[00:00:00] Right now, the world needs great men who will stand up and lead with honor, serve with purpose and courageously fulfill their God given roles as husbands, fathers, leaders, and men. I'm your host, Franklin Swan, bringing you practical tools and powerful conversations you can use every day to build yourself into the man God is calling you to be.

This is The World Needs Men. Let's go. Hi, welcome back to The World Needs Men podcast. Today we're going to be talking about being a better husband and specifically we're going to be talking about taking your wife on date night. Uh, it's, it's a very simple thing to do and it's a very simple thing to not, uh, but I'll just, uh, just kick this off and propose men that if you want to be a badass husband, if you want to [00:01:00] be the kind of husband that your wife's friends are jealous of, Then you need to have some basics in place and you need to be a man who dates his wife and puts time and effort and energy and money into getting your wife out of the home, out of the normal day to day weekly routine and go invest into her, pour into her emotionally and mentally and, and just, you know, and pursue her the way that you did before you were married and I would say even pursue her better than you did before you were dating.

If you think about, if you think about date night, if you think about dating your wife, I would propose that you consider this. Dating your wife after you get married. is more important than dating before. I mean, dating before you get married, you're excited, there's all the newness, there's the, you know, the quote, the honeymoon phase, [00:02:00] all the, just the passion and the, uh, and the newness and all the things that kind of get you energized and going.

And it's easy to date before you get married, but the real work begins afterwards, right? You don't build a marriage before you get married. You build a marriage after you get married and the statistics for divorce are abysmal and Even more than that if you look at it, who is the you know, who's the majority of the people filing to for divorce?

It's women. So I would propose that the reason women are You filing for divorce is not because they've got just epic men that they're married to. They've got men who have fallen asleep at the wheel, who are, not exciting anymore, not taking them on date night, not, not doing the simple things. Because I doubt many of the women who are filing for divorce are doing so, uh, with a, with a man who is just filling them up.

And, and investing his time, effort, and energy into her in a way [00:03:00] that makes her feel valued and desired and loved and appreciated and, and all the things she wants to feel. So we're going to get tactical today and talk about how do you, why you want to date night each week in your, in your marriage, and then how do you do that and some mindsets that you need to have around that.

But going, going on a, on a weekly date is one of the most powerful and positive and productive things that you can do for your marriage. Bar none. Life gets busy. We've got kids, we've got jobs, we've got careers, all these things, right? And, you know, And if you don't take some time out for the two of you, it is, it, you cannot connect, right?

You can't have that space where you can focus just on your wife to check in to see how is she doing? How is she feeling? What's going on in her world, you don't have that opportunity to come back together and to, and to reconnect. And you need to do that every single week. And in, in our home, like I had date night last night.

So this is very relevant, very timely. Uh, [00:04:00] we went out to a movie, went out to dinner, we spent time talking. and it was a great night and both of us at the, at the end of it are like, cow, we just, we love and cherish this time that we have every single week because it just allows us to reconnect and it keeps our marriage strong.

It keeps us on the same page. And when we don't have date night for a bit, like, We can feel it. It's just, there's a shift in that closeness and that dynamic between us. And then when we do make sure and prioritize date night, it's just something that's, uh, that, that adds so much to our marriage. So if you want an awesome marriage, if you want a, a marriage that grows and deepens over time, if you want to not just be a, average husband, but just an epic, awesome, world class husband.

Date night is your go to, in one of the simplest ways you can do that. If, you, there's a lot of things you can do to improve your marriage, but if you're not going on a weekly date, I would propose that [00:05:00] the, you know, a lot of the other things you're going to do are just not going to be as, as productive.

So have one every single week. Uh, it's your opportunity to reconnect, physically, mentally, emotionally, you get to check in, and, and you get to get the distractions away and just focus and put all your attention on her, which she deserves. And, when you think about it, the things that you pay attention to in your life are the things that grow.

