48 Faction Foundation - Family
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[00:00:00] Right now, the world needs great men who will stand up and lead with honor, serve with purpose, and courageously fulfill their God given roles as husbands, fathers, leaders, and men. I'm your host, Franklin Swan, bringing you practical tools and powerful conversations you can use every day to build yourself into the man God is calling you to be.

This is The World Needs Men. Let's go. Welcome back. Welcome to the World Needs Men podcast. I'm your host, Franklin Swan, and joined by my guests, Derek Price and Josh Gonzalez. And this is going to be part two of a four part series. The first, we dove into this whole topic of functional faith and what that looks like.

And the next three are going to cover the areas of family, fitness, and then [00:01:00] finance. And today we're going to do kind of a deep dive into the family domain and just kind of talk about what that looks like and how we deepen our family ties and relationships, how we can set goals within that, how we can measure it, track it.

And ultimately, uh, just move the needle forward in, uh, in a very, very important area of life. So gentlemen, welcome to the show. Thank you for coming back and let's dive in. Thank you. It's good to be back, man. Thanks for putting this platform together that gives us an opportunity to get that message out.

And I was thinking about, you know, sometimes the message that we give out doesn't land perfectly, but for any intuitive and inquisitive listener, the message doesn't have to live. land perfectly for you. The shoe that we build doesn't have to exactly fit your foot, but take from it some pearls and make it your own.

And any wise person can have any conversation and say, well, that may not be something I'm going to use, but for that one word, that one sentence, that one piece. And so when you go into something like this, when we [00:02:00] get into those family type conversations, faith, those ethericals, different revisions and different definitions and different scenarios.

Like it would be impossible to cover every, every potential scenario, relationship and manifestation that come together. So take the generalities that we speak about, apply them into your world and how it fits and understand that this is, while we can say it's a done for you, it's done for you in theory, but it's for you to take into your world and apply it.

It's interesting. I'll talk to guys from time to time that listen to the show and they'll be like, Oh, you talked about this, that and another. And I'm like, One, I don't, I don't even remember talking about that. Two, it certainly wasn't the, the thing I was trying to get across, but to your point, everyone kind of takes away the thing that they need.

And so, yeah, I love that. Well, Derek, why don't you jump in and kind of define what we, what you mean when we talk about family? and how you approach it and how you really lead men that come into your program to kind of assess where they're at in their, [00:03:00] in their relationships and their family and, and how to set some meaningful targets and move forward and actually deepen those relationships and just improve in that area of life that matters.

Okay. So, um, absolutely. And thank you for that question. But, um, for anybody watching this podcast, if you just saw Josh go into like a panic freeze, It's because he knows you just gave me enough questions to go for the next three hours and he's thinking oh my gosh This is gonna become non conversational Derek's just gonna talk so I'll break him down one at a time So let's talk about the definition of family and how we see it here at club faction how I see Family when we think about it, we go mom dad kids and it's the nuclear family.

Cool. Let's assume that's baseline Well, that wasn't my scenario. I didn't grow up with a father. So if the story was just about that's what family looks like, then I'm immediately precluded. So what I came up with was a little bit more along the lines of, to me, family is that inner circle of people that you love and that love [00:04:00] you back.

Listen, you're gonna have struggles, you're gonna have fights and infightings, but the family are the people that, while you may dicker with and have issues with, if the world comes at them like you have their back, they have yours. And for most of us at our age, it's just spouse. It's a husband or a wife, right?

It's a girlfriend, a boyfriend, it's a fiance, it's something along those lines. And then it extends into children, and it extends into brothers and sisters and moms and dads and cousins and aunts and uncles and all the things that we would typically define as family. But what I want to make sure is very clear is just because your dynamic might be different, you might have two moms, you might be an orphan and have no blunt relatives that you can find on planet Earth.

Or you may have left your blood relatives because of something you've done or they've done to you and that you've cut them off. Here's the reality. The people in your life that you love and that love you back are your family. And so when we're talking about all family dynamics, [00:05:00] don't just think spouse.

Don't think husband. Think the one person you love is the one person that you love. Then, then that's you, that's your most important. Whether it's, it's a, Heck, when I played football, there was guys that came up from the streets, didn't know who their dad was, mom was in jail, didn't know who their brothers and sisters were, their family was the locker room, their family was the coaches, their family was like, who gave them shelter, who gave them space, Like who listened to him?

Who's there for you? So, so let's take on board the fact that of course the nuclear family is the image we all have in our head and I live the nuclear family life and Franklin, I know you do as well. And as a patriarch, as a leader, as an alpha within my, my family, not just because I'm the male dominant, but because that's just kind of, it's who I am.

