54. Be the Standard with Denny Giamazzo
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[00:00:00] Right now, the world needs great men who will stand up and lead with honor, serve with purpose, and courageously fulfill their God given roles as husbands, fathers, leaders, and men. I'm your host, Franklin Swan, bringing you practical tools and powerful conversations you can use every day to build yourself into the man God is calling you to be.

This is The World Needs Men. Let's go.

All right. Welcome back to the World Needs Men podcast. I'm your host, Franklin Swan, here today with my guest, Danny Paul. He is the founder and the host of Be The Standard podcast. He's a Army veteran. Thank you very much for your service. Uh, saw a tour in Afghanistan, saw combat there and is in the IT space [00:01:00] up in the Northeast.

And joins me today to, uh, just talk about all things men having standards. Uh, Danny, thank you so much for coming on and, uh, I really appreciate it, man. Yeah, man, I appreciate you having me on. Uh, we had to reschedule a few times to make it happen, but we're here. So, uh, excited to, to join you. And I'm excited to, to talk a little bit more about your mission, because like you said, uh, before we kick things off, I think a lot of the things that we're looking to accomplish are very much aligned, so.

Absolutely. Awesome to be here. Yeah, and I, you know, from, from day one when I saw the name of y'all's podcast and just kind of what y'all are about, Be The Standard, that, that says it all, but it also is, like, you can just go so deep in so many areas on that, and I think that's just a very clear message that the world, especially men, need nowadays.

We, we need standards. We need to raise our standards, and if you look around, There's, there's just a lot of low standards and those are causing a lot of problems. And so this, this is going to be a fun conversation. Start off, just, you know, share a little bit about your background and, uh, [00:02:00] your story if you don't mind.

Yeah, so a little bit about me. I'm from Worcester, Massachusetts, about, 35, 40 minutes west or so of Boston. Grew up, uh, you know, into some pretty difficult circumstances. I grew up in and out of foster care. Uh, lost my mother to AIDS when I was about 10. Uh, never met my biological father. You know, joined the army a few years after high school.

I did go to college first, um, couldn't afford to go to college anymore. So I dropped out, uh, figured I'd take a year off, right? A lot of people take that year off. And within that year, I got recruited by the army and went in and, uh, did about seven years, uh, one tour to Afghanistan. I was supposed to do a tour to Iraq as well, but, uh, I ended up having a, a trach and a pretty serious surgery that was life, life threatening.

So I missed the Iraq deployment, but I should have had two, but I have one deployment to Afghanistan. Very proud of that, proud of my service. And after getting out of the army, shortly after I, I got into the IT space. I've worked for, kind [00:03:00] of built my career really off of some large companies like Oracle, Workday.

Uh, I've worked with some smaller IT firms as well, uh, in the consulting space. So yeah, man, that's a little bit about my story, where I'm at now. I started the podcast. So the idea of a podcast came up about a year ago for, I wanted to, basically, I wanted to share my story, right? I was, I was starting to write a book.

I was starting to, you know, really wanted to put my story out there and see how many people I could touch with it. My goal through this entire thing has not been monetary. It's been about, you know, how can I help others? How can I. You know, let people understand that, you know, your past isn't an excuse for your, your current failures.

And I really run with that and, you know, I started the podcast, I aired my first episode on February 6th and, you know, the, the network that I've been able to build and the circles now that I find myself in are just absolutely amazing in such a short, uh, period of time. You know, I'm doing great things right now with some amazing people.

I don't know if you're familiar with Nick [00:04:00] Lavery. I've not met him. Are you familiar with who he is or? I don't think so. Okay. Yeah. I mean, if you check him out, he's, he's a pretty big name in our space as far as speaking, he's got a great book called, uh, Objective Secure, but I'm working with him on his team as a subject matter expert in the area of leadership and his online coaching program.

And then I also joined his team as an engagement speaker as well. So I'm doing a lot of speaking lately about, you know, sharing my story and sharing that message that I talked about earlier about your past, not allowing that to dictate, you know, your future circumstances and what you're able to accomplish.

So, yeah, I mean, I know I rambled a lot off there, but that's kind of, you know, my story, my background and really what drives me. That's great. I appreciate that perspective. So I want to dig in. You mentioned it a couple times, your past doesn't define your future. I'm assuming that there's something like personal that, that ties you to that statement and, and would love to start by digging in right there.

Yeah, I think I know, I know a lot of people and I've grown up around a lot of people who, [00:05:00] You know, who have also gone through difficult things and hard things, and I think that they've used it kind of as an excuse or a crutch, you know, to kind of not be successful or feel sorry for themselves and, you know, kind of gives them an excuse to be where they are in their life.

And, you know, I've always rejected that mentality, even, even as a young kid, I can remember just thinking to myself that, you know, you know, I need to be different than the members of my family. I need to be different than my mother who did drugs, my uncle who did drugs, you know, my grandfather was an alcoholic, you know, I needed to be better than my father who, you know, probably doesn't know I exist, but, you know, given my mother's, you know, actions at the time and how she conducted herself, I can't imagine he's the best guy, if he's alive at all.

