David Waldy
[00:00:00]
Introduction: The World Needs Men
Franklin: Right now, the world needs great men who will stand up and lead with honor, serve with purpose, and courageously fulfill their God given roles and responsibilities as husbands, fathers, leaders, and men. It's time we see more men thrive, marriages filled with passion, and families that flourish. So whether you're a man struggling to figure it all out, or an awesome husband and dad looking for the next level, you've come to the right place.
We're your hosts, Franklin Swan and Tanner Hayes, bringing you practical, applicable tools and strategies you can use every day to build yourself into the man God is calling you to be. This is The World Needs Men. Let's go.
Guest Introduction: David Walde's Story
Franklin: Welcome back to the World Needs Men podcast. I [00:01:00] am absolutely excited today to welcome our guest onto the show, David Walde.
Tanner Hayes and I just. We're kicking off our conversation and, and man, I'm just so excited to have you on the show here, what you've got to share and, uh, and really just dive into what I know is going to be a fantastic conversation. So David, welcome to
David: the show. Franklin Tanner. I'm stoked to be here.
Thank you guys for having me. And yeah, I'm excited for our conversation. It's going to be a really good one. I have no doubt.
Franklin: Well, man, start off, just, uh, give us a little bit of idea of who you are, a little bit of your journey and path and, you know, just kind of give us some context.
David: Yeah, absolutely. So I'm a Kansas farm boy at heart.
I grew up in the heart of the Midwest. Dad was a veterinarian. Mom was a teacher. I grew up, my childhood was very much like, uh, Opie Taylor from the Andy Griffith show. Like my, my typical MO was BB gun on this shoulder, fish and pull on the other dog at my heels. And we're going to go party out in the field, you know, pond catching fish.
And it was a beautiful childhood, man. It was something that, uh, [00:02:00] in retrospect, there's so much gratitude I hold for. for it. There was a lot of pain and difficulty though. Just like I think everyone listening. We when we grow up, our childhood is just our childhood. We don't know that there's different childhoods.
Everyone has a uniquely different experience. And so it was really beautiful to have that experience as a kid. I fell in love with the outdoors, fell in love with hard work and I have a sister is about five years younger than me. So we were far enough in distance where I felt For a period of time, kind of like an only child, but then when she came into the world, she was like my, you know, I was, I was big brother and, and she was my job to take care of and protect her and, and, and everything.
And so fast forward, my family behind the scenes, I didn't know what was going on. My, my parents had a really, really rocky marriage. And just before I turned 14, we moved to Tampa, Florida, and I would later find out that that was their last ditch effort to try and save their marriage. It was something that was, was very difficult.
And throughout high school and, uh, even getting ready to head into [00:03:00] college, I was the do everything kind of guy. Like I was involved in every click, even though I wasn't a part of actually any of them. I was chorus, drama, in with the nerds, in with the jocks. Like I, I played music. I led worship at church. I was doing all the things.
And it was really. season. But there was also, uh, that's where I started learning how to wear masks. And it was, I didn't realize so much later that I was doing so many different things, trying to not have to be at home because of what was going on at home. And I don't know how much time we'll have to get into all those nuances.
But what I will say is that those formative years, my parents ended up separating my dad when he when he separated or left the first time. I didn't realize how much that tour And fracture relationship inside of me feeling like my dad had abandoned me and then I had a man who stepped into like a fatherhood figure who was a pastor who was a youth pastor who ended up I would later [00:04:00] find out the term grooming and he ended up taking advantage of me and so I have my view.
Of masculinity from 15, 14, 15, 16 years. It was not, it was not good because the two men that I looked up to one, I felt abandoned me and one took advantage of me. And so you fast forward and graduated from, from high school with a full ride academic scholarship. And, uh, I turned it down and said, I'm not going to school to get a degree just to get a degree.
I didn't feel like I was. Uh, it was a good use of my time. And so instead I moved here to South Carolina. I came to this little, uh, South Carolina school of leadership. It was a leadership development school, uh, an internship program moreover. And I learned a lot about strengths development. And the reason that I came is there was a man here who got on the phone, his name's Darren Heilman.
And I'll never forget gentlemen, the conversation that he had with me just about my future and vision and what I wanted out of life, and it was the first time that I could remember that I looked at a man [00:05:00] and I said, maybe. Maybe this man won't abandon me and maybe this man won't take advantage of me.