It's the personality, it's how we fit. I'm going to also establish that if you're the type of person listening to a podcast like this, which [00:06:00] means you said, I want to listen to something that's going to grow me one percent, or at least give me the opportunity to maybe grow me one percent, then you are a leader.

And I'm going to tell you, much like this podcast, The World Needs Men, there's not enough leaders out there that take action. So I want to tell you that the quid pro quo, this leadership mantle that you can put on your shoulders. It's going to say that you are the steward and you're the leader and you're the responsible party for your family and therefore I'm going to define from the beginning that if there are problems within the family and if you come to a juxtaposition or a crossroads where I think it's X and that person thinks it's Y and we're at a stalemate and because of that, we don't like each other, we don't move forward.

Whatever that is, I'm going to tell you, hard stop. It is your job to be the bigger person. You take the responsibility, you take the ownership, you figure out how to make it work. You take it on a chin, you take the humility, just as much as you take the [00:07:00] praise for being a leader. If you're the leader of your family, that means it is your job to hold it all together, right?

It is not their job. Just like with kids, it is not their job when they're mad at you. I'm not gonna go as a dad, sit in my room and be like, when, when they want to apologize to me, then we'll be ready to talk. No. It's a child. It's a kid. It's somebody that's under my stewardship and patronage. I'm going to go suss this out, and I'm going to take ownership, and I'm ready to do uncomfortable things.

I may put my ego at challenge, but it's my job. It's my duty and responsibility. So, family is the person for the people that surround us that we love and love us back regardless of blood relation. And as a person watching and listening to a program like this, It would not be doing this if you weren't already in a leadership mindset.

I'm going to tell you as you listen to everything today, it is your responsibility, whether you believe you're right or wrong. At the end of the day, it's your responsibility to make it work. I'm going to dive in on that for just a second and reiterate. If, if you [00:08:00] want to progress with your family as a, as a leader in your home, It's not, can you set your ego aside?

It's not only that you have to set it aside, but you're actually going to have to collide with your own ego, because it is going to flare up no matter what, and your ability to, to step into that and lean in and experience that really deep level of discomfort that your ego, you know, builds inside, and then have the humility to swallow that and to do what you need to do and to take the necessary actions and to, and to be responsible It, that is not easy work.

I mean, that is really deep emotional work to have to do, and, and I think that's just an important thing for men to realize, like, that is just, that's part of the game, no matter what you want to do. Franklin, that's an interesting point about the ego, and like, I think we use that word, but how does it, how does it manifest practically in the day to day family life?

And what I've noticed, I have a background in law, [00:09:00] but and domestic relations specifically. And I, I really started to see that a lot of men, kind of very alpha male type man, and maybe the more inauthentic alpha male, they see these family interactions as winning and losing, just like business. Like I maybe win, I get better, I'm, I'm the bigger fish out there.

When you move into family life, you don't really win arguments with your spouse. It doesn't quite work like that because somebody loses. Do you want your spouse to lose? Like, is that the dynamic that you've set up where it's a win and lose zero sum game type scenario? And the best way I formulate, like, what does it look like putting one's ego to the side?

Like, how do you practically do that? And you put the person first. And we talked about this in one of our calls. It's not me versus you. It's me and you versus the problem and [00:10:00] that's the true leader coming together with their team. It's like, hey, I'm not against you here. You're not against me. I know this is a stressful situation.

I know probably our we're getting a little defensive. We have all of this, but we really need to pivot that towards the problem or to the situation. that came up towards the things that happened in the past that maybe caused us to be this way and not I'm attacking you, that type of thing. So I've seen that come up and it's, it's very important to always put the person first.

Derek, and we're going to sideline just a little bit on this because I want to, I want to pull on that a bit. How do you coach men to separate the problem for the, from the person so that you can do what? what Josh said and not make the person the problem, but actually partner with your spouse in order to tackle the problem and not, and understand the difference between the two.

You go right to some advanced tactics there, boss. So this is a little bit [00:11:00] higher level and what you have to do and listen for everybody that have to, you can do whatever you want. And there's a million ways to do this. This is how I do it. You have to separate your emotional attachment to the outcome, and it's impossible to do if you do it through the framework of who you are.

So what I do is I play mock scenario in my head. If I was a third party coach witnessing a scenario, I would give methodical, didactic, linear advice as to what I see in the order in which it's coming out. And I don't have a emotion of who's winning, who's losing, who's right, who's wrong. So if I can, it's like, and I guess we call that the scales of justice, right?

The scales of justice are blind and blind should be like visual and emotional as well. So when, when I have a resistance somewhere in my family, I may feel I'm right. But the resistance is because that other party [00:12:00] feels that they are right as well. So to Josh's point, you'd end up with a zero sum. If I dominate, I will win, but they will lose.