I You may say that you don't have enough time for date night, but how much time, effort, and energy do you put into your work? How much time, effort, and energy do you put into your hobbies? How much time, effort, energy do you put into your kids? your marriage and your spouse is more important than all three of those things.

And so you have to prioritize it in whatever you're putting your effort and energy into is going to naturally grow. And if you, If you're not happy with your marriage, if you're not happy with your relationship, but you're not investing in it, then you don't have any excuse, and you're just being a victim, and you're just putting the blame on your wife, when, [00:06:00] men, at the end of the day, we're leaders.

And it's up to us to take our wife on a date night. It's up to us to infuse excitement and playfulness and, uh, an energy back into the relationship. I know it's a two, you know, it's a partnership and there's two sides to this, but we don't get to put any of the blame on somebody else. We get to accept all the responsibility and just take ownership for it.

So starting a date night, habit or increasing and improving the date night habit that you already have, or maybe you just need to get it and revive it. And maybe, maybe you've done date night, but they kind of got stale and, and it seems just kind of monotonous. Now I'm going to give you some tips. I'm going to give you some things, some things to think about and things to do.

They're going to make it easier. So number one, you got to take initiative. Like, take initiative to, to put the plans together to, uh, be creative, decide what you're gonna do, get the babysitter, uh, make the reservations, and, and just get it on the books. next thing, you need to be [00:07:00] creative. If you go to a movie and go to dinner every single time, then that gets monotonous and not fun.

Like, your wife wants creativity, your wife wants variety, and your wife wants to know that. Because you are creative, that means you put effort and intentionality behind it, which is going to mean a whole lot to her. So don't just do the same thing every time. next thing is be flexible. You may come up with plans and have a particular thing you want to do, and then your wife says, you know, I'd really just rather go do this other thing tonight.

Okay, cool. Like, then you get to, you know, be flexible, do what she wants to do in that moment, but also you will. You can just recycle and use whatever plans you were going to do that night some other time. And so, you just need to be flexible with it because you may have a really nice date where you're going to get all dressed up and go out to a nice restaurant and then, you know what, the week has been so heavy and there's been so much stuff with the kids and you're, and you're both exhausted and your wife's like, you know, can [00:08:00] we just go to a casual dinner tonight and just chill?

And you need to be able to be flexible enough to shift and pivot and go, Oh, that'd be awesome, sweetie. I'd love to. the next thing, when you do go on date night connect, ask her how her week's going, how she's doing, what is her, what are the things that she's interested in right now? What are the things that she's, who are the friends that she's hanging out with?

what things are concerning her, what things are on her mind? Use this time to not just go spend time, but to really Dig in and use that time to get to know your wife more deeply. You know, as, as humans, we're always evolving. We're always changing. Life moves very quickly, and it's really important that we stay connected with each other along that journey.

And so we should always be trying to, to learn more and discover more about our spouse. And a non date night is a great time to do that, but you have to be intentional with how you're asking questions and how you're, uh, Uh, really pursuing, getting to know your wife better. Uh, so, movies are fine, uh, you know, but [00:09:00] It's, it's pretty hard to talk in a movie and so just make sure that, that you're doing things that allow you to spend some time talking and especially asking about her and her life.

the next thing, do something, uh, when you go on date night, don't do the thing with your wife on date night, just the two of you, that you do with the kids. Like. If you've got something that you always do as a family or when you take the kids, you go do it. don't do that thing.

Right. She's not gonna think that's very attractive, very sexy, very very exciting when it's like, yeah, these are the things I do with the kids. I mean, to be extreme, if you went and saw a kid's movie at the, at the movie theater rather than, taking her out, on a really nice, to a really nice dinner, you know, she's not going to be really excited.

And so just make sure that you're not doing something that you would normally do with the kids. the next thing, incorporate, uh, and utilize, and create date nights that, that bring in her interests and hobbies. if your wife loves to play a particular [00:10:00] sport, Go play that sport, even if you don't like it.