And so that led into my twenties, which I consider the dark ages. Uh, it was a beautiful start to the season, but there was so much pain and difficulty going on underneath the surface. I didn't know who I was. I didn't know what I wanted. And so I just did what everyone says you're supposed to do, supposed to go get a good job, so I built a career in sales.
Rapidly rise, uh, rose through the ranks, became a top 1 percent producer for a 400 million a year company, uh, realized that had a knack for sales and quickly rose through the ranks to the glass corner office. I got the company car, got the six figure salary, bought the house, got married, had a kid. And, uh, in 2018, I found myself standing in front of the mirror with a Glock in my hand, ready to end it.
I was about 60 pounds heavier than I am right now. I was working 70, 80 hours a week. Money was good. Life was good. I was, you know, that outward perception, everyone's like, dude, David Waldy's [00:06:00] got it figured out. And inside I was so broken and in pain that I came to that point where. I believed that my wife and my daughter at the time, we've got three now, but at the time it was just her and a family that this world would be a better place if David Waldie wasn't in it.
And, uh, that was the defining moment where everything shifted for me. And then we'll, I'm sure we'll get into what happened since then, but. Over the last six years, it's been a complete transformation of my life to where when I look back at that man, I don't even recognize him anymore. And God has been so faithful through all
Franklin: of it.
You look back to that space you were in, did anyone know just how much pain you were feeling inside? I don't
David: know if anyone knew. If they knew. If they knew they didn't say anything, and I think it was because of the amount of shame that I was carrying because I learned, like I said, from an early age, how to be all things to all people, but in a wrong [00:07:00] way.
I learned how to put all the masks on. So in every single room that I want my top strength. So I'll give you my top five strengths. I think this is a useful context. Empathy, adaptability, inclusivity, connectedness, and input. My strengths all, all center around emotional intelligence and human connection.
And because I learned how to read people, and I became hypersensitive to my environment at home, and like knowing what, if dad was going to go off, if mom was going to go off, if there was going to be police coming, or what's, what's going to happen, right? I learned how to mask. Is what we, you know, it's a kind of a popularized term today, but I realized that I learned how to just be whatever I needed to be for whoever was there and no one really knew what was going on underneath.
And I think it was because I felt like such a hypocrite and I was so ashamed and I had to keep up appearances because I was so terrified of being rejected, abandoned, or taken advantage [00:08:00] of.
Franklin: And that mask that you talk about, it's really. a defense mechanism, probably in a way, and it's, and it's really how do I survive and and create some safety for myself within different contexts and, uh, different social settings, whatever that may be.
And so we kind of learn, you know, who the acceptable version of ourselves is to present to the world and really it's just covering up though that, you know, that stuff that we've got inside of us. Absolutely.
David: It is.
The Power of Empathy in Personal Transformation
Franklin: So you go on this journey, you have that moment staring at yourself in the mirror, you know, where did this idea of, of empathy really come in and, and how did that really impact your journey and beginning to, to rebuild yourself as a man?
David: That's a great question. And to be honest, you have to go back to when I was about 15, I took this. test that, uh, it's called Clifton StrengthsFinders. It's been around for a couple of decades now. And I had a leader [00:09:00] in our church that asked for us to take it, read the book and take it. And I remember taking it and guys, I got, I got so mad.
I was so pissed because as a 15 year old, you know, you're, you're coming out of childhood, you're, you're transitioning into manhood. The first thing that I saw on that page as a 15 year old boy is empathy. I'm like, what man wants empathy is his number one strength. That's so freaking soft and girly and squishy.
This is stupid. Give me something like motivator or, you know, or competition or whatever. And so from, you know, even from those, those earlier years, I resented. The part of me that was, that was very, very empathetic, and I started to resist it so much so that I tried to push down this thing that was truly a hardwired gift that God had placed inside of me.
And over the last 15 years, really 20 years now, what's really interesting to me is that I've taken [00:10:00] that test three other times, and every single time, and this is proof of, of, that we, all of us have different gifts that are hardwired. My top five have never changed. Throughout all of life, I have still had those top five strengths.
And so it was through that process when I really, I came to face face to face with reality where God intervened, that I started to realize that everything that I was created to be part of my purpose on this planet was to embrace fully who he created me to be. And I had been so resistant to it because of labels and meanings.