So it's plus one, minus one, we're at zero again. So if I stand back and say, if I was observing this as a coach, to your point, and I looked at the information on the right and I looked at the information on the left, the reality is it's not usually where the right is correct or the left is correct. It's usually.

They have a really good point, and they have a really good point, and if I can come unattached and unemotional to it, how do we come up with a new conclusion that is 50 percent of what they're looking for, 50 percent of what they're looking for, and it satisfies? Because being right isn't to win.

Compromising every single time isn't to win either. But being methodical and having a system about how you approach it keeps you consistent. And consistency in family decisions builds [00:13:00] trust. When your kids, when your spouse, when your family, the people that love you understand that you are predictable in your patterning of how you're going to act and react to things, then they build a certain level of trust.

Well, that can, as positive as that may sound, that's also there's a negative to it. Because if habitually, if you bring an issue to me and I blow my gasket, and I do that every time, and I overreact and I come at you like full force and just, All kinds of anger and just a ball of fury. You're going to learn and you're going to trust.

that if I bring a scenario to this person, they're going to explode on me. So while we always say like, Hey, if I do this, they're going to trust the outcome because if I'm consistent and then it builds up, yeah, it builds trust. But trust shouldn't be like, I trust that this person is going to explode and be crazy about person or this for, I trust that this person is going to be logical.

So in my scenarios when I'm [00:14:00] coaching as both a father and a coach is I articulate and talk out loud as I'm going through things. So for example, if I were to have a. difference of opinion with my wife or my kids. And I'm like, well, I think we should do this. Well, I think we should do this. And then I'd give my two cents and she gives her two cents.

And we're still basically a standoff. I said, well, let me back out a little bit and like, let's look at this big picture and let me explain to you why I see this now with as much empathy as possible. Help me understand from your point of view, why it makes sense for you. Because oftentimes we are deaf and blind to the undertones and the undercurrents of why somebody wants something.

Because we more than, more than wanting to understand and have empathy for them, we want to be right. So we're living on our response, and you'll know that you're in that case, and I'm going to challenge you, this is action work number one. The next time you find yourself in [00:15:00] a resilient conversation, or not resilient, but uh, where you guys are going back and forth, do you already have your point loaded as they're trying to get their point out?

So if you find, That while they're getting ready to tell you, and this is why we, and you're already ready, as soon as there's a break in the conversation to give yours, then you're just playing volley. You're not trying to solve anything, you're trying to dominate. And dominate is, I'm trying to spike the ball on you, I'm trying to spike the ball.

I'm using your words, I'm going to spike the ball, and I'm loaded, and I'm cocked, and I'm ready to punch. Like, everything's back here. As soon as you give me your opening, boom, I'm like, I'm going to come in and punch. Well, it's that type of thinking that causes just back and forth conflict, people get mad, and escalation, like.

Hey, we, I say this, you say this. I need to say it a little bit louder. Why didn't you say it more aggressive? Well, I need to be louder. Well, you're not hearing me. And it just, and then it gets into nuclear war. And then you go like, how did we even get there? Because you're so to the ego, sometimes you want to be right.

[00:16:00] Right. And that's, it's, it's, I'm telling you it's your job. It's not your spouse's. It's not your boyfriend's or girlfriend's. It's not your kids. It's not the inner circle of people around you, it's not their job to do what we are talking about right now. Which as soon as you find yourself in that, I said this, you came back with that, I would normally come back here as fast as you can and say, Hey, I might be missing something.

So I'm going to role play real quick. Josh and I are in a conflict. Hey, Josh, I need you to go right. Josh is like, I need to go left. I'm like, Josh, I'm telling you, I want you to go right because I'm, I'm going left. I can keep pushing him. I already heard him say it two times. How about this? Hey, Josh, I think it should be right.

However, I might be missing something. So let me slow everything down. Help me understand from your point of view why going left is the right move because I might be missing something. And then I'm going to hear it different and it gives him space without the pressure of knowing that there's a counter punch coming for him to slow down and [00:17:00] remove his defense.

And say, well, because the, and then the, we're back in the conversation again. But when you just play the ping pong game of like, you say X and I say Y and I'm going to say a bigger X, you say a bigger Y, it just, it drives you nowhere. And then husbands that we coach come to me and they're like, my wife doesn't listen.

I'm like, why didn't you just stop and ask to hear what she had to say? I bet she would say, you don't listen. Well, no, you don't understand. Like I do understand. Been a doctor for a long time, seen a lot of conflict, been on this earth a long time, been married for 30 years, been through everything you can think of.

It is your job to be the bigger person. The bigger person says, I'm going to call time out on my desires of being right, and I want you to understand why you're coming from that point of view. Heartfelt understanding. Doesn't mean I have to agree. Doesn't mean I have to succumb to it. I need to understand.

