Franklin: [00:00:00] Right now, the world needs great men who will stand up and lead with honor, serve with purpose and courageously fulfill their God given roles as husbands, fathers, leaders, and men. I'm your host, Franklin Swan, bringing you practical tools and powerful conversations you can use every day to build yourself into the man God is calling you to be.
This is The World Needs Men. Let's go. Welcome back to the World Needs Men podcast. Super excited for my guest today, Nick Alfano, who is a husband, a father, a former attorney. He's an entrepreneur, a speaker, a coach, mentor, and runs a group called The Program. And, uh, Nick and I have known each other for a while now, and I've been very excited to get you into the show [00:01:00] and have this conversation today.
So Nick, welcome. And, uh, appreciate you making the time to be here today.
Nick: Yeah. Thanks for having me, brother. I appreciate you. Excited
Franklin: to get into it. Awesome, man. Well, why don't just start off, you know, you and I met in 2018 at a kind of a men's men's event, so to speak, and had a pretty cool, experience. You and I just happened to sit beside each other out of 1200 dudes out of 1200 men.
You and I happened to sit beside each other and it's so cool knowing your story now and seeing that you have have really shifted your life away from business in the traditional sense. And now you're on a mission to help men level up in their lives, especially in their homes as fathers and husbands and, and, and, you know, go on the same journey you did to a large extent.
And so seeing who you were then and who you are now is just incredible. And, and we'd love for you to just share some of your story, who you are, your background, and then we'll get into it.
Nick: Yeah. So I appreciate that intro. Like you said, and there are [00:02:00] no accidents. There's 1200 men. And we got to share that extremely powerful experience towards the end of the two and a half day event.
Yeah. Nick Alfano, former attorney, serial entrepreneur. I built some pretty cool things, built two eight figure businesses, but I don't have like a sexy exit story. I didn't actually sell those in the traditional sense. And they're both, you know, not operational today. And I'll get into that in a second, but exactly what you said, man, when we met five and a half years ago, and I have the date because it's a very important date to me, December 12th, 2018, I was focused on, on not only money, but just focused on checking all the boxes that Instagram says make you make you cool, make you successful.
So, um, if you were like looking at me from the outside or just again, checking the gram bro, I had the muscles, the tattoos, the, The 250 K sports cars, the big house, the white picket fence. My wife is drop dead gorgeous. My babies are gorgeous and captains of all their teams. Like I checked every box that you're supposed to check except for the boxes that [00:03:00] matter.
I would find out later. So, you know, what brought me to that event was a gentleman that we also have in common, Kyle Kirov, who was a former soccer dad with, you know, I saw our sons play together and he kind of figured out pretty quickly that my wife and I were going through some hard times. And again, this is about five and a half years ago.
You know, I built my wife 20, it'll be 25 years in October. I lost my virginity to this woman, which was one of my many stories. So not only high school sweethearts, we've known each other since sixth grade, started dating in high school, but I cheated on her off and on for 17 of those 25 years. And, um, you know, sometimes it's hard to talk about the only reason I could talk about it now and not crying.
If you, if you look back at any, the multiple times I've told my story, I think just with reps again, it's gotten a little easier to talk about and, and really more powerful because, you know, now what we do for a living is walk men through, through their, their pain, their pit, some of which, you know, does include infidelity, unfortunately.
It's been very powerful to be able to both share our story. So my wife and I will actually sit on stage and either interview style from [00:04:00] someone else, you know, Nick Long will help with that or just have a conversation with a big room. We'll, we'll talk about what it's, what it's like to kind of walk through that and why we not only do we make it out, but we are, I mean, the best we've ever been.
One of the biggest testaments to that is I moved out to Nashville, which is where I'm calling you from now, a year ahead of her because my daughter was going into her senior year and my son was starting his freshman year and had a huge soccer opportunity out here. And so we were 2000 miles apart for a year, maybe saw each other every six weeks for a day or two.
And to be able to get that far with our relationship after the history that I brought, you know, to the house. You know, I believe is a huge Testament to doing the work, which is again, where I think a lot of guys fall short because they don't want to do the work. So anyway, we'll rewind a little bit. How do I get in that room?