And I just grew up, boys, don't cry. You're not soft. Boys don't give hugs. Boys don't give kisses. Boys, like, I think it's just, you know, you speed the, and especially growing up in Kansas, like hard work, you know, like you, you suck it up and you get to work. I'm bailing hay. I'm dealing with the horses for my grandpa, like dealing all sorts of different things.
It's just, you work hard and there's not enough time for emotion. [00:11:00] And. It wasn't until I started to embrace those things that God had placed inside of me, and I stopped resenting them, that I started to discover that my definition of empathy was not the real definition of empathy. And there was also some very important missing components that I think, especially today, people really, really mess up about the term empathy and what it means and how we can use it as a blessing in the lives of other people.
Franklin: How do you use it
David: in your own life? So I have a You know, my, my clients affectionately call me the fierce empathy coach. And it's really funny because it's almost like a paradox, right? Fierce and empathy are two words that really don't seem to go together. One is abrasive. One is like, you know, very energetic.
It seems more masculine and empathy is like this soft, squishy, Oh, you're so sweet and kind. And it's not that at all to me. The definition that I, I strive to operate from the book that I'm working on right now that's all around fierce empathy is, is this, [00:12:00] is creating an environment where others feel seen, heard, and understood, but simultaneously, we have the courage to speak the hard truth in love.
The Importance of Self-Love and Personal Responsibility
David: regardless of whatever discomfort may follow. And so what I had done is that I was very empathetic, but I started to realize that that empathy was skewed and flawed because of my definition is that I. People were just naturally drawn to me. Everyone would bring me their problems. Everyone would talk to me about what's going on.
There are two problems with that. One is I didn't know how to regulate my own emotions. And so when other people's emotions entered the scene, it just emotionally bankrupted me. I became overwhelmed, overstimulated. I just, and I would dissociate and I would just have to go be alone. And so I started to realize I'm missing, missing something here.
And that missing something is what led me into coaching and consulting of realizing that I can create this environment where someone feels safe. But also that I have purchased permission because of our emotional [00:13:00] transactions purchased permission to tell them everything that they don't want to hear, but they desperately need to hear and they can receive it from a place of understanding.
I'm not trying to harm them, although it may hurt them.
Franklin: That courage part is so powerful because I think you're right. It's really easy to. to go forward with the soft empathy, you know, where we are just kind of holding space for somebody, but we're not willing to take that next courageous step to, to really say what's on our heart or what we know is the hard truth that needs to be said.
And sometimes that's even for ourselves. Uh,
David: especially for ourselves,
Franklin: you know, for us to be empathetic and be able to hold space for other people. I really think we've got to start by being empathetic for ourselves and just give ourselves some grace and some love and even forgiveness. Right. Yeah. And so what part did, did your own healing have and what role did that play in your ability to be even more [00:14:00] fiercely empathetic as you say?
with, uh, with the people that you coach and the people in your life that you love, your wife, your kids.
David: Yeah. You mentioned it earlier, um, Franklin, is that there's a verse in the Bible that says love your neighbor as yourself. And I think that there are a lot of men in particular that don't understand what that's really saying.
Because most of us, I found a lot of this comes down to this internal integrity. And integrity, there's two sides to the coin of integrity. Most men are decently good at when they give their word to somebody else, they keep it. I'll tell you I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it, right? Because our integrity is on the line.
It's easy accountability. The problem is the other side of the coin of integrity is that we make promises to ourselves and we say we're going to do things all the time, and we consistently break our word to ourselves. And in any relationship, if I was to give you my word and consistently break it, you're going to lose trust in You're going to start to lose respect for me until eventually [00:15:00] that relationship will be completely fractured and you will, you will remove me from your circle if you cannot rely on me.
And that is what I have found in the work that I've done over the last number of years with, with hundreds of different men is that it's because we fractured that trust and respect within ourselves. We have no confidence in the relationship with ourselves. And it's because we think it's good for me to give and give and give and give to everyone else.
and to love my neighbor and to love my family and to take care of my kids and to do all the things that we have lived in in what I believe is is an attempt at nobility to live a life of sacrifice and service to other people. We want to be servant leaders. We want to serve people well, but we've done it to such an extreme degree that we have completely compromised the internal relationship that we have with ourselves.
And so we feel used We feel abused. We feel taken advantage of. We feel like no one cares. We feel like no matter how hard we try, it's not good enough. We can be 99%, but then our wife says that one [00:16:00] thing. We're like, am I, I'm doing everything I possibly can. And we just internally, there's this absolute chaos between the head and the heart because we don't really know how to love ourselves.