So, I've just always told myself even as a young kid that, you know, I need to be better, and I will be. And so I always had higher standards, higher expectations of myself, and I've always taken it very personally to hold myself to a [00:06:00] high standard, and, you know, just want more out of life, and I knew that the only way to get that was to understand that, you know, yes, these things happen, it's unfortunate, but, you You know, you can either be a victim to it and make excuses or you can, you know, push through that pain and turn it into purpose and, you know, give yourself more than what you had.

What do you think it was that kind of ingrained that in you early on? Was there anything specific that kind of gave you that mindset and that perspective? Because that's, that's a very mature perspective to have at that age and a very, very responsible perspective as well. Yeah, it's going to sound, I talk about it a lot.

I talk about it in my speeches and things like that, but. You know, somebody who was very influential in me from a mindset perspective was, was Michael Jordan. Watching his post game interviews about never quitting, never giving up, you know, understanding that, you know, it takes hard work to accomplish the things that you want to accomplish.

You know, as he always used the word [00:07:00] greatness, right? I still don't, you know, I don't feel like I've done anything great, really. But I do feel like I've done some pretty good things. And, you know, considering how, you know, my background looks and, and how I grew up. You know, it was a lot of, like, just seeking out a lot of his interviews and watching as much as I possibly could on him, his documentaries, everything.

I just really admired the way he was, and it wasn't, Of course, I was a basketball fan. Of course, I love the way he played the game, but it was really just his mentality and, and his approach at life is, is really what had a great impact on me. Whether it's a physical mentor or someone that you can look to, like a Michael Jordan, that's just such an important thing for young men, young ladies, like to have in life and to be able to look to and to give you those, those right mindsets so that you can, you know, You know, pull yourself out of the space that you were in, because you certainly, if you wanted to have, latch on to an excuse for, [00:08:00] for any behavior that you, or any path you wanted to go down, you certainly would have had it.

Sure, and, you know, there were times as a kid, you know, a young kid where I'd feel sorry for myself, and be like, wait, why, how come my friends have a dad and I don't have a dad, and, you know, all of these things, so. I would do that as a kid, but I did get to a point finally where it was like, you know, enough's enough, like, you don't, it's not gonna change anything, you can't You know, you can't pull something positive or something, you're going to have to pull something positive out of this negative situation or you're just going to be stuck.

And I kind of do give myself a little bit of credit for thinking that maturely at such a young age because I do, because it's true. That's just how I thought that was the mentality that I had about just my circumstances and just knowing that like, to bitch and moan is not going to get me anywhere. Like, I still am going to have to grow up.

I'm going to have to have a job someday, a family someday. You know, and if I want these things to go the way I want them to go, then I'm going to need [00:09:00] to change some things. And look, I'm human like everybody else. I've made more than my fair share of mistakes along the way, you know. But I always learn from them and I always, you know, do my best to never repeat them.

And that mentality of just, you know, understanding that, you know, your mistakes don't define you and they're not a life sentence and you can be better. Those are the things that drive you forward. So, how old were you when you joined the Army? I was 23. 23. So, we'd love to hear kind of how that experience kind of took you and, and kind of kept you going down the right path.

And, and I'm sure has a lot to do with, with be the standard. just as a concept on top of that. So we'd love to kind of hear that part of your story. Yeah. So again, I was, I took a year off from college and I was going to, you know, hopefully go back and finish my fourth year after that, but I ended up getting recruited to go into the military and I had always wondered if I could do it, if it was for me, and so I finally just took the, took the jump and went into the military and.[00:10:00]

You know, a lot of it, you know, when I first joined, I, I, I wasn't a fan. I was a fan after basic training. I was all hyped up when I got to my unit. I wasn't much of a fan because I had, in my opinion, what was poor leadership. I didn't like going and doing the job and working for these individuals. I thought they were poor leaders.

I didn't think they really cared about the development of soldiers. So. You know, I just wasn't into it. And then, then I met my best friend, Mike, who's who's now my best friend. He's my cohost on the podcast. I got assigned to his squad and it changed my entire perspective on the military. It changed my entire perspective on, you know, what was expected of me and what I needed to project on a daily basis to progress my career and.

I've started to take it a lot more seriously and I have Mike to thank for that because I was under his leadership for about a year. I was promoted to sergeant and then I think six months or so after that is when we deployed to Afghanistan. I was working directly for Mike as a team leader overseas. in stressful [00:11:00] combat situations.

And Mike really taught me what it means to be a good leader. And, you know, that really shaped a lot for me just in who I was as a man and the values that were instilled in me. It really did just have just a profound effect on me. And then just being on the deployment in Afghanistan provided a lot of perspective as well.

Just seeing how, you know, other people in the world have to live. And, you know, that was, that was pretty. touching for me, you know, in a good and bad ways, you know, and then also we got to work with some incredible people while we were there. Our commander and senior enlisted were SEALs. So we worked with some guys from SEAL Team 8, uh, which, you know, again, just, it's just a whole level, whole other level of experience that was brought to us.

You know, I just learned so much during that deployment, I really think it shaped me in so many ways personally, even more so than professionally, because I got out shortly after. But, you know, just as a man, I think I learned a lot of great core values [00:12:00] from the guys that I was with, especially Mike. And now Mike's my best friend and, you know, we continue to just be there for each other years later.