Besides, you know, being a, you know, I want to cuss on your podcast, but being a not a good dude, not have my priorities in line, really just woke up every day and had the biggest chip on my shoulder to prove to the world that I was the man. And that was more important to me than putting the energy into my four [00:05:00] walls.
And so the story that I was married to for way too long, and it took me a while to actually learn this about myself was that I'm not getting the attention I need. I'm not getting the energy, the reciprocation, whatever is I'm looking for the affirmation inside of my four walls. It's not happening. But when I step out of these four walls, I employ 670, almost 700 kids on phones.
I make over a million dollars. I check every box. Everybody outside of my four walls thinks I'm the man. I'm King Kong as soon as I walk out the front door. And if I'm not gonna get it here, I'm gonna seek it elsewhere. And so I used to think, and I used to be really proud of this. I used to think I wasn't an addict, you know, I used to kind of like look down on addicts because I've been, I think I was drunk on my senior prom.
I don't do, I don't smoke. Like we don't do anything like that. I don't gamble. I don't believe in it. I don't video game. Like I just told myself like, you don't have an addictive personality. You're not an addict. I didn't have a vice. But the reality is that my vice was, was affirmation. And so like I needed the world to affirm me, you know, there was times where I had [00:06:00] 250 K sports cars and it had nothing to do with attracting the opposite sex, like picking up girls.
It was very important to me and it felt that good to have a 20 year old kid pull up to me at a stoplight and say like sick whip, bro, you know, like that felt good enough for me to continue to chase that dopamine dragon. And, and, and there was a point where I had a 3, 800 car note and a 2, 100 mortgage. So if that's not douchebag, like, I don't know what is, right?
And so when I started unpacking all of this, and I don't know how far, you know, you want me to go into my background, but you know, I was born and raised in the South. I was born in Biloxi, Mississippi. Dad moved to Cali to set up shop a year ahead of us. Got his job, moved him out to California. By the time we moved out here, we moved in July, like most responsible parents would like in between school years.
And they were divorced by October because my dad's version of setting up shop was finding a younger, hotter version of my mom. And so, you know, he basically started a whole new life during that one year period. And we were split up or my parents were split up after [00:07:00] that in the south for those of you that don't know and I Know you're you're you're coming to me from texas So maybe you've seen this and I know the world's changing but we we got hit quite often Like that was normal you get physical abuse was like par for the course That's all we knew you get out of line you get you get popped and we got popped pretty good So when you move to california the biggest bluest liberal state in the world They kind of frowned upon that and so I was showing up to school third grade fourth grade fifth grade Those are the main years with some pretty obvious signs of physical abuse, you know, from belt marks to hangers to bleeding and sometimes like just, just really, really aggressive abuse.
And this is how powerful your subconscious is and your environment, the way you grow up. Like I thought it was normal. Like, you know, teachers would ask me what's going on. I'm like, I, you know, I earned this. I deserve this. I got out of line. I got hit. That's what, you know, I'm one of three children, right.
We're all one year apart. I'm in the middle. And so it was just normal for us. That's all we ever knew. And in Cali, you know, they're mandated to run that stuff up the flagpole, you know, which I get not, not my teacher's fault. And then the pattern was essentially they running [00:08:00] up the flagpole, it would get to the principal.
Sometimes police would actually come down to the school and question me and me and my mother at the, in the principal's office. I know for a fact I get my gift of gab from my mom, so she would cleverly talk her way out of the situation and then I would get hit worse as soon as I got home, right? Because her version of events was somehow I'm, I'm, I'm ratting her out.
So it got to a point where I'm like begging my, I'm pleading my teachers like, please stop because the abuse isn't stopping, but it's only getting worse because you guys are like mandated to, to report right to CPS, a child protective services. All that to say, fast forward, I'm 14, I'm working out a little bit.
I got like my first chest tear. And I feel like a man and, um, my mom comes to, to put hands on me and I defended myself pretty aggressively. And I pushed her through a sliding glass door and she left a note the next morning. And I don't remember the exact words. You think I would, but to the effect of Nicholas, my full name has shown me that I can no longer discipline my children.
And, and there's rents paid for a month. There was four of us sharing a two bedroom apartment. And there's [00:09:00] groceries in the cupboard for a month. So you have a month to figure out your lives. And she walked away from all three of her kids. And so that was 14 on. And I think what I've unpacked over the years of doing my own work and so on is that that's what really started this, like this chip on my shoulder mentality.