And so what I discovered through that is if I'm going to most effectively love like Jesus, if I'm going to most effectively love my wife, And my kids and my clients and you guys and every person that I interact with, I have to understand that love your neighbor as yourself means that all of my attempts at loving my neighbor, if I don't love myself, all of my attempts at loving my wife and my kids, if I don't love myself, are these, these hollow, desperate attempts to try and fill something within me that will never, ever be filled.
Because I'm not actually loving them. I'm using them to feel better about my life. I'm trying to prove something. I'm trying to hide something or [00:17:00] whatever it is. And so I started to realize my healing had to come by me first restoring relationship with myself and understanding God's love in my life and what that really meant.
Not just so I didn't go to hell. Not just so that I could be saved. Not just, but what did real transformation of my mind look like? And as that process started, every relationship in my life started to change because it moved from, I need my wife. I need my kids.
Rewiring Your Mind for Success
David: I need people to like me. I need to be loved.
I need attention. I need this to where I was able to cultivate within myself. This what we all I think aspire to and I'm not perfect. Please don't misunderstand I that's still a work in progress, but i'm cultivating every single day a deeper understanding of what? unconditional like truly Unconditional love can look like and it's part of what has brought so much healing into my life because now i've started to understand You mentioned the empathy piece if i'm going to really understand what [00:18:00] people are going through If i'm going to be able to relate to them in the best way possible.
I have to be healthy Otherwise, I'm pouring from an empty cup, and I think that's where most men get stuck is we're pouring from an empty cup, and so what we see in the mirror, no one else sees because from the outside looking in, we're doing it all right, but inside we hate, we hate what's going on.
Franklin: We put on these masks, but when we look in the mirror, we see right through it.
David: Right through it.
Host 2: I love that part where you said you were talking about the disconnect from the head and the heart. I think that's what. So many men struggle with their, they're so logical and they, there we go. They know everything up here, but they have that disconnect and they're leading so much with the head and they're
David: missing the heart component.
Thanks brother.
Franklin: It's true. You know, I've never thought of it this way, but it's almost a formula, you know, and if you think of a formula, one plus one equals two, right? Well, if you take any component of that formula out, the, the [00:19:00] equation doesn't, doesn't work. Doesn't work. So if you think of love your neighbor as yourself, well, if love your neighbor is one part of that formula, love yourself is another part of that formula.
The entire equation breaks down if you remove either one of those. And I think a huge reason that especially men get that formula messed up is we just don't value ourselves. And we focus so much on the love everyone else part. To our own detriment and over time we place less and less and less value in worth in who we are and we keep trying to fill our cup by pouring into everybody else, but it's the undercurrent is I don't love myself and maybe even I hate what I see in the mirror.
And so there just becomes this, this complete inability to love others, because from a foundational standpoint, you just don't [00:20:00] love yourself. And then the whole thing breaks down when you can't, you can't love
David: yourself. Yeah, your entire identity. That's where we, we're so emotionally depleted that that's where we start looking to anything and everything that will give us some form of emotional stimulation.
We're plugging our energy source into it, like all of our trying to get all of our energy from our wife. Or all of it from our kids, or all of it from porn, or all of it from the football game, or all of it from the time with the boys, we're plugging in desperate to feel internally, because we haven't, like you said, that formula is jacked up.
And one of the most powerful realizations for me came through scripture, actually, where it talks about, there's a verse that says, be transformed by the renewing of your mind. And I read that one time, and it just. You know how you read verses, and then you read verses again, and you read verses again, and you read verses again, and eventually, like, you can, you can pull out so many different things.
And there was one day I [00:21:00] remember reading that, and I felt the Lord very clearly. He said, Do you know why it doesn't say, Be transformed by the renewing of your spirit? I said, I've never thought about that, God. So the reason it's, Be transformed by the renewing of your mind, is because your mind, Is the thing that governs every single choice you make every behavior, every action and every feeling and the only way and I'm a super big nerd when it comes to neuroscience and diving into understanding behavioral psychology and why we make the decisions that we do and it shows up in my work every single day is that our belief system, you talk about an equation, our belief system, It fuels our thinking patterns, our thinking patterns.
It fuels how we feel about life, how we feel about life is directly tied to the actions that we take. And most of us are running these programs, these equations that have gotten us particular results and it's been okay. And eventually you start to realize, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. If I'm going [00:22:00] to really change my actions and create different results, if I'm really going to change how I feel about life, then I have to directly.
