I believe that we
overestimate the work that we're

putting in and we underestimate
the impact that we can have.

You know, I think many of us are
like, Franklin, I'm, I'm working

my butt off day in and day out.

You know, I'm trying to serve my
family and try to serve my church.

I'm, I'm working hard, but
there's a difference between

being busy and being productive.

Having a clear map allows you to
be productive and actually reach

a destination that you want rather
than just working day in and day

out and just wandering and, and
working through the same problems.

Franklin Swann: Yeah, and that really
brings the, the second component of this

though, so we have the first piece of
this, which is having a clear destination,

which every man needs to have.

The second piece is you
really need a roadmap.

In order to know how to get to where
you wanna go, and that's a lot of times

one of the, the most challenging things.

So I can have a clear picture of
what I want to be, or even just a

sense of I wanna be a better dad
and a better husband and, and, and

have a life that fulfills me great.

But Monday morning comes,
it's time to go to work.

I just got in a fight with my wife.

The kids are screaming, the bills are
due, and all of this chaos ensues and

the idea of working towards something
bigger flies right out the window

because of the chaos of the day.

I'm back into survival mode and,
and I ultimately, it comes down

to I don't have a plan, right?

For how to move forward on a day-to-day
basis towards the ultimate goal.

'cause the resistance is gonna come,
all of the chaos is gonna come.

Knock us right off our feet if
we don't have a plan of action.

Right?

Tanner Hays: And it needs to be super
difficult in a thousand page manifesto of

how you go about it day in and day out,
and do your eight hour routine, right?

Yeah.

No,

Franklin Swann: men need simple.

Men need simple.

Like, I don't want complicated.

I don't want something crazy.

And that's the wild thing, the, you know.

I knew from a biblical standpoint
years ago, like who I wanted to

become in, in the call that I
felt God had placed on my life.

But, but what I couldn't find
and what I really had a hard time

discovering was, okay, but what's the
process of actually achieving that?

What are, what are the day
by day activities and actions

that, that I need to take?

And I, I really had to go to the personal
development and the self-help world.

In order to learn a lot of those tools.

And, and it was through that process of,
of marrying up the practical tools, the

practical tools that allow a day a man in
this modern age to navigate the complexity

and the chaos and all that we have to
deal with every single day, and marry that

up to a biblically based and biblically
principled and sound picture of, of

what I'm ultimately trying to become.

Well,

Tanner Hays: there's, there's a reason
that the personal development sphere

is a $42 billion a year industry.

And, and this just shows that
people are, are searching, they,

they're looking for something to,
to improve their, their lives.

And, you know, we have the
privilege of, of living in a,

a country that you can pursue.

Any religion or faith that you want.

But I think this is a huge thing that we
are losing in a battle that we're losing

with the church, is people are looking for
the tools and they're not finding them.

Mm-Hmm.

And I, I think this is where we can marry
those two with the personal development,

but also having biblical principles

Franklin Swann: behind it.

Think of it as.

You know, biblical principles married
up to practical application and

tools and, and you do find a lot of
stuff out there with the personal

development world that is very helpful.

That is just very practical.

You know, I, I've shared this story
before, but if you're on Christmas

Eve building, you know, that night
building a dollhouse for your, for

your daughter, like, you open the
book and it shows you on the front

page of the instruction manual, this,
this beautiful image and picture

of what that dollhouse is gonna be.

Then there is very detailed
step-by-step processes and guides

within that manual that show you
how to attach one piece to one piece

at a time to build that dollhouse.

And, and when, when men don't
have, when men have the image but

they don't have the step-by-step
plan, there's a big disconnect.

And that's when you end up
feeling lost, helpless, hopeless.

And it, it makes you just want to give up.

Tanner Hays: I.

And could someone put that
dollhouse without a, a clear, you

know, clear instructions together?

Yes.

But are most men gonna struggle and
or just waste time trying to figure

this out when they could have just
used the instructions to begin with?

Franklin Swann: There's a lot of trial
and error doing things wrong, and

it's not gonna look like the picture
that's on the front of the box.

Exactly.

It's interesting and it, and it's
really critical that if you're

gonna start on a journey, that you
have a roadmap of how to get there.

If you don't have a map that guides
you towards your destination,

you're, you're gonna get lost.

You're, you're ultimately gonna go down
the wrong road, take the wrong turn,

and not how know how to get there.

And, and what I know that I was.

Searching for and missing in my
life was that practical application

of what do I do on Monday morning?