And were you, were you the oldest middle? Yeah, we're all one year apart. So there was my sister's 14. My brother was 13.
Franklin: So a 15, 14, 13 year old left, left with a month's
Nick: left for dead. Yeah. Yeah. This is a horrible behavior, right? So essentially my brother, who's basically a junior, he went and found my, and live with my dad.
My dad was in Mexico at the time doing, he did fiber optic stuff. So he was all over wherever the new job was a new development. He went and live with my dad and my brother and sister, or my sister and I just kind of went our separate ways. So I was homeless from 14 on. And not homeless in the sense, like, yeah, there was a lot like that you see on TV.
There was plenty of nights on curbs and park benches and so on. But I again had the gift of gab. I had some friends and so I called myself a professional couch surfer. Like you'd be hard pressed to find a picture of me from 14 to [00:10:00] probably 20 where I don't have a backpack on. It doesn't matter where I am.
It doesn't, I could be, I could be at a funeral and have a backpack on. I could have a suit on, have a backpack on. My backpack was like my Linus blanket. If you remember Charlie Brown. Like it was my security blanket because it had, you know, the essentials. It had enough stuff to make sure I could, wherever I landed that day, I could get through the next 24 hours.
So some basic toiletries, toothbrush, things like that. Right. But I had a lot of good friends. So like I said, I was on couches a lot. My senior year of high school, a particular family figured it out was going on and they permanently parked me on their couch. And they had like a 875 square foot home and two kids of their own.
And they didn't have an extra bedroom. So my whole senior year, I just slept on, on their couch, which was awesome. Cause I had some semblance of consistency, but I was still like, you know, imagine, you know, going through puberty, trying to date girls, like, and I live on a couch and at my buddy's family's house.
So it was, it was an awkward time in my life. But that's what started the chip. I'm like my addiction to affirmation, right? Was 100 percent like, don't look too close because you'll find out that Nick's homeless. So let me just flex [00:11:00] on everybody. And I was, I've always been a hustler. I've always like had some sort of side hustle or made some sort of money, but every dollar I made went towards shiny objects so that you wouldn't look too close.
So like, you know, I was actually voted best dressed and most likely to be a millionaire in my senior year and I was homeless. So if you look at my yearbook, I mean, so it's interesting because like I was voted best dressed because I was doing everything I can to put on a front, which would later evolve into the muscles and the tattoos and that, you know what I mean?
Like, let me check all the boxes. Don't look too close because I'm pretty broken. I'm pretty messed up in the head. Um, you know what I mean?
Franklin: Was that affirmation also kind of, uh, another way to look at it or frame it about self worth?
Nick: 100%. You know, I found this over the years and all I do now is cognitive behavioral therapy and reprogramming the subconscious mind, which is the name of the program.
But the number one fear of any human being on this planet earth, and it starts, it starts from zero to seven is abandonment. Uh, because it, it shows up in so many ways. It can be as simple as, you know, what are the new baby [00:12:00] books saying this year? Is it, is it let the kid cry himself to sleep or is it go coddle him when he cries?
Right. And so, and is it put it, are they side sleepers, put them on their head, all that to say when you're, when you're that young. And you're screaming for attention, whether you need to be changed, fed, or you're just tired and need to go to sleep and you don't receive it, it can start to build.
Neuroplasticity can actually start to build a subconscious program that your parents have abandoned you. And so to your point, what it does for a child's sense of self worth, because you don't feel worthy, you know, because why does, why do my parents not want me? How on earth could this lady just up and leave?
How did my dad come here and say, these three kids aren't for me anymore. I got these new kids and this new wife, and I'm going to go start this new family. Like all you think about, you're always told your parents didn't divorce because of you. And you could say that to the cows come home, but you're still sitting with the fact that my dad gave up on us to start a new family.
What's wrong with us? Right. And then reduce it again. What's wrong with me? My mom literally walked away from like, I don't even know where my next meal is coming from. What is wrong with me that someone would think that they could do that. Right. And so, yeah, it [00:13:00] destroys your self worth at a young age.
Franklin: You know, you hear about stuff like this, and I think a lot of the time we like to put those into statistical perspectives, right?