Look at my thinking patterns and my thinking patterns and how I approach life if that's influenced by my belief system Then the first place I have to start is completely unpacking what I believe about life What I believe about success and fulfillment what I believe about God what I believe about myself and when you start addressing those things and like you're saying take that equation you start to realize that when you transform your mind you Every other part of your life, it can't help but change.
You're changing the variable, which means you by default will start to get different results. And I found that to be really powerful because it's like right there in scripture where God is saying that when you re wire Your mind, which literally is creating [00:23:00] new neural pathways through habits, through routines, through our associations, our connections.
You start to realize that this whole thing is a lot less complicated than we realize, but the challenge is that it's so simple. That's why it's so difficult. Because we're guys, we're, we're gluttons for punishment, like, you know, it's not easy. And it's the simple things that confound the wise. And as I started to realize that this is, this was the key, I started changing those things in my life.
Literally started changing before my very eyes. What puts the
Franklin: practical path you took, you know, like rewiring your mind when you study this stuff and looking at neuroscience and new neural pathways and all, you kind of start understanding that but for someone Who really hasn't considered that before.
What does that look like practically? And how did you reconstruct your, your, your mindset architecture, so to speak? And, and go from those limiting beliefs to the empowering beliefs [00:24:00] and really rebuild on a, on a solid framework that would allow you to have a good
David: life. Yeah. So I want us to all imagine that we're farmers for a minute.
Everyone listening. We're farmers. You have woken up every single day. You've walked out your front porch, you've hopped on your tractor. Yeah. And you've driven down the road to the field where you work every day, every single day, over time, let's say you've done that for five years, done that for 10 years, done that for 15 years, done that for 40 years.
The seasons have come and go, but every single day you're consistent and you show up and you go do your work, you get on that tractor, and you go every single day, over time, and it doesn't take that long, you start formulating ruts in that road. And very rapidly, honestly, within the first couple of months and get into the nerdy research, if we want to, it takes between 21 and 90 days.
You make a conscious choice for 21 to 90 days and you will create a new neural pathway in your brain. You, [00:25:00] you literally rewire the brain with consistency. The reason that's 21, between 21 and 90 days is that the most recent research indicates it's based on different types of people, right? For some people, you can break a habit in three weeks.
For some people, it takes up to 90 days to actually create a new neural pathway, not just break the pathway or to break the, you know, uh, poor habit. But what's interesting is that if you've gotten on that tractor every single day, There comes a point where those ruts are so deep that you don't even have to hold onto the steering wheel anymore.
You just aim it towards the road, you get on the road and you sit back and it goes exactly where it's supposed to go every single day. And those ruts get deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper. And being a Kansas farm boy, I know what this feels like in a very real world terms. If you're stuck in a rut and you're driving down a rutted road, trying to get out of that is one of the hardest things you have to crank, especially not a power steering, man.
You got to like crank that handle as hard as you can to get out of that rut. But what's interesting [00:26:00] is this, you turn the steering wheel and you hold on one, one degree, one degree. And from your house to that field, let's just say it's a mile. You turn the steering wheel one degree, you will end up at a completely different location.
You travel the same amount of distance. You did the same amount of work. You rode the track of the same amount of time, but a 1 percent course correction, which for many of us is as simple as like Stop freaking snoozing, go to the gym, put your phone in your room when you get home from work, and don't look at it till the kids go to bed.
A 1 percent correction in our life. It's not all the, like, I'm all for all the fun, like, trendy, cool, cold plunge, everything, this, affirmation. Like, there's a lot of stuff that works really, really well, but people way overcomplicate it. You make one consistent change, a one degree difference in turning the wheel of your life, and you just maintain consistency.
You will create. A whole new path, a new rut. And as the [00:27:00] seasons come and go, the rains come, the storms come, there's sunshine over time, those old ruts. They wash away. Now you're gonna have an option for a long time. You're gonna have an option. You're gonna get to a fork in the road every single day. Do I go down this path or it'll go down this path.
And so what that looks like for us in a very practical way is that if you want to end up at a different location, meaning you don't want to keep getting the same results over and over and over and over again, you have to ask a series of questions and the series of questions that most of us ask, they center around.