That's how I coach it. Thank you. That, [00:18:00] that should help some men. I hope so. Okay, so I'm going to pull us back on track. How do you set some goals in your, uh, in your, in your family? Because that's a hard thing we were talking before the podcast in your, in your business or financial world, pretty easy to set goals and your fitness world, pretty easy to set goals, family and faith a little bit harder.

And so how do you do that? And then how do you build out a plan that helps you progress towards that outcome? Well, I'll line it up here, but I'll give young Josh some, some opportunity on the microphone. But Frank and I, I think like this, and it all makes sense to you. If you've ever been on an airplane, they give you the same talk every time.

Hey, put your oxygen mask on first before you help your neighbor. Listen, learn how to swim before you save a drowning person, or else two people drown. So for all leaders, and again, if you're listening to this podcast, that is applicable to you. I want you to do this. If you have the ability, to either hold this vision in your mind or draw it out on paper, here's what I want you to do.

And I'm going to [00:19:00] draw it out on paper, so I'm going to walk you through it. I want you to put an X on a piece of paper, and that X represents the absolute bullseye of a target. We've all shot at targets, arrows or guns or whatever, And then you draw a circle, small circle around that X, and that's that 10 point ring, that's the, that's, that would be considered hitting the bullseye.

The X is the center of the bullseye, and then that, that ring is the bullseye, and then you draw another circle around that, and that might be your 9 ring and your 8 ring, and draw 3 or 4 circles going out. If our goal is to be the strongest, best version of self, then we have to start with the Exit Self, and the Exit Self is you.

And the Exit Self says, I, me, have to get me squared away. And whatever squared away is, is get the Rubik's Cube of your life, family, fitness, and finance balanced and in harmony. So if you're putting Frankly, if you're putting 80 hours a week into your finance growth, I need to see like, a reciprocal into your [00:20:00] faith.

I need to see a reciprocal into your family. I need to see a reciprocal into your fitness. Or else we get wildly out of balance, right? And to your point earlier, and this is more of a conceptual point, is the world needs men that are balanced. The world doesn't need men that just work on the things that we can see, touch, taste, and feel.

So guys, prioritize the words faith, family, fitness, and finance, and then ask yourself which ones you prioritize. Your words say, of course faith, of course family. And I'm going to say, how often do you go to the gym? And you're going to say, one hour a day, five days a week. I'm super proud of it. And I'm going to say, cool.

Do you put one hour a day into your faith? Do you put one hour a day into your family? Yeah. I wouldn't, you know, I love my family. I have breakfast with them and we do that. Cool. Do you have a plan? Can you show me a plan? No. How, why would I have that? Great. Go back to your workout. Show me what you're doing next Tuesday.

Oh, it's leg day. I'm doing four sets of 10 [00:21:00] and I'm You have an absolute plan, and the odds of you being successful with your workout and your growth getting stronger or more fit or whatever it is when you have a plan are infinitely researched all over the planet, we don't have to debate this. You follow a workout plan, you follow a scheduled plan, you're going to achieve greater results than if you don't.

Same with dieting. That which gets tracked and monitored gets changed, but then when we get, and those are things that we can see, you can see my body fat, and my waist, and my muscles, and my fitness, and I can show it to you, and I can be prideful and boastful, but anyway, you can see it, you can see my bank account, you can see those things that I put into work, you can see the cars I drive, and the watches I wear, whatever, But then we get to faith and family.

And while a lot of the men, and I'm going a little tangent here, would say that my stack is faith is number one, and then family, and then fitness, and then finance, of course, you know. Money is not my driving factor. I'm going to say, bullshit. [00:22:00] Because I'm going to say your reality is flip that upside down.

You spend more time at work trying to make money. You spend more time trying to buy things to impress people. Then your secondary thing is you spend more time in the gym, trying to get to a certain level of fitness, then you put into the effort you put into faith or family. And if you're asking yourself if that's not a reality, I'm going to say pull out your workout program right now.

Now, pull up next to that your faith program. And if you say, well, I go to church on Sunday. Cool. Well, let's say I worked out one hour a week. What results would I get? If I went to the gym one hour a week, what would my results be? One hour a week results. So, but I go to one hour a week in church, and I should have this, like, faith mastery.

Like, that's not how it works. So anyway, all big diatribe to get back to the targeting that I told you to draw. The X is you, that first inner circle that you draw is your number one. So in a family unit, you have [00:23:00] one person that is your absolute number one. For some of you, it's your mother. For some of you, it's your father.

For some of you, most of us at this age, it's our spouse. It's our husband. It's our wife. It's our fiancé, it's our boyfriend, it's our girlfriend, but there's one person, and for some of us that have no family and have no, you know, relationships with, uh, you know, a significant other, it's your best friend.