Well, here's the percentage of kids growing up without parents at home or whatever the case may be. But I like looking at it a different way. You know, maybe it is a statistic, but you bore the responsibility and the consequences. Of their decision to walk out, right? So you're sitting there as a 14 year old young boy, like dealing with adult level, real world level challenges.
And you did have an abandonment situation where your kid, your parents literally walked out on you. And then you have to figure out how do I, how do I navigate this? And how do I find and instill in myself a sense of value and a sense of self worth? Well, let me go start achieving things and and seeking that affirmation through the things that I can that I can control, which is money that I'm making cars.
I'm driving people think [00:14:00] about me. How do I
Nick: look? How do I present myself? What are the optics like? Let me play that game so hard because I'm going to overcompensate and overcorrect for all the issues. I'm really thinking about myself inside.
Franklin: Yeah. I mean, so, so play that forward. So you and I are at that event, you have a particular experience and then that shifts a lot of things for you that, that allow you to start doing things differently.
Nick: Yeah. Like literally, you know, there's a saying out there that small hinges open big doors. And I'm a firm believer that you never know when your inflection point is going to be. And so if we go, if we fast forward to 12, 12, 2018, I'm a lawyer. Now I've got a company that's spinning off seven figures of passive income.
Like, um, I'm crushing all these things. Or so I think, Hey world, look at me. All of the cheating is catching up to me and my wife and I are estranged now. I'm living 30, 40 miles away, you know, still showing up for the kids. So I have a story that I'm being an awesome dad, but she's just not the one for me.
Again, mind you, [00:15:00] you know, rewind, I lost my virginity to her, which this story comes back up and I'm like, well, how do I know she's the one we've been together since like seventh grade dating in high school. How do we, let me, let me go out and sow my oats, you know, let me figure this out. Right. And um, so many different stories that, you know, when you have the gift of gab, oftentimes when you're a good salesman, the number one person you close is your damn self.
You can talk yourself into, out of. And out of any situation and allow yourself to slide out of any form of responsibility. So a good buddy of mine, Kyle, who we both know, told me about this event. I told him absolutely not. I don't do that hippie woo woo stuff. Like I don't do Tony Robbins. I don't walk on hot coals.
Like it's all BS. I was not. Even in the realm of possibility of considering any form of personal development. And I applaud him. And I want to thank him again, live on this call because he kept poking the bear until finally I said, okay, I'll go if you go and I'll sit right next to you. And his words were you're going to love this.
I actually think it's a little aggressive, but it's right up your alley. And within the first 20 minutes of that, [00:16:00] Event. There's 1200 men doing pushups, staring at each other face to face, yelling, I am a effing liar, right, right out of the gate. And I absolutely loved it. Cause like it's, it was uncomfortable and it stung, but it was so, it was so true.
It rung so true to me. And so the gentleman, you know, obviously we know I'm Garrett J white. I also want to thank him for just having the courage to stand up and tell his story. And like, one thing I would communicate to any man listening to this, this call or this podcast, and I make it mandatory in my group, like, You don't as many podcasts as you can and open your mouth.
Because you never know. And to me to not do that is selfish. That's how far we take it in this group. Like, I'll have a conversation with you and I will convince you in no uncertain terms that there might be a man right now as we sit here, May 31st, 1037 a. m. Right? 2024. There might be someone with a gun in their mouth right now.
And he thinks he's alone. He thinks no one gets him. And he hears one sentence from you. Like I heard one sentence from that stage. He hears one thing from you. And you give him permission to put the gun down and you give him permission to start his [00:17:00] journey. And then he opens his mouth and he gives 1200 men in a room permission to start their journey.
Because the reality is where we sit right now as a nation, as a people, as a world. I mean, we need men right now. We need strong men. We need able bodied men that can actually stand up for what they believe in, that aren't emasculated, that can show up as the King of their four walls. Right. And it's just not happening fast enough.
It's, it's really, really rough out there. So yeah, man, Garrett White said one sentence, which was in a world full of liars. The truth is a declaration of war. It pierced my soul. Like it actually pushed me back in my seat when he said, and there's probably a million things, right? For two and a half days.