Like, the key is not to do what you want to do. The key is to create something where you're able to connect, and that may mean that you do what she likes to do. My wife likes to play tennis. I'm not a big tennis player. But from time to time, we'll have a date night, and the first part of it is that we go play tennis together.

And I enjoy it, and I enjoy, loving my wife in that way because it's something that she enjoys doing. So, make sure that you incorporate the things that she loves to do. and then the next thing, from time to time, splurge. Doesn't have to be every time, it doesn't have to be a, a really expensive meal and a really big thing that you do every time.

But every now and then, you should pull out all the stops and you should splurge on date night. Take her to the nicest restaurant you can afford. Take her and do the nicest thing that you can do. Um, and really just kind of go to another level with it. So, those are some tips. next thing, I want to talk about when date night's tough, because this is also true, like it can be [00:11:00] really hard to fit date night in, depending on where you are in life. You may have young kids at home. You may, uh, you may have some financial challenges. You may, uh, both be working, right? Time may be limited.

Money may be limited, uh, resources to, to get, you know, A babysitter may be limited. So what can you do? and what are some, some ideas around that? Well, a few things. One, you can do a coffee date. Every now and then my wife and I will take the kids to school together and after we drop them off, we run right down to the street to a coffee shop and it's sort of, instead of a date night, we just have a coffee date and we sit around and have a cup of coffee and, and chat.

Uh, for an hour or so after the kids get dropped off at school, like, that's a great way to connect. the next one is you could have a lunch date. You know, if the kids are at school and you both eat lunch and you both have a lunch break, we'll find some time every now and then to where you meet up during that time and, and make that a date.

You can do something as easy as going for a walk. That is free. So if, [00:12:00] if you're, if your problem is, uh, I don't have enough money to go out and, uh, and buy dinner Or do something nice. Okay, great. Like, ask your wife if she'd like to go on a walk with you. And then while you're walking, connect. Talk. Hold hands.

Like, just spend that time. Like, that is simple and that is free. the next thing you could do is, get with some friends that have kids in the same age range as you and work with each other where one of you takes all the kids one night and watches them while the other one goes on date night and then the next time you, uh, you know, they watch the kids and you get to go on date night.

So you swap back and forth. So like there, there's really not an excuse, man. Like anything that you're saying right now that, uh, you don't have enough money, you don't have enough time, you don't have the resources, whatever the case may be. If you're not going on date night, Whatever the thing is that you're using as the reason, it's just an excuse, and you need to get over it, and you need to lead, and you need to man up, and do something as simple as taking your wife on date [00:13:00] night, because all those things are excuses, and if you're smart, and if you put in a little bit of effort, you can find a way around it, alright?

And she deserves it, like, bottom line, every man listening to this that's married, your wife deserves to be taken on date night every single week. That needs to be your mindset. It's not a chore. It's not something that like you just have to check a box. Like that is how you, that is one of the best ways that you can invest into and cultivate your marriage.

uh, the final thing, like, okay, you've got little kids at home. You can't find a babysitter, all those things this week. Surprise your wife with a little candlelight dinner on the back porch after you put the kids down, like figure out dinner, make a nice little setting, let her know that, hey, tonight, Like, once the kids go down, I've got a surprise, don't worry about dinner, and I got it, right?

And just sh I mean, there is no excuse you can boil it down to something that simple. And also realize, too, we all go through seasons. My kids are at an age now [00:14:00] where I can we can start to to leave them at home, and whether they have a babysitter or not, they're old enough. But Whatever season you're in right now, like it's not gonna last forever.

So if you've got little bitty kids, they're gonna get bigger. You're gonna be able to find babysitters, you're gonna be able to leave them one day and, and go on date night without having a babysitter. So it doesn't matter what season you're in, find a way to make it work. Find a way to, to make date night a weekly commitment and a priority.

Like, we, my wife and I have gotten to the place where we value and love that time so much with each other, and we know how good it is for our marriage, that we prioritize it just about over everything. We fit it in somewhere, we adjust, we move, we shift things around, but we make it work. In those weeks when we forget to, in those weeks when we let it go, slip by us, it just impacts our marriage.