It's your team captain, it's your coach. Somewhere in your world, there's somebody that you put as your number one. And I would say that in the framework of building family strength, you have to fix you first, which is the X. Right? Then you have to go into and build a plan of how am I going to ensure that they're that my Relationship with my number one looks like this Versus looks like this, right?

If I show up and they show up and we coexist a little bit of pressure comes easy to shear and break that off [00:24:00] If I show up and they show up and we say hey, let's work on this today. Let's talk about this tomorrow Let's have this conversation. Let's have this experience. Let's make this happen You Then when the storm comes, when bad things happen, dude, we're a lot harder to separate.

We can withstand, we're resilient. But listen, you don't wait until your teeth are busted before you brush them. Don't wait until your family's broken before you try and fix it. You see what I mean? It doesn't make sense. You don't wait until you need to use a Herculean effort to pull your car out of the mud to get, get you out of a storm and say, Hey, I'm gonna start working out now so I can be strong for that moment.

You have to, you have to be in front of it. So plan number one is you, and plan number two is your one on one person. Plan number three now goes to what we call your immediate family. And the immediate family would be that next ring, that's your nine ring. Still really close to the bullseye, still most important, still one concentric ring outside of your one on one.

For me, that would be my kids. For me, that would be my mother. My father passed away a long time ago. For me, that would be our brothers and [00:25:00] sisters. Well, my brothers. And as such, what's my plan for them? Right? And then if I were to go outside of that and I get into maybe that, that 8 ring, that 7 ring, and as it keeps going, I get into friends, I get into acquaintances, I get into old college roommates, I get into people that are just in my environment, right?

But the prioritization is you, and that's not an ego thing, and you don't take the time to fix you first. You are of no true value. You're just bringing your toxicity and your BS. into their worlds and you're making it their problem. You fix you, then you fix your one on one, then you fix your immediate family, then you start going out to friends, etc.

Well, and you can't, you cannot fix somebody else. And when you fix you, then, then when, when you say you fix your one on one, the reason you fix your one on one is because You bur the part you bring to that relationship is fixed because it is you that you're bringing into it that begins to resolve it.[00:26:00]

Absolutely, and that's what we said at the beginning is it is your responsibility as a leader to make it work. Which doesn't mean you're gonna go fix your wife. If I told my wife I was gonna fix her, Like it was like 0. 0. Like if every guy on here is nodding. Yeah, dude, seriously. I'll be like, hey man, take this home from your podcast.

I got it on this podcast called The World Needs Men and check it out. I'm going to fix you and then call us and let us know how that sentence works out for you. Listen, I'll tell you the secret sauce to this whole thing. I'll tell you that. I'll tell, I'm going to go to the bottom line here on this, Franklin, empathy.

Put yourself in their shoes and ask them to walk you through things. If you want to know, this is going to be a hard truth. This is a very hard exercise that most of you guys are not going to do. Sit with your wife and say, if we reverse roles. And you were me, you were the husband, the patriarch, the leader.[00:27:00]

What would you do different? Experientially, romantically, conversationally, potentially, whatever it is. Like, what are three things I need you to pick, come up with three things. And if you do the, Oh, I love you so much, everything you do is perfect. Then you guys aren't in a relationship or you're having honest conversations.

Listen, as a leader, here's how you guys should run your lives. When you come up with a plan, by the time you present it, you already think it's brilliant, or you wouldn't present it. Present the plan with the intention of people that you love and trust to say, Hey, pick this apart, break it down, and show me where we can make it better.

And if you take that mentality into your relationship and with your wife and say, Hey, I want to become a better husband. I want to become a better partner. So we're going to play this game where you jump into my skin and say, If you got to be me for the next six months, what do you do different? And you have to come up with three things.

Because they're not going to want to tell [00:28:00] you, they're not going to want to tell you, but when you say you have to come up with three things, it's going to start the conversation. But don't be, don't be mad when you hear the answers. Now, if you really want to shock yourself, do it with your kids. Josh, Derek, an important part of like getting through this and kind of why you say a lot of people won't do this.

I think so many people are, are people pleasers in a way. And if you're a people pleaser, generally like conflict is a space that you're uncomfortable in. And people pleasing is not a bad thing because we live in a social world. If you do business, like the desire to want to be liked and appreciated is a tool and it's a, it's a value add, but it can go into dysfunction and especially in a family relation, even business relationships, when, when somebody has the avoidance of conflict and to have a conversation, sometimes you have to create those micro [00:29:00] fractures.

like you talked about. You have to destabilize the system a little bit to grow it back. You have to be willing to hear the feedback, like, I might not do, be doing something the best, my partner may have a better idea, and I need to humbly offer her the space or him the space to say that without getting defensive and, and avoiding the situation.