We're also brought, I mean, all kinds of speakers, right? It was really powerful, all kinds of messages being thrown from stage. But that one sentence. spoke through me and I'm, I crafted this thing called the truth agreement. Again, I was a lawyer at the time. I thought that was a great idea in addition to trying to open a bunch of businesses.
And so I created a contract with myself on December 12th, 2018 called the truth agreement. And I've never, I [00:18:00] haven't, I love to say I've never told a lie since I haven't intentionally lied since you'd be surprised how difficult it is. To just like cold turkey say I'll never ever ever tell a lie and I could show you again a million different ways how lies show up in every man's life and that's the number one thing that I do when I walk people through reprogramming is is step one is stop lying because if you if you if you lie I can't help you right and I think again most men are so frightened that sentence in a world full of liars the truth is a declaration of war.
Like I lost everybody when I started this truth mission, everybody. But the reality is I lost everybody that I thought I needed around me only to discover who I really needed around me. Right. And so I burnt down, you know, the rule of five, you are, you likely become that, you know, the average of the five people you associate with most.
And so. Imagine as a professional infidelity, a professional cheater for that many years, who do you think I'm associating with? Other husbands that are stepping out on their wives and bragging about it. You know, that's how bad we were. So I started this crazy truth mission and I was instantly like ostracized.
I was a leper, you know, and I felt really bad for [00:19:00] my wife because she had made good friends with these couples wives. And of course we never told their wives what their husbands did. That's not our place. But because I was ostracized because I was speaking so much truth, just whether it was on podcasts or with, you know, I've been on a lot of stages, all that, all that stuff, most men who aren't living in truth don't want anything to do with you.
Because what I've noticed over the five and a half years of just like piercing truth, like from stage and any chance I get, it forces men to kind of face, hold up a mirror and face their own lives. And it's, it really, really will let you know real quick who wants to be anywhere near you. And I get it, but cause some, some men just aren't ready to go down that road.
But it's the most powerful, most powerful thing anybody can do.
Franklin: You know, our wives need to hear the truth because without it, they can't trust us. Yeah. And I think that, you know, my guess would be that they want truth more than they even want love, you know, because like, how can you feel love if you can't feel safe?
And if you can't feel like you can trust somebody and the level of truth that we get to is ultimately the level of trust that they can have in [00:20:00] us. But man, it, You know, for men to sit there and just open up. I don't think that that's naturally. I don't think that's how we're naturally wired. And that's really can be a challenging thing to do for, for any man.
Even if you haven't, you know, gone to extremes, just opening up and being vulnerable is one of the most challenging things. And then doing that with your wife is challenging. But on the other side of that is deeper levels of intimacy, deeper levels of trust and communication And love and respect and in everything that you really want.
It's it's funny how lies part of the lie of a lie is that if I lie, I'm going to continue to get what I really want. And if I if I'm truthful, I'm going to lose everything I want. But the truth is, once you share and once you open all that up, you do set yourself free and you're able to get all the things that you really wanted.
Nick: Yeah, what spoke to me right now when you were saying that is over the years of working with, again, liars for a [00:21:00] living, because that's, that's okay. That's what most men are until they're not. The number one reason that men lie is to close the gap of who they are and who they want to be. Like to them, it's an instant shortcut.
You know what I mean? And so if I lie, Then I get to create this appearance that I'm really this guy and this guy, you know, like, you know, when guys come to my events at first, they're, they're flexing, they're peacocking. It's all ego. I make this much. This is what I'm doing. Yeah, of course. My sex life's on fire.
My wife loves me. Everything's good. And within an hour we crack them open and they're all snot crying and admitting the fact that they're, they've got porn addictions. They some are stepping out on their wife. They have no clue what the love language is. They, They expect all this sex from their wife, but they don't court her.
They don't date her. They don't even know how to respond to the three different babies in three different ways because they rule with an iron fist. And if the three kids don't get it, maybe one, maybe it works on one. It's not working on the others. Their story is the other two are, aren't falling in line.
Right. And so all that to say, like, You're absolutely right. Like when you say women likely want truth more than they want love because truth, you can argue truth is [00:22:00] like the Ross form of love, you know, because it's hard. And, and, and to your point about guys not wanting to be vulnerable, I think that's the number one issue right now.