What do I do in the middle of the week
when the chaos is ensuing and all the

challenges of life are hitting and,
and I just don't know what to do.

And, and the, the journey I've
been on over the past, you know,

really decade h has been the.

The realization of what I'm ultimately
trying to do as a man and who I'm trying

to become as a man, and then finding
through necessity and through really

at one point a sense of desperation.

But, but how do I put all this together?

And it was that biblical standpoint,
but also the, the practical tools and.

That simply at that point becomes one
positive action in the direction of

your desired destination at a time.

Men are not ultimately
looking for a destination.

It is that journey.

So you're always working towards
this better version of yourself

that God's calling you to.

Tanner Hays: And you have to start
by leading yourself first, right?

And once you can show up on a day-to-day
basis, leading yourself first.

Moral will be given to you,

Franklin Swann: If you want to be a
great husband, a great father first you

have to become a healthy man, right?

And in order to become a healthy man,
you have to learn to lead yourself.

And, and that leadership comes
down to four really key areas.

You've got your physical health and
your, and you want to, you gotta build

physical capacity in yourself so your
body is able to be a tool and then be

able to be used in service to others.

The second thing is you, you've got
to, as a man, lead yourself mentally.

You have to have mental clarity.

You have to be growing and
and really furthering yourself

from a knowledge standpoint.

And just from a a mindset standpoint, one
of the biggest challenges that men have is

we just have mindsets that don't service.

We have stories in our minds that
that completely erode and and hinder.

Our ability to move
forward to that next step.

Mm-Hmm.

The next thing you've
got is emotional control.

I can be the fittest guy on the block.

I can be the smartest guy in the
room, but if I don't have control

over our, my, my emotions, and this
is where so many men get tripped up.

The, they're, they're great in so
many areas of life, but then they

get triggered by something and
they lose that emotional control.

And that's really a high level.

Masculine skill is the ability to
choose our actions regardless of our

circumstance, rather than reacting in the
moment to whatever it is that's come up.

And, and this requires a deep level
of, of really mastery of yourself.

That's how you really love your family
when there's chaos in the home, right?

The kids are screaming.

Your your spouse is upset over something
and the ability to remain calm and still

be present and still love them in that
moment and, and have control over your

emotions, that is a black belt level skill
that every man should be in pursuit of.

Finally, the fourth element of
this is, is spiritual connection.

Men need.

A guide and need a leader, and there is
no one greater than God, than Jesus to,

to show them every day the steps that they
need to take to give them the strength,

the courage, the clarity, the confidence
to just show up one day at a time and

to be the man he's being called to be.

And.

Serving the people that
he's been called to serve.

You know, that roadmap, understanding
these four elements of the physical

capacity, the, the mental clarity, the
emotional control, and the spiritual

connection, all four of those create
a healthy man who is then able to

step up and serve his wife and his
children, his business and his community.

Tanner Hays: And these, these four
components, they're a daily pursuit.

Day in and day out because I think
many of us are good at one or good at

two or three or good in this season.

Not so much in the in this next
season, but this is a daily pursuit

that if pursued and attacked on a
daily basis, that produces momentum,

which then increases our capacity.

And ultimately helps us to achieve
the results that we want over time,

Franklin Swann: right?

Ultimately, our heart is that
we wanna see men win in all

the areas of life that matter.

Health in your physical body, connection
in your relationships, success in

your business, and a, a deep sense
of purpose and connection with God.

Like those four things is what?

The roadmap that we're gonna
present right through this podcast

and, and through this, the other
resources that we're gonna provide.

Like, that's what we wanna see men do.

That's what we've been able
to achieve in our lives.

That's what more men
should experience, right?

And when they get to experience
that their families just are gonna

be served and benefit so much more.

And, but, but that's possible.

And that's something that.

You know, really makes a life of
fulfillment when you are winning in

all the areas that really matter,

Tanner Hays: right?

And we, and we've broken these down
into simple things that can be done on

a daily basis so that you can, number
one, lead yourself first, number two,

lead your family and ultimately be
a productive man in your society, in

your community, in your church that.

Is leading others as well.

Franklin Swann: And, you know,
so the, that roadmap is really,

to your point, it's real.

What?

It's like Franklin Tanner.

What, what is, what do
you mean by a roadmap?

A roadmap becomes these simple daily
actions that you take that compound

over time and move you in the direction
of the man you want to become.

It's not it's not crazy stuff
that's undoable, it's just sim.

It's the simple and the
mundane a lot of times.

Just done consistently, that
has the greatest impact,