So I, I think that's just an important part is realizing that like, small little conflicts, small little destabilizations When you address them over time, you don't let them fester and grow, become malignant, to be a systemic issue. As you repair those, just like a muscle when you go to the gym and tear it, it builds the unit back stronger.

You come together more. You build more mutual blocks and trust together to have a better relationship in its entirety. I totally agree. Like, if you don't battle test it, litmus test it, [00:30:00] Boy, is he tested, whatever you want to call it, you don't know, right? So like your relationship is only as strong as what you built it into.

And if you don't know where that's in, I'm going to say, go test it. Right. So to what Josh was saying, if you were to go say, I want to get stronger in the gym, I want a better bench press. We're going to give you a workout to go break your muscles down intentionally so you can build it back. If I said I want you to deep clean your kitchen, you may walk in and say it's very stringed.

What happens when you deep clean it? It gets way worse, but then it comes back way better. Your muscles go to the gym. They feel great. You break them down. They'd have to regrow. They come back stronger. You can microfracture your relationships for the sake of making them stronger by having those types of conversations and questions.

If you were me, how would you do it different? Oh, it's a little painful. Oh, I would actually be nice to you more often. I'd do more romantic things. I do selfless acts. Oh, I'm right. Things you don't want to hear, [00:31:00] but by hearing that and overcoming that, it avoids the malignancy of it becoming a long term tumor.

Here's a good example, Derek, of something like this that I did. I, I asked my partner like, Hey, what is something I can do that makes me more attractive to you? And I sat there. I actually heard the answer to that question. That's a really powerful tool to ask your partner. There's a little stuff that's a micro fracture.

And then she did this, I asked the same of her, she did the same of me. And then coming together from that is a really beautiful thing. But that was an uncomfortable conversation. But who wouldn't want to be more attractive to their partner? Franklin, like, have you heard of somebody asking their partner, like, hey, how can I be more attractive to you?

This, just something like that is a small example. I think it's beautiful. I love this idea of micro fractures, cause, and the, the Jim analogy is so [00:32:00] easy for us to wrap our mind around, and to take it to extremes, you know, we don't want our, our relationships to be severed, right? But sometimes it's like we don't go through those micro fractures.

And then something big happens and there's no strength built to withstand, you know, whatever it is that comes up. But if you took bench press, like you're going to microfracture over time, you're not trying to rip your muscle into, right? But if you try to bench 300 pounds and you haven't done anything before, well, it's, that's what's going to happen.

And so I think for men to be able to take this in and, and to me, the microfracture is not the answer you get back, but the fact that you're willing to open up space. and ask that question to begin with. That's where the actual tear comes. And then the, the response is where you heal that thing or bring it back together.

So just having the courage to step in and ask some vulnerable questions in a, in a humble way and really receive it with curiosity. [00:33:00] and then just go do it. That starts building a stronger relationship. It absolutely does. And it's, we don't want to do it because our ego gets in the way, and we don't want to hear that there's problems because we're trying to set up an infallible kingdom.

But how do you deep clean your own relationship if you don't open up the cupboards and sweep it out? Right? So it is hard to ask those questions, but it is, in my opinion, essential. And I've been the CEO of mental health hospitals. I've been the CEO. of Substance Abuse Hospitals, and I will tell you that on the mood and trauma track, which is where a lot of behavioral health, depression, anxiety, emotional, damage, PTSD, where a lot of this comes from, is we don't give ourselves the opportunity to clean things out, right?

We bottle up, bottle up, bottle up, and then the pressure gets so much so we start using substance to, to push it down further and to blanket it, whatever. And what [00:34:00] Josh said earlier, when you do that over a long period of time, you get those extreme examples like I'm talking about, like having to go into rehab.

That would be synonymous with saying, I'm not going to brush my teeth because they don't hurt today. And now you're just waiting for a cavity, you're waiting, and then, oh, it's a little bit of pain, but I can, I'm just going to numb it with some aspirin. Okay, now you're at a root canal. Now you're at a tooth extraction.

Now you're a maxiofacial surgeon. Whereas if you just brush the teeth when they were clean, like, we avoid all of this. So if you're sitting here and you're like, I don't need to do this, because me and my wife and my kids are solid. We're good. We're good, bro. Let me tell you this. That's bullshit. That's your ego.

That's you not wanting to do it. And I promise you if I went and had a conversation with your kids and asked them that, and after I got past the surface level, there's going to be some things. Doesn't mean that there's like massive baggage and skeletons. No, no. But if you somehow think [00:35:00] that 100 percent of 100 percent of everything that you do is is exactly what your loved one and your spouse or your kids want and is exactly the action that they want you to take and there's not a millimeter of change, I'm gonna say you're in a Disney movie.