And so it's almost an oxymoron. When I say we need strong men, we need strong leaders. We need guys who like step up and like get this country back to where it was. It does start with being vulnerable. It starts with sharing some deep dark stuff that you don't want to. It starts with crying in front of your wife.
It starts. Here's the thing I will tell most guys right now. Your wife already knows. Like none of you are that slick. Anything that you think you've been lying about for years and covering up and speaking half truths or omitting truth. Like she knows about 99 percent of all your, all your stuff. It's just time to have that powerful conversation or multiple conversations.
Because to your point, The deeper level of intimacy beyond the lies. Like once you come full truth and you're going to expose some things. And it's going to paint you in a light, but then you're going to be, guess what? A human being that's got some flaws and that's who she married. Like, you know, the craziest thing about, you know, women, [00:23:00] especially in marriages, it's like when they choose a mate and they sit across from you in the aisle, like they don't marry the dude sitting across from them, they marry his potential and, and they have this uncanny ability to like really see this version of you that most men don't even fully realize.
Like in that moment, they could never believe that they're capable of those things. But like, when I say never realized, it never materializes for them because they stopped stepping forward. And that's where, you know, things like infidelity start. That's where divorce rates are so high. Like all these women want on the planet earth is for you to be brutally honest and continue to make strides, even if it's one inch a day towards the version that they, they saw that they see when they were taking those vows.
And so, I don't know, it's crazy because, Most men think vulnerability is a weakness. And again, that's what this country has created. That's what the world's created, but it's, it's a super, it's a superpower. It's an absolute superpower,
Franklin: you know? Yeah. And trust can be, you know, we, we can build things up and think we have a level of trust and to your point that [00:24:00] they know, even if they don't know all the details, like there's an intuitiveness that our wives have that we just don't even understand, let alone have.
And so they do know that, that we're hiding. Every time and that disconnects us and it's us, not them, right? We're the ones energetically pushing away because there's shame and guilt around that and trying to hide and trying to create stories. And but then when you begin to share with them, like they just want to know who we are.
You know, when we're chasing that affirmation or chasing perfectionism, which, which is really challenging. The reality is I don't think our wives want the perfect. Us, they want the full potential that they saw in us to your point too. It's like they're, they're betting on us. And are we going to come through in the end?
And I think we have a responsibility to our wives to strive and to work as hard as we can to be the man that they saw and to give them that and to show up as [00:25:00] that man who wouldn't want to.
Nick: Yeah. I mean, one of the first things we ask our guys, guys will come to me and I want to make more money, bro. I'm like, cool.
When's the last time you had sex with your wife? And some of them are like pushed back a little bit by that. And they're like, well, that seems irrelevant. And I'm like, well, the reality is, and I think you nailed it with energy. Like the energy that you're bringing to your four walls is the same energy you're bringing into your business is the same.
Like it's all connected. And until you get faith, family, and fitness in order, like your financial situation will never change. And like, you know, we have an exercise we do called when dad gets home, he sets the tone. And to speak on energy, like my kids, they've told some crazy stories over the years now that we're wide open with everything and haven't like, they feel like they, you know, I didn't create a safe environment for them to be able to share when they were frustrated with that.
And now that I've been on this, this crazy journey for five and a half years, I had my daughter at my last event, which was really powerful. She's 21. She's a senior in Alabama right now, but all that to say, they'll tell me stories of. They could tell by the way I pulled up my car, close my door, [00:26:00] and the way I turned that handle, which version of dad was walking through that threshold.
And a lot of times they would all scatter like my girls, this was their gig. They would go take a shower because dad needed at least 10, 15 minutes to come home. And if chores weren't done or, or basically decompress my day, but I would puke it all over my family and hold them to some crazy standards.
Cause something, you know, there was some fire at work that needed to be put out. You know, payroll was an issue. All that to say the energy that I walked through my front door with. Like my kids would know it before I even entered the arena and they would really would scatter, you know, and so like little things like just setting an intention and being pregnant.
We talked about do dads even really know how to be present. You know, you say you're there. I'm at the kids game. So I'm at the recital. I'm at the spelling bee. I'm doing the things that no, you're not. You're on your phone. No, you're not. You're mentally checked out. No, you're not. You don't even know that your kids have separate love languages.