What do I need to do to fix my health? What do I need to do to fix my marriage? What do I need to do to make more money? Those are great questions, but we all ask them. And the problem is, is that they're not the most useful question. The most useful question I found for this entire process actually came from a mentor of mine.
We were sitting at his cafe, a little Mediterranean cafe eating shawarma and a bunch of food I can't pronounce. And it was one of those main street cafes with the big glass windows and you see the traffic going by. She leaned across the table at me. She said, David, who do you want to [00:28:00] become? And I want to be respectful of our time here.
I won't go too far into that. But what I'll say is this, gentlemen, is that that was the first time in my life where that, that question really even crossed my mind. It was because growing up is like, what do you want to do when you grow up? What do you want to do with your life? What do you want to do?
What do you want to do? We ask those questions about everything. What do I need to do to get my wife to have sex with me? What do I need to do to fix my kids temper tantrums? What do I need to do to help my business grow? Useful questions. not the most useful. When you start to identify who you want to become.
And for me, the problem was I had never given myself that permission because every single day I was praying, God, show me my calling. Why am I here? What is my purpose? God, tell me, like, why do I have these results? If you're supposed to be in control of my life, master of my life, right? I'm following you.
I'm loving you. I'm doing all the godly things. I'm going to church, right? I'm reading my Bible. And what I realized was that I had completely Deferred all accountability, [00:29:00] responsibility for my life and placed it all on God. My weight, my relationship, my business, my finances. I had literally shoved all of that responsibility onto God.
And had abandoned the head and the heart that he gave me. And when I started to define the man that I wanted to become, what I found through the process that was so beautiful is that when you know what you're aiming at, as far as the man, you want to be the husband, you want to be the father, you want to be the leader.
You want to be the entrepreneur. You want to be when you give yourself permission to define that man. What you need to do gets crystal clear really, really fast.
Franklin: The fact that, you know, you point out that you wouldn't give yourself permission, like that resonates so deeply and I feel like just for men in general, you know, how often do we really give ourselves permission to even ask those questions?
You know, we get out of school. career starts, maybe family starts, and you kind of look [00:30:00] up one day and you realize you've just been running as fast as you can to, to try to keep up with everything. And we, we never even, when we're taught, you need to ask this question, like, and we weren't told you, you don't just like, like, this isn't something like you earned, but just like, you deserve to be able to step back and determine who do you want to be.
David: But I believe that wasn't allowed. I don't mean to interrupt you Frank, but here's what I want to say to everyone listening. I had become convinced, I literally told her in that conversation, I said, I'm not allowed to define that. She said, who do you want to become? And I said, the words that literally, it was a reaction.
I didn't even think it came out of my mouth. I said, I'm not allowed to define that. And it was because I had become so indoctrinated to believe that that was 100 percent on God. And if I was just good enough, if I just read my Bible enough, if I just did the good Christian stuff enough, that God was going to [00:31:00] take care of all of it.
And so I believed I did not have that permission because I wasn't allowed to because I said, that's God's job. Until I had kids, I didn't understand how screwed up that was.
Franklin: Yeah, I think God gives us agency, right, to make decisions. And I think the hard thing for any man looking in that mirror and then looking at the results, good and bad, good, bad and ugly of life is you have to realize, like, you're the common denominator for all of them.
Yes. The end. As men, if we want to be like honorable, godly, masculine men in that context and framework, we have to take full responsibility and accountability for all of that, and we don't get to blame somebody else or point the finger or be a victim. We have to own it. You know, why is God going to come in and fix the mess that we created ourselves like that?
I believe he gives us the ability and the agency and the encouragement [00:32:00] to start cleaning things up. But I don't think he's going to do it for us.
David: He's not. And that's one of the other things that I realized is that he's not going to fix. That was, and I'll just share very briefly. That's what I heard when I was standing there, holding my Glock, looking in the mirror, ready to end it.
I heard, I felt in my bones. God speak to me very clearly. He said, buddy, I love you, but I can't fix this for you. And it was the first time in my life where my whole paradigm and perception of what God can do. I realized that I, I was the only one that could start to undo that mess, but it didn't mean that he was going to abandon me.
It didn't mean that he wasn't going to be there with me. He said, I am with you. I am for you, but you get to decide. You get to commit, you get to become. And that [00:33:00] shift for me, and I think for any guys listening. Just because God's not going to necessarily fix it doesn't mean he's not going to help you. He wants to help you.