Doesn't feel real to me. Been around for a long time, doctored for a long time, ran hospitals for a long time, saw a lot of patients for a long time, coached for a long time, and I would say, if you're that person, you should write a book. Literally. You should stop what you're doing and go write a book on how to be 100%, 100 percent of the time with zero pain.

Floss, because you're the flawless diet. So, circling back around again, we've covered a lot of areas that we didn't intend to cover as we started off on this. And I know we're going to try to compress this show down Josh starts talking, man. He just takes us off track all the time, frankly. Like, you and I, we say right down the middle, and Josh is like, let's go to left field.

Unbelievable. So, how would a, how would someone set a [00:36:00] goal for their family, and how would you And then how would they predictively and measure the, the progress towards achieving that goal when it's not something like hitting a financial target or benching a certain amount of weight in the gym? So it all starts with gap analysis.

Gap analysis is, is the assessment that you take when you go to the doctor's office. Hey, how do you feel today versus how do you want to feel? You show up because you're feeling a way you don't want to feel whether it's pain or sickness or whatever. When you hire a personal trainer and I want to lose weight.

Hey, today I weigh this. I want to weigh that. The difference, the gap is the distance between those two points. You can take assessments. We have assessments at Club Facts. You need to probably go online and find assessments. You can get with coaches and find assessments, etc. But you should assess where your actual starting point is.

Because there's only two points you need, and it is as simple as possible. Like if you use Google Maps and you're trying to go from A to B, Google Maps is like, I need two points. Where are you? Where are [00:37:00] you trying to go? So if you can do a deep dive artist analysis of where you are, and then on the sheet of paper next to it, a deep dive analysis of where you want to go, if those things don't lay over the top of each other, Then you have a distance.

Some of us have a tiny distance. Some of us have a massive distance. And what you can do, frankly, is you can do the analysis of self, do the analysis of like, how am I with my number one, right? With my 10 ring. Do an analysis of how am I with my wife, with my kids, and my family, my immediate family ring. And hey, listen, if you're good in a prioritization, if you're good, and if you're one on one's good, move on to the kids.

But until number one is good, or until you're good, until the number one on one's good, don't try and rush it forward. Or else you become this. My wife and I are not on the same page, and we're both trying to co parent the kids. And like, they start dad, they start parent splitting. Dad says this, Mom says this.

Different sheets of music don't work well. [00:38:00] So, that's how I would do it. I'd do an analysis of all of them, start with myself, go to my number one, and then extend out and just keep extending out from there and keep putting in the time. So you discover the gap and you see kind of where you are as it relates to where you ultimately want to be, and then you start to define, okay, what is that That vision or the outcome you want that is not your reality today.

Exactly. And then you kind of reverse engineer, well, what's it going to take for me to travel from my current position where I am in my relationships to this desired future and, and, uh, I guess future self. And then you start breaking down 1 percent actions. So this is, and it's a, it's an interesting concept is something that, uh, recently put pen to paper.

And, um, you know, we have it at club faction at our stadium is [00:39:00] early. We talked about a workout program, weightlifting program. If you want to get in shape, follow this Monday. I do this Tuesdays, those Wednesdays back Thursdays, legs, whatever. And then I said, pull out your family program, and everybody went blank stare.

And they realized that they're showing up and they're trying to be present and all the things that we hear, but imagine if your gym program was show up and be present and figure out when you got there. It'd be hard to say that you're going to make trackable progress, right? So we created all of the programs.

A program for your one on one, a program for your immediate, a program for your ancillary, for your outer rigs. And every day it has 15 minutes of actionable material for you to do. Just like if you were to the gym, you have actionable material of things to lift, right? You don't go to the gym and sit there and just ponder theory.

I wonder what squats would be like and the benefits I would get. Okay, I pondered it. I'm going home. I did my leg workout. No, you didn't. You thought about it, right? It's like saying, I wonder how [00:40:00] my wife will feel about this. Okay, you're pondering. Go ask her if that's the action. Go put intention to it. Go do those things.

If you don't know what that looks like, call me, call Josh, whatever, call, call Franklin. I'll lead you to what a program looks like. It doesn't have to be my program. I'm saying, if you had to put all of your chips, two identical twins, one follows a workout program and a written diet. The other one says, I'll figure it out as I go and I'll try and eat good.

All of their chips, who are you putting them on? It's obvious. So then if I say, one guy follows a family program and the other guy just kind of shows up and, and wings it. And not to downgrade that side of it, why would you not give the same answer? Because it's not normal for us to have a program with something etherical like faith and family.

And I'm saying, why not? Why would you not have that? And thus I created it, and thus we have had many, many, many, many, many, many people [00:41:00] on it, and we're seeing massive, predictable progress. Josh, I want to say like our progress is like 22. 4 percent on their aggregate or something ridiculous like that over 90 days.