Do you feel like him and the leadership that you learned from him, was that more just, was it over like him actually teaching you, or is it just how he was and how he conducted himself and how he just embodied the responsibility of a leader. Well, yeah, it was, it was a lot of that. It was his command presence.

It was the way he really set the standard for us and set the example. And, you know, he actually came up with the name of the podcast, Be The Standard. And really, that's what he was as a leader. He was the standard. And, you know, because of him, I, he, I think he turned me into a pretty good leader. And we had a lot of success together as a team.

And yeah, but it was just so much about how he carried himself. And he was very like, he owned everything. If our team didn't perform, it was on him. And if we did well, it was on us. He never took credit. He never cared about that. And, you know, I think that's [00:13:00] ownership is the most key component of being a leader in any space.

Whether that's business, whether that's, you know, the military or, you know, it really doesn't matter. But that's the most basic key component of leadership to being successful is owning it all. And that's just something that he did so incredibly well. It's a great military example, but man, does that translate as just a, such an important principle for, for men, whether you're a husband, father, like the standard that you set in your home, like that, that's it.

Like your family will fall in line based on the standard. You were with the first, your first unit where you, you didn't think that the leadership was that great. And that created a result within that unit. I'm sure if you look around, just kind of at the, at the average of everyone there, Like the ripple effect of that.

And then you join this other unit with Mike, who's setting a good standard as a leader. And then that inspires you to grow as a leader. And I'm sure it inspired a lot of other men and women in that unit to grow. And, uh, like [00:14:00] that's, that's at the heart of like the message I hope, you know, I want to pull out of this whole conversation today is just for men to have A profound awareness of the importance of having and setting standards, because it's how we lead.

Like, like your standards dictate like what happens inside your company, inside your family, inside your marriage, inside your relationship with your kids, and it impacts every area of life. Yeah, absolutely. And one of the best things you can do as a leader, and the most essential things that you can do as a leader is get The people around you bought into the mission, right?

And that doesn't, again, that's not just military. And that is within the family, getting the people in your family, like your wife, your kids, all on the same page as to, you know, what a happy and healthy family looks like. And your kids are certainly looking to you to do that. You know, your wife may be looking to you to do that as well, to lead that, to lead the family.

And, you know, you have to be that example of, you know, what that looks like. You know, if you have a daughter, what does it look like to [00:15:00] have, You know, what's it look like when a man treats a woman the proper way, you know? What does it look like when, you know, your son, you know, does he know how to treat a woman the proper way and protect and provide and, you know, all of these things that, you know, really do fall on the man and the leader of the household, in my opinion.

It's not just you telling them those things, it's you living that stand. Exactly. Being is an action, it's a way of living to a standard, not just, hey kids, hey, you know, team, hey whoever, like this is what you should do. And that's not leadership if you're not doing it yourself. Oh, absolutely. I mean, you, you can tell your daughter, like, hey, this is, this is what you should expect of, you know, the man who's going to marry you and take care of you, all of these things.

But if he sees, if she sees you treating your, her mom like shit, then. You know, that's, that's what she's going to really learn. She's not going to learn your words. She's going to learn what she sees. So that, that, that's, that's [00:16:00] spot on what you just, what you just said there for sure. I love you said that my daughter actually just walked into my office and so she's sitting here out of the, out of the camera.

Can she hear? No. Okay. Okay. I just want to make sure I keep my language in check. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, I got headphones on so she can't hear right now, but she's just watching me do this, which is pretty funny, man. So. Let's get a little practical. So when you're, you're coaching people on, on this whole idea of having standards, which a part of that is raising your standard, you know, and actually recognizing like you should have standards, where, where can a man, if he's listening to this today, and he maybe not have, he might not have thought of this lately, like, where would you have a man start down this path?

Well, the first thing is setting standards for yourself, right? You need to decide for yourself. In your own actions, what's acceptable and what's not acceptable, right? What are the things that you're doing in your everyday life that you know are BS, that you shouldn't be [00:17:00] doing them? And what are the actions and behaviors that you need to change, right?

So what's acceptable, what's not acceptable? And then next we go to creating habits. What are the things that you're actually gonna do to make these positive changes and, and, you know, develop these attributes that you want in yourself and these characteristics that you want in yourself? So, uh, You know, what's the work you're going to do, essentially?

And then we go right to execution. Keeping the promises that you made to yourself and actually executing on those habits and doing the things you said you were going to do. And then our last four, last, last principle, our fourth principle is accountability. You know, looking at yourself in the mirror every single day.

And, you know, did I do the things I said I was going to do? Did I get better today? Did I get worse today? And I always say that the answer to that question really doesn't matter. It's You know, you're allowed setbacks. You're not perfect. We're all human. We're all just fighting this fight and trying to be the best person we can be and I make sure that [00:18:00] I Share that in my speeches like look, you know I can talk about all these things like all of you and but I still need to give myself Reminders that I need to be doing these things as well because I'm not perfect and I don't care who you are Who you follow on Instagram if they're telling you they're perfect and they do all these things a hundred percent of the time I'm here to tell you they're full of shit.

I don't care who they are I don't care who it is you follow, how many hundreds of millions of dollars they have, whatever. If they tell you they're perfect all the time, they're fucking lying to you. Because nobody's capable of that. So, look in the mirror. Did you get better? Did you get worse? And the answer doesn't matter.