There's a reason we're called co laborers. He will come alongside us, but we have to, just like with our kids, for anyone that has kids, right? There are times where you, you know, you see your kid doing something challenging and sometimes you let them have to figure it out because you know they need that, and sometimes you infuse yourself in that situation and say, Buddy, let me help you.
Conclusion: The Journey to Becoming a Better Man
David: Let me help you. Let's do this together. And
Franklin: it's so much more beneficial for them when you don't do it all for them, you allow them to learn lessons and to, to go through those trials and challenges and, but then also gain the self confidence that they have that ability to, to have some control over their own life.
Host 2: One of the most powerful things you can do is, is believe that you have the power to change your life. And at the same time, one of the most [00:34:00] destructive things is to believe that you have no power to change. And I think. It's so easy to see that in our children, you know, you have, you can take ownership over your thoughts and your actions and we forget that so
David: often in our own lives.
I agree with you, Tanner. And it's, um, I think if I was to leave any, uh, a final practical advice for anyone who's, who's listening and you're saying, and this all sounds great in theory, but you don't know what I'm going through and you don't know what I've done. You don't know what I've faced and. And I think that what is beautiful about empathy, particularly fierce empathy, is that we don't realize that as men, how much we desperately need each other.
That's why I love what you guys are doing here. It's what I, why I love what you're building here because the world, like we need men, we need brothers, worthy brothers. I have a, I have a [00:35:00] community at a brotherhood and it's called the ardent man, and it stands for accountable, responsible, disciplined, empathetic.
noble and true. And the reason that this world needs men so desperately is because we have to have someone in our corner who has the courage to look us in the face. Say, brother, I love you, but this is not the standard. You need to raise the standard. And so for guys that are wrestling with that saying, well, where do I start?
Or how do I begin? Start with your relationship with yourself. How do you speak to yourself? Think about it. How do you really speak to yourself? Do you say things like I'm an idiot or that was a stupid thing to do? Cause there, those are two very, very different things. Do you say, I'm a failure? Or do you say, well, I failed at that, I need to get better.
You start paying attention to how you're speaking to yourself and you'll start to realize what your thinking patterns really are. And when you start taking those captive, which is also very biblical, you, [00:36:00] you take those thoughts captive. And you question them and you challenge them and you change how you speak to yourself.
You do that and you will see men magnetized to you because you have, you have started working on yourself and men like Franklin, men like Tanner will start to cut. There's a reason you're listening to this podcast right now. There's no accidents. I don't believe in coincidences is that you need people like these men here.
You need worthy brothers who will hold you to that higher standard, but will love you and allow you to, to go through that brokenness, but you don't have to do it alone. You need to start challenging your thoughts and questioning those things. That's where you start. David, this
Franklin: has been an absolute honor having you on today.
I know that we're running up on time. If we've got a man who's listening to this right now. And he's resonating with what you're saying. And you're a coach or someone who helps men out of that space that, that you found yourself in with practical tools and [00:37:00] roadmaps and, and they're interested in reaching out, where would they be able to find you?
David: Yeah, you can Google me. You'll find just about anywhere. Anything from there. Um, you can go to my website. It's my name, David Waldie. I have a lot of different resources. I have a free resource as well. It's called the fierce empathy framework, which is very, very useful for this. You go to fierce empathy framework dot com.
You can grab that. It's an entire like 40 page ebook that you can work through these things on your own. But if you want to directly connect, shoot me an email. I'm pretty old fashioned that way. If you message me on social media, probably not going to respond unless you have like Reference the podcast.
If you guys reference the podcast, I'll make sure to respond, but I'm always, always open to conversations. And my, my heart is just to help just like you guys are doing because the world needs men. And it starts with us. Like no one's coming. No one's coming, but they will start to come the moment you take ownership of your life and you'll start to realize, Oh my gosh, they've been here all along.
You just need to become that man first and [00:38:00] take the first step. You have to initiate it in your own life. So thank you guys so much for having me here today. I appreciate it. Beautiful
Franklin: man. Thank you. Sure. Appreciate it.
Host 2: We ask that if you found value in this, that you
David: subscribe to the
Host 2: podcast and share with someone that you think would find value in this as well.
Franklin: If there's a man that you know, who would benefit from this, please share it with them. We want to get. These messages and these tools and resources out to as many men as we can so that marriages can be thriving, families can heal, so kids have great dads, so that wives have great husbands, and one man at a time in this world we can make a difference.[00:39:00]