Listen, there's no magic button, guys, and if anything, your podcast does a great job of diving into hot topics. If there was a magic button, you'd be able to do one podcast and you're like, here's the 10 answers you need. Okay, you're welcome. And thank you. Goodbye. But yeah, the reality is, to work, change needs work and change.

If it's comfortable, get out of comfort. If it doesn't challenge you, it won't change you. If you want change, you have to challenge. You want challenge, you have to become uncomfortable. So I'm going to tell you if you're like, man, this is uncomfortable. Good. You're changing. You already going to the gym is when your muscles are burning and you keep going so that you can get that uncomfortable feelings.

You can break down that muscle. So it comes back. That's the change. If you go to the gym and you're like, man, I did four sets of 10, I did all 10 reps, felt like a million bucks. Wasn't even a [00:42:00] struggle. No problem. Guess what? Your body's like, we don't need to get stronger because we're already that strong.

Listen, if you can lift a hundred pounds and you walk into the gym and lift a hundred pounds, And you go home, you know what your body does? It goes, we don't even do shit. We're perfect. We can already do what they're asking me to do. But if you can lift 100 pounds, and I go in and try to build into a program where I lift 110 pounds, my body's like, we're not ready for that.

We need to build back stronger. And that's growth. Now I ask you, what are you doing with your functional faith, and what are you doing with your functional family to make them, and to make this a tool that you constantly put the same effort and strength into that you do. Are you trying to stack money in chips and impress your neighbors?

And wear a tight t shirt to show off your beefy biceps. Now listen, if there was a hair workout, Franklin, you win. And I would actually give up family and say to have hair like that. No, I'm just kidding. You understand what I'm talking about. Like nothing, nothing, [00:43:00] no change comes from a lack of discomfort.

No meaningful long term does. So yeah, we're on the rules. Be uncomfortable. You know, there's a couple of things I thought of early on in the show too, that I wanted to just throw out there. Number one, it's funny how, you know, it's like, Oh, what are your top two? Oh, it's faith of the family. And then you say, well, show me your calendar, show me like the plan.

And it's like, Oh, those things are pretty lacking compared to the finance and the, and the fitness side. So there's one from, I think for men to, to realize like disengage, like the guilt factor that has you putting those two up top, like, and just realize like there's a guilt part of it. Like we know inherently that we should do that or have those be our priorities.

But I think it's because we can't measure it, because we lack control in it, and by and large, we get a lot more validation in the workplace and in the gym than we do it, like, a lot of times, like, in our faith. Like, you don't get a whole lot of validation when you go to [00:44:00] church. A lot of times you might feel guilty.

Right? Not like, you're doing a great job, and then if you're not, uh, doing a great job at home, you don't get the validation there either. So, so to realize that, like, a lot of this is, is there in the background, and creating the reality that you have, but, but it's not necessarily your fault, but it is your responsibility.

to realize that you can put a program into place and you can make some moves. You just got to kind of set that guilt part aside and realize why you've navigated or gravitated towards the fitness and the finance. It's because it's a lot easier to win there. And it can be a lot harder to win in your faith and your family.

But the faith in the family also can have outsized rewards if you will do the work. Yep. Great summation. Nailed it. What do we want to That's what he would have said, but he doesn't. He's limited to 87 words, and I think he's close to his cap, so he has [00:45:00] to just sit there silent. Well, as we, uh, as we wrap this one up, you know, we got a, uh, a hard stop here in just a minute.

Any final, uh, closing thoughts, uh, either you want to share before we, uh, wrap up for today? Yeah, I'll do a very easy one. Go back and re listen to this podcast. All of my words don't need to land, all of Josh's words or Franklin's words don't need to land, but something does. If your family, your number one, is the most important thing to you, then do you give it the same effort that you give your work, your money, and your physical fitness?

And if you don't see an alignment between the two, then change it. There's a million ways to do it. I just, I offered one out of a thousand. If you need help with it, you know where to find us. Love to have the conversation. I think my DiPriori words would be finding comfort in the discomfort of these microfractures we've talked about, like [00:46:00] reframing, maybe things that you did not previously perceive as a benefit and start to see them as a benefit.

Like we talk about, like, don't see your diet as a burden. Don't see these microfractures and family as a burden, as something bad. Reframe them to something necessary for growth and to make the best possible family unit that you can have. Great point. Well, gentlemen, that was a great show. Great topic and some really good, uh, just perspective feedback and, and strategies for, I think, how more men could win in their, uh, in their families.

I appreciate y'all's time very much. Look forward to the next two episodes. We are going to hit fitness on the next one and then finance is going to wrap up. Uh, for the fourth and on the fitness side, we're going to dive into both the physical and mental side of, uh, of fitness. Gentlemen, thank you. And, uh, that wraps us up for today.

Thanks. Right. Appreciate it.[00:47:00]

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