What's your plan of attack for tomorrow? To get back on track if you need to, or stay on track if you're on track? So those are the things that I, that I talk about on the podcast. Those are our four key principles. And I basically came up with that process after my divorce. Okay. Because I just became a guy that was unrecognizable to myself.

And when you say that, [00:19:00] is that before or after the divorce? After. Okay. So after the divorce, I was just like, I had to do that for myself, what the hell, like, what is going on, who am I? And it was, you know, I had to decide for myself what's acceptable, what's not acceptable. And the first thing I did was I set some hard standards for myself as to, you know, how I was going to conduct myself moving forward.

Then I put a plan into action of the things that I'm going to do every single day, right? To make sure that I'm on track to just becoming the man and being the man that I, that I know that I am, meant to So, that's why I love to say, like, I'm not perfect, but, man, I work my ass off to be a pretty good dude.

And I think that shows, and anybody who meets me, I think that resonates with them. Like, before you made that shift, after your divorce, did, did, Did you have [00:20:00] habits and standards in place you feel like before that, or was that a real wake up call for kind of what, what you had going on in life? Yeah, a little bit of both, right?

I think I was still really good in a lot of areas, but I, there were some areas where I needed some serious improvement, you know, like, like I needed to get, you know, my mental health under control. I needed to start talking to the right people and. Yeah, it was, it was tough. It was tough for about, you know, six months, eight months of, you know, I drank more than I usually do.

I'm not a big drinker now. I drank more than I should have. You know, I was just really leaning on that and dwelling on, you know, my failures as a husband and, you know, just putting a lot of pressure on myself because I do have those high expectations and those high standards. So when I, when I looked at my marriage finally as a failure, it was tough.

It was, it was really hard for me. And so I needed to just kind of take a step back, reset, [00:21:00] recalibrate, and really just put a plan in place to be You know, the guy that I want to be, and yeah, I'm very happy with who I am now. I'm unwavering in the things that are important to me, and the person that I want to be, and I don't let anything come before, you know, those things, so.

There's a, a question I love to ask myself on a regular basis, and if you journal this out and spend some time with it, it's pretty powerful. You just say, you know, what do you, what am I tolerating right now? Mm hmm. What am I tolerating in my relationships, in the way I act? Mm hmm. my habits around my fitness, how I lead in business, like you can apply that question to every single area of your life.

And it's usually pretty revealing because your heart will tell you very quickly what you are tolerating. But, you know, I think, you know, it's kind of a journey. Like there's not a point where you get to where you feel like, okay, I've got perfect standards now. It's just, Like, all [00:22:00] along the way, what are you tolerating, and is this thing serving you or not?

I know, I'm coming up, I'm a couple of days away from like 600 days since I've had any alcohol. And I had to, like, one day I just woke up, and I knew it, and I just realized, like, this thing doesn't serve me. And I'm tolerating it because it creates a lot of anxiety, and the after effect was bad, like, even from one or two drinks, like, I'd wake up the next day and just be a mess mentally.

And then my standard was have a drink or two, then my standard the next day was really poor mental health, and my standard beyond that was I'm not a great man to be around for my wife and kids, I'm not abusive or anything, I just was grumpy and irritable and check, you know, and distant and not connected, so all those things at that time were my standard, and I had to make a choice, like am I going to continue to tolerate this thing, or am I going to Am I going to choose something better for myself that ends up raising my standards across the board?

So it's a [00:23:00] very personal journey, I think, for everybody, but we all have those things that we are tolerating right now, and raising our standard is about just improving the habit or being willing to make the change. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, and, and, you know, I don't care who you are. I think at any given moment, you know, we all have our shit is what I say.

You know, you might cut out alcohol, you might cut back on alcohol so significantly like I have, or, you know, you might cut, you know, whatever out, but I think, you know, it, it often gets replaced with something else, you know, not always, but I think, like you said, that, that, that journey that we're all on is just, it's very personal.

And it doesn't matter who you are. You have your shit that nobody else knows about. You have, nobody's closet's clean. I don't care who you are. Right. And that's okay. Right? And that's okay. It's just being self aware of it. And it's being willing to put the work in to understand that, you know, perhaps I can be better, but that's where those recalibrations and reassessments come [00:24:00] in.

You know, that accountability factor, right? You know, you know, what's, what's what within yourself. Fulfilled. Whether or not you're being the man you need to be, the leader you need to be. And you know, you can have great weeks, months, but you know, we're all human. We have setbacks. And it's just, you know, I've always been good, at least over the last few years, I've been pretty good about recognizing those setbacks and being able to address them.

And, you know, I think that's the best we can hope for. Yeah, minimize them and hopefully those speed bumps get smaller and smaller every time. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, life's, life's, uh, life's a difficult sport to play, man. Uh, I don't care who you are, what point in the game you're in, life is hard. And you can go through, you know, everybody likes to call it seasons, right?

We can go through these seasons of, you know, life's great and you can have a good four or five years, but be ready. Like, something's coming to kick you in the ass. And something's coming to kick you down. You're gonna struggle with something, you're gonna experience loss, like, whatever it is. Something hard is going to hit [00:25:00] you, and nobody's exempt from that.