It's, we're not as connected, we're not as on point, and it's just one of the best things we can do for it. [00:15:00] another thing I want to mention, when you take your wife on date night, you model to your kids what a loving, great marriage looks like, and you show your kids that they should prioritize and put value into and time into their spouse one day.

So you're not just doing it for you, but you're also setting an example, and more kids need great examples of what thriving marriages look like, especially in the society and the world we live in today. Alright, so give your kids a leg up. This is something tremendously beneficial for them. So how do you start a date night habit?

this is very, so a few very simple little tips and just ways to get going, especially if you haven't done this before or haven't, haven't, you're out of the habit of going on a date. So number one, very simple. You pick the date and time. Like we're going to go out on Thursday night at seven o'clock.

We're going to go out on Friday night at six o'clock. Right? Just set a date and a time with your wife. Next is, you pick the location. You [00:16:00] pick a restaurant to go to, a place where you can do an activity, the movie theater and the movie you're going to see, whatever it is that you want to do, but, like, you pick the time, I mean, the location and the activity.

The next one is, you invite your wife to date night. Hey sweetie, hey honey, I'd like to go on, can I take you on a date night on Friday night? Would you like to go on date night with me on Saturday? Okay. It's that simple. Just invite her. And then, once she says yes, and you know that the time works, and the date and time, and the activity and all that, well then just make sure that you have all the other necessary arrangements in place to make it happen.

So, if you need to make reservations, make those. Uh, if you need to buy tickets or, uh, reserve a seat or, find kid care or whatever the all the just the other little details need to be. Make sure that, uh, that you do that and that you have that all set up. So look, that's it. Date night is not complicated.

it is not rocket science. It is one of the simplest things to do. And I [00:17:00] think, uh, Because it's so simple and so, so easy to do, it's, it's also so very easy not to do, uh, especially when life and, and everything gets in the way. But, and I would also say this, the more you don't want to go on date night, is a reflection of how much you actually do need to go on date night.

If you don't want to go on date night, you desperately need to go on date night. And you can make this a weekly deposit and a weekly investment into your marriage that is way easier than going through a divorce, or losing a marriage, losing your family. And it, like, it doesn't happen overnight, man. Like, marriages don't fail overnight.

Marriages fail often because of neglect over time because men didn't take the time to invest and to pay attention and to keep treating his wife even better than he did [00:18:00] when they were just dating, before they were married. So, men, be a leader. Like, take responsibility for this. Don't. Put all the pressure and responsibility on your wife.

Don't be a victim and blame her. Be a leader, and know that it is a responsibility and it's a privilege to be able to take your wife out every single week and to invest in her. And that's a, that's, that's important. Spending money on your wife to connect is not an expense. It's one of the, it's, it is the best investment you can make.

You cannot make a better investment of time, energy, and money. Then the time, energy, and money you put into your marriage period, it will pay better life dividends. It will make your life exponentially better, uh, in every way over every other thing that you could put in, put your life into. So be a leader, be a man.

Take your wife on date night and be the man she. Silently [00:19:00] just crying out for you to become, and the husband that she deserves, alright? So let's get after it, men. There's no excuse. Take your wife on date night. I could, I could say this till I was blue in the face. Listen to this podcast a couple more times, and make the simple commitment that every single week one of the things you and your wife do is you go on date night.

And you make it a habit. And you just don't ever stop. Oh, I'm early forties right now. I'm 42 years old. God willing, my wife and I have decades of time left together. And in that time we will, I'm sure, rack up hundreds of date nights. And our marriage will be better for it. Our life will be better for it.

And our kids and our family will be better for it. So I don't need to harp on it anymore. Y'all know what to do. Take your wife on date night, be an epic world class husband. Be the man the world needs, and that your family needs, and your family deserves. [00:20:00] Let's go.

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And until next time, be the man the world needs.