I don't care how much money you have, you know, fame, whatever. That heartbreak or pain in some, some form or another is coming. So, it's just, it's, you should be aware of that. And that's why it's so important to stay consistent with your habits, with your standards. Because when those hard times hit, you have a baseline, right, to work off of.

And you've already been putting in the work. You've already been trying to be a good person. You've already been trying to implement those habits, right? So, you know, that, that's why this coaching stuff is so, so important. When you're, when you're coaching with people, what is it do you think that's this like piece of us inside that just is so resistant to moving outside of where we are and, and being willing to, to adopt some better standards or some better just habits for ourselves?

Yeah, it, because it requires change. And what, what is change really? Like change is discomfort and We don't like discomfort, we run from it. We [00:26:00] run from the things that are hard. We run from the things that, you know, make us experience that discomfort. But, where you experience the most growth is getting comfortable being uncomfortable.

Yeah. Right? Uh, you're not gonna get better if you wanna, if you wanna get better, I mean, you're not gonna do it in a comfortable fashion. You have to experience, like, you don't have to experience this deep level of pain every single time it's time to get better. But Don't, don't think it's gonna be easy either.

It's gonna be dis uncomfortable or uncomfortable rather, and that's okay. You get, the more you embrace that, the, the more success you're gonna have and the more you're gonna, you know, really tap into that potential. And that change is just, we run from it. We like to stay in our little comfortable area or comfortable space, and that just creates stagnation.

I have found that if you can, if you can build into your routine certain things that are [00:27:00] challenging and maybe not necessarily painful, but just uncomfortable every day. If you can get yourself in the habit of stepping into that thing, it kind of builds this level of resilience or almost inoculates yourself to, to discomfort.

So that when. Other things come along that you need to step into that aren't comfortable, you've just kind of built a muscle that your brain's able to go, let's just go, because we know that we do, every single day we do something hard, we, we choose something that's difficult. Personally for me, I get in a cold plunge every morning, and when you do that when you first wake up every day, I love that.

Like, it just Everything else gets kind of easy once you've been in really cold water for a few minutes. Yeah, yeah, and, and, you know, it doesn't even have to be the hardest thing, right? It could just be something you don't want to do, like, for years, college, whatever, you name it, I never made my bed or anything like that.

Now, like, I make my bed. That's, that's my thing. I get up, I make my bed, and I truly believe that [00:28:00] that's a great start to a day, right? It's just getting up, something simple. It's a simple task. Uh, you know, General, or Admiral McRaven, I think one of them has talked about that in a speech at Texas, but, you know, something simple like that is just a basic task that, you know, you might want to do, or, you know, you're looking at a pile of dishes, maybe you don't want to wash them, like, you know.

Just do the things that you need to do, as opposed to the things that you want to do. And, you know, you're just going to see those things translate into other things, other aspects of your life. You know, and one of the things that I teach, that I, I talk about a lot in my speeches is delayed gratification.

Right? That is probably the most important, you know, concept that we can embrace is delayed gratification. You know, people start these, these nutrition plans, or diets, or workout plans, or coaching plans, and all these things. And they quit. Three weeks, four weeks, six weeks, two months, whatever. [00:29:00] And they're only quitting for one reason.

They're not getting the results that they want. They're not seeing the results. But a lot of the times, that could be because you're not really putting in the work. But regardless, you're not seeing the results, so you quit. You know, that delayed gratification is, is so important because once you do that, you've now embraced yourself, you've trusted in yourself, you've trusted in the process that you've created, and if you stick to it over time, I mean the results are going to be there waiting for you, but people don't want to do that.

They, like I said, they're going to run from the hard and people want their results immediately, right? And we live in that culture where You know, hard work is just put off to the side for the result and the quick, you know, how quickly can I get to the result that I want, right? You know, what's the process look like?

They're really embracing that process and falling in love with that process because that's where you get the growth. That's where you get better. You get better on that journey as opposed to Because once you get to the end result, you're like, Oh, this is it? Now what? [00:30:00] You know, if, if you're like me, you know, you get to a point where you're like, okay, well, that was cool.

I accomplished that, but what's next? Like, how can I even be even better than that? Yeah, you start competing with yourself and it's like, man, I did that. What else, what else is possible? Mm hmm, right. And that's, those are the people who I surround myself with. You know, I don't, I don't, You know, mediocrity isn't for me.

Complacency isn't for me. I want people that are around me that are just savages. They're out there trying to do good things. They're trying to help people. Yeah, and they all embrace delayed gratification and I think the best place to start is fitness. Right? I don't care who you are. If you do it the right way, you switch up your nutrition.

You switch up your workout plan and maybe stick to some kind of a program. 90 days, I mean, you're gonna look very different. You're gonna feel very different. You're gonna But you have to trust in that process. People quit on themselves way too fast [00:31:00] and all of that quitting and all of that success and embracing delayed gratification, all that stuff translates into the rest of your life.

That's going to change. That's going to make you a better employee. That's going to make you a better husband. It's going to make you a better friend, better athlete. If you start with fitness as the foundation of doing those things, I mean, you're going to have a great life. And at least from the perspective of your mentality and your drives, right, and your work ethic, I think all those things are going to improve drastically.

Yeah, there's probably not an area of life, or uh, an area that you could focus on. Out of all of them that would have a greater impact on your just overall well being in general than, than taking care of your physical health first. Like I had a, uh, a spine surgery over the summer and like sidelined me real bad.

Now I had a really deep level of fitness before, which That it's interesting, you know, you hear all this stuff like, oh, 21 days to build a habit or six, you know, whatever. [00:32:00] It's like, well, if you like, that just means you've started like, like it's almost like in 21 days, I should be seeing the result of this thing.

And that's just not true, right? And even my wife was like, God, how did you stay fit when you weren't able to work out the same way? And all I could do is walk every day. It's like, well, I had four kids. A 15 year base. Right. Right. And so, like, my body was just not, like, used to being in the shape that it's in, so.

It, like, it didn't go down that much, and it didn't take long for me to bounce back, so it's like what's true on the front end is what's true on the back end. Even though it may take you a long time to get where you want to be, once you get there, maintaining it is actually a lot easier. Yeah. And you lose it a lot slower versus if you just have a big spike in 30 days and just gain everything back or whatever, you know, in a very short period of time.

Oh, absolutely. You know, I started, I think I started working out at 18 in the gym. And, you know, when [00:33:00] I got back from Afghanistan, I was 20. And so I had been working out consistently hard for 10 years. I had a decent physique, right? And, uh, I got back from Afghanistan, struggled with PTSD and had two shoulder surgeries.

So I was drinking a lot. I had shoulder surgeries. And I didn't work out maybe for almost a year between the surgeries and the booze and just really having to get it together. But yeah, I didn't work out for almost a year, but I gained it back very quickly because I, like you said, I had that 10 year base of just working out and working out consistently.

And now, you know, I'm 42 years old. I've been working at almost 42 years old and I've been working out now for 24 years with that exception of that one year. And, you know, I have people all the time, man, like, dude, you look like you're 34, 35 and, you know. It feels great to hear that, but more importantly, it feels good to me to know that moving forward as I continue to get older, you know, having this extra muscle and having, [00:34:00] you know, this particular level of fitness is going to serve me well in my, my later years.

Oh, 100%. There's, there's, there's no better insurance policy than a gym membership that's used. Yeah, absolutely. You know, and people like, you know, they'll say, Oh, well, to get some programming and to get on a nutrition plan, all these things, they cost money. And it's like, of course it does. You don't work for free.

These people that are giving you these things shouldn't either. Of course, it's going to cost some money. But, you know, do you want to invest now in that? Or do you want to invest in, you know, doctor's appointments out and down the future? Because you have a bad heart or whatever the case is, you know. It's, it's priorities is more than, more than anything.

Yeah. It's like Netflix, pizza, and your doctor bill all cost money as well. And so which bill would you rather show up to the house? Yeah, exactly. I mean, you take my, you know, streaming services and add them all up. It's probably 130 a month. I don't even know. But you know, so when it comes time to, and I'm very [00:35:00] fortunate, like I have a buddy who does my programming, nutrition, I actually met him through the podcast and he's a great guy, so he does it for free.

Bye. You know, before that, you know, I had paid for it and I had no problem doing that. And that's what it should be. That's what it should be. Like you said, it's the best insurance policy. Well, and, and the thing too, that people don't realize is that the money, it's not, the money's really important because the money, it allows you to get some leverage on yourself where you're actually buying in.

If it was free, you're going to treat it like something was, which is free, which is very low value. Yeah. But the more you pay for something, the more you're going to get out of it. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you're, you're, you need to pay something because that's a part of the whole problem. Oh yeah, and I've heard people say, you know, I have to pay for gym membership and go there, or else I won't work out.

And it's like, if that's your excuse or your reasoning, like, good for you. Do whatever you need to do to hype yourself up and And go do what you have to do and keep yourself healthy and all that. So, [00:36:00] so I'd like to have a conversation around a concept with this whole idea of, of having standards, especially for men.

So, and that's, that's around respect. It's self respect and it's also what any married man, like what he deeply wants from his spouse is, is for her to respect him, you know? I mean, that's just something I think we want as men. As a plug for this and as a way of looking at setting standards, it's like, you know, if, if you are not a man who respects yourself through his actions and behaviors with, with having good habits, you really can't expect the level of respect from the people around you that you want to respect you to be there at the level you want.

And so some of this is like when you start prioritizing yourself and you get up on time and you get to the gym and you eat right and you start setting these higher standards, you begin to build a level [00:37:00] of self respect, I think, for yourself and seeing the value in yourself. And as you do that, your wife will look over at you and be like, wow.

I'm having, I have more respect for this guy because he's getting up instead of sleeping in. He's working out and he looks better versus sitting on the couch and, you know, doing whatever. Like, like you will begin to like get this other benefit from people, which is this respect we want when you do these things.

Priority for everybody, you know, because like you said, you can't, can't expect to be respected by others if you don't have that respect for yourself. And I think the greatest way of. You know, projecting that you respect yourself is your level of fitness. I mean, you know, people don't like to talk about it, but at the end of the day, you know, you meet somebody, the first thing you're looking at is what do they look like?

How do they present themselves? And I don't treat anybody any different regardless, but I can tell somebody's lazy or doesn't eat right or doesn't [00:38:00] have that level of respect for themselves and I'll be honest, more than anything, I get sad for that person, because I think we all deserve that, and it's, I, I think a lot of it is rooted in mental health, you know, I've, there have been times where I've been absolutely jacked, and I've lacked self respect for myself, where I wasn't, didn't really feel like I deserved good things in my life, and, you know, was really hard on myself for my mistakes, and, you know, things of that nature.

So I think that's a factor that, you know, maybe isn't talked about enough, is that, you know, how you, the love you have for yourself is sometimes rooted in, you know, these, these maybe childhood traumas, uh, like myself, or, you know, other traumas, like being in combat, or just, you know, you know, sometimes people just struggle and, and they lack the respect for themselves, but, so even on the surface, you know, I talked about the aesthetics, right?

Somebody can look great aesthetically [00:39:00] and still be struggling and lack that kind of respect for themselves. But I do think it's a requirement to build off of that in order to gain the respect for, from others. Because, you know, like I said, you can tell when somebody has respect for themselves and how they carry themselves or talk or But that's a requirement, for sure.

So, when you're working with someone and coaching them, so you get the physical stuff knocked out. One of the things I think that's interesting to me is having a standard around how do you talk to yourself? Oh, absolutely. Cause, you know, like you say, we can look like we have things together on the outside, and internally, mentally, we can just be, A mess and no one would know it.

And so, how would you coach someone to, to level up and, and raise the standard just around how they, they speak to themselves in their mind and how they talk to themselves? Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of that is, is gonna fall on [00:40:00] personal responsibility, but I would, you know, I, I, and I haven't coached on that aspect, but, you know, how you, self talk is so important.

I mean, we, I think we're just by nature, much harder on ourselves than we are on others, you know, I've had my best friend, Mike, had to, he's had to say to me several times, like, Danny, you're being a little tough on yourself. You know, if I did the same thing, what would your advice be? Yeah And I would, you know, rattle off like what I would say or whatever and he's like, so why don't you talk to yourself that way?

And it really is, I mean, so important because, you know, what you tell yourself, I mean, you're around yourself more than anybody else. So the thoughts that you're putting in your own mind and the things that you're telling yourself are going to be more greatly reflected in who you are as a person than the things coming from other people.

And I think it should be that way, especially if you are telling yourself positive things and your self talk is good. You know, I have to. Remind myself [00:41:00] even now that, you know, Denny, like, keep doing what you're doing. Like you're worthy of good things. Like don't let, don't let these things, you know, scare you.

Cause I used to be afraid. I mean, I, I had the marriage, I had the, you know, the huge house and all the toys and the fun and all that scared the shit out of me because, you know, that's not how I grew up. I never saw anything like that, but because of who I am, the mentality that I had, I was able to. You know, be successful financially and provide all of these things, but once I got all of these things that were very different from when, you know, how I grew up, it freaked me out.

I didn't feel like I deserved it because I had never really seen it before, right? And so now, you know, I, now I feel like I deserve the good things in life that come my way, right? And it's taken self talk to, to get [00:42:00] there. And, uh, More so than even talking to a therapist, which I do still. But yeah, I mean to your point I know that was a long winded answer and I apologize, but no, yeah, I think how you talk to yourself is that's paramount because you know You're listening to you yourself more than anyone's and you're with yourself more than anyone So yeah, that's my advice would be, you know, be kinder to yourself.

Be gentle on yourself. Hold yourself accountable Right? But, but be fair, be fair to yourself. I think, you know, I've experienced what I've, what I've, uh, had go on internally, mentally, I would never say to another human being, you know? Like, I've been pretty darn hard on myself over the years and, and it's like, well, I wouldn't talk to, like, my worst enemy probably the way I just talk to myself.

And so, It's pretty, you know, that, that was for me and, and my personal development, probably one of the biggest mountains I climbed that once I [00:43:00] did, like, created the most amount of positive result and impact, just in my ability to feel joy and, and enjoy the day and feel fulfillment and gratitude, like, just being able to get my self talk under control.

Where I wasn't just beating myself up mentally all the time. And that was really hard for me to overcome personally. But once I did, it's like I recognize now just how critical that piece was. And if I hadn't figured that out, I wouldn't be in nearly as good of a place as I am today. Yeah, yeah, it's, it's, I, and I feel the same.

I'm glad you shared that because I, I feel the same, right? Like I, I shared how I used to talk to myself terribly and I don't really do that anymore. I'm, I, I really feel like I'm deserving now of good things and you know, I, I don't know. It's just, but I, it's something that I haven't talked a lot about and I'm glad you brought it up.

Yeah. I appreciate you sharing. So as, as you're, you know, here a couple of months coming [00:44:00] up on a year of your podcast, like what, what are you looking for as you're in this space of coaching and, and just having this mission to help and serve, like what do you see for next year and, and what would be a win for you?

Yeah. So within the next year, my goal is to obviously just continue on with the podcast. I think your, our momentum just nine months in has been pretty good overall. Uh, we'll continue with that. I can, I plan to just continue to coach with the Forge and then speaking events. I want to do as many speaking events as I possibly can because every time I, you know, get off stage from speaking, I, the feedback's just incredible.

People love hearing. You know that they can be better people are very quick to open up about. Hey, man I had a victim mentality myself and I know I need to change that or you know one guy He lost his daughter a few months back to suicide and he heard my story and he was going [00:45:00] through a very rough time And, you know, he kind of just told me that he heard my story at the right time and my advice on how to get through it at the right time.

And that so far has been just the most touching one, but I mean, there's been several and the more speaking I can do, the more engagements I can do is, is that's kind of the goal for, for next year. Just as many of those as possible. Just touch as many people as possible, help as many people as possible.

I've done so many, you know, Webexes and Zooms and with different people, you know, for free to just. offer advice and yeah, you know, I'm really just in this to help people. Like I said, my goals aren't, you know, all that monetary. They're just, you know, I don't speak free, obviously, but in trouble, you know, and all that stuff for free.

But, uh, you know, I'm not looking to be a millionaire or any of that shit. I'm just trying to help people. Well, and, and more and more men that wake up and, and do what you're doing, like realize, like, you've got a story to share and you've got value to offer. And just like the guy who, you know, lost his daughter, like, [00:46:00] like we're looking for men.

to help and to share and to be vulnerable with where they've been and how they've overcome so that we can, you know, see ourselves in that story and get some hope. Yeah, one of the things I say too is to, you know, if you have a story that's worth sharing that can help people, I mean, you have an obligation, man.

You know, like myself, like, I love to help people. I love to motivate people, but I also like to be motivated and, you know, I find those things, uh, helpful as well when I hear somebody's story about something they came, overcame as well. So, It goes both ways, especially for me, but yeah, man, if you have a story and some hardships and you fought hard to get through it and it made you a better person, then fuck, I want to hear it, and you have an obligation, in my opinion, to share it, so.

Man, I got these guys, like, troweling, uh, what is it, like, stucco outside my window. Oh, that's awesome. That's your office or your house? This is my office. Oh, that's funny. Thankfully, I've done some [00:47:00] work, so I'm not losing my mind right now. It's a testament to, uh, to the work I've done. That's awesome. Oh, man.

Dana, this has been a great conversation and, and just, I think, really helpful just to have this whole idea around just raising your standards. And I think that regardless of where you are, there's always this better version that we can aspire to be. And, and it's not about perfection, but. Like, if you can progress your life in a way where you're a little bit better today than you were yesterday and tomorrow you wake up and you do a little more work on yourself and you give yourself a little bit of grace when you, when you slip a little bit or, but you keep going, like, it's not about even your family deserving that, like, you deserve to live that kind of a life where every day is a little bit better because of the choices you're making.

Yeah, 100%. Man, I say all the time, you know, perfection is a myth, uh, we want to get better, we want to progress, uh, and there is always a new level and a new standard that you can set for yourself and achieve, and, uh, the goal is to just [00:48:00] constantly be better, and, you know, nobody's asking anybody to be perfect, because it's impossible.

Like I said, I don't care who you follow on the internet, they say they're perfect, they're full of shit. So, uh, that's, that's me. That's how I feel. I love it. Well, man, I, uh, very much appreciate your time today. What would be, uh, maybe a parting thought for, for the listeners of this? And then, too, we'd love for you to share kind of how they can get in touch with you if you spoke to them in a way that would make them want to reach out.

Yeah, so the, the parting thought, I guess, would be set some standards for yourself, create good habits, execute, and hold yourself accountable. That's what we're about, to be the standard. That's our message. So, uh, you can find us on Instagram at Be The Standard Podcast. Danny Giammaso is my personal Instagram and MikeBurns1 from my partner, Mike.

And then, uh, yeah, we're on LinkedIn as well, uh, Be The Standard Podcast and my personal as well. So yeah, no, it, it, then we have a website, BeTheStandardPodcast. com. [00:49:00] Uh, we have hats, apparel, things of that nature. You can catch our latest episodes. through the website as well. So yeah, there's a lot of ways to get in touch with us.

And, uh, no, I appreciate you having me on, man. Like I said, our goals are very much aligned in our mission and our values. So, uh, that's been mission number one for me since I started my podcast back in February, or even the idea about a year ago was just create this network of, of guys that. are like minded and, you know, share the same values and, you know, kind of grow this thing together and, uh, just continue to get better and lean on each other.

So I appreciate your time. I appreciate you having me on and it's been awesome. Great talk. Love it. Love it, man. Yeah. Uh, listeners go, uh, follow Denny and his partner, Mike. Go listen to Be The Standard podcast and y'all do have an awesome hat and an awesome shirt. I will say like, text me your address. I'll send you one.

Yeah, man, that'd be awesome. Y'all's gear is fantastic. Alright, well, that wraps us up for today. We'll have links to all the standard [00:50:00] contact stuff in the show notes. And, uh, Danny, again, I just really appreciate your time, man. Thank you for coming on today. Awesome. Thanks, brother.

If you enjoyed today's episode, please subscribe to the podcast, give us a rating and review, and share this episode with one man you know needs to hear this message. We want to encourage as many men as possible to show up as the strong leaders, loving husbands, and intentional fathers their family deserves.

And until next time, be the man the world needs.