No, you're not because you don't actually get down on their level and make eye contact with them and play. No, you're not. Because you didn't like, when you talk about perfection, I know you're in great shape. When we talk about weaponizing the body, [00:27:00] it's not about being jacked bro and lifted heavy things.
It's about working a 14, 15 hour days because you're going to go through those seasons, but being able to come home, leave all of that behind and actually play with those kids for an hour and a half. They don't care that payroll's late. They don't care that the business is on fire and you went backwards this quarter and your KPIs are all out of whack.
They don't know. And you bring that home every single time and it creates such a. One of the scariest things I've I've really dove deep into in the last five and a half years. I'm a neuroscience junkie And so like if anyone's listening and you've got kids age 0 to 7 or 7 to 14 Like they call those the formative years for a reason and like from 0 to 7 your kids brains are in a direct download state It's a theta brainwave state, right?
And so they don't have a filter to discern what comes in everything comes in and it comes in at such a rate They actually absorb data 337 percent faster than we do as adults Which is why kids can learn three languages, play classical piano. [00:28:00] Like they can do all of these things before seven because the neuroscience part of the brain itself is so malleable and the frequency that it's absorbing data allows them to just process things like at such a rate.
So where I'm going with this is. It could be something as simple as coming home and unleashing on your kids because you're having a bad week at the office and you do that six, seven days in a row and you can create worthiness issues. You can create, you know, self esteem issues. Again, am I, am I not enough?
All my dad does is point out when the chores aren't done. All my dad does is point out that I spilled the milk and he loses his mind. And so I must not be good at pouring milk. Right. And it sounds corny and small, but you compound these things when their brain is malleable seven to 14. They're in an alpha state.
Right. So slightly less absorbable than theta can now they, and now they have a filter. Now they got clicks in the middle school, right? Which is where a lot of personality is formed. They've got coaches, they've got mentors, they're probably playing sports, religions involve teachers, right? So they have more of an influence and a little bit of control [00:29:00] over it.
But the reason I use these two years in particular, It's every seven years the body produces a brand new set of cells. And so your program is actually written from age zero to seven. And there's some slight tweaks from seven to fourteen because you go from theta to alpha. Once you hit fourteen and you've been through two copy and pastes of cells, you've got new cells, right?
You literally stay in beta, which is what we're in right now is we have this conversation and beta has its function. Beta is good for focus, but beta is fight or flight, which is why it's good for focus. Beta is for survival reasons. Is there a saber, two tiger that's about to come out of that bush? Like, so unfortunately as adults, we're constantly in survival mode, which is why it's hard to get fully present.
Cause you're constantly what's next. You're easily distracted and you're just in this hyper focus. And that focus can obviously be distracted focus. So all that to say. Once your kids hit 14, and this is what we do for a living, like, you know, I'll take a guy that's 35 years old, you know, 35 divided by 7, he's had 5 copy and paste of a program.[00:30:00]
That unfortunately he actually had no control over. And this is why it's so scary to be a dad. You have to learn these things like. We train our guys and I show them how to get into a theta state to start reprogramming their own subconscious mind. But we really focus on how to show their kids and create patterns of behavior.
Like, I feel every man's mission, besides telling their story and showing up for their wives, is to break, as much as possible, break the generational curse. Because every family's got one. Got some series of things that aren't serving that family anymore. And like, until you do the work, you're just going to repeat, repeat.
They call it the self fulfilling prophecy or the Pygmalion effect. Like a lot of your program, the bulk of it was written by your parents who was written by who's theirs was written by their parents and so on. So these things, they just stay in perpetuity in this bloodline because you haven't done the work.
And most of us, you don't know what you don't know. Even your parents, like it was benevolent, everything they did, they did with, with intention, with love, but they didn't know what they didn't know. And so. If, if the book said, let the kid cry, they let the kid cry. [00:31:00] If they were raised in a very strict scarcity, blue collar home, then they're likely going to enforce that same.
And the thing is, we, we try not to from a conscious standpoint, we're like, I don't want to be anything like my parents. I didn't really like the way I grew up, but you know, and obviously you have moments that you loved, but you try so hard to like sift out the dirt and keep the gold, but the dirt always shows back up because it was, it was programmed into you.
And the conscious mind is only 5 percent of the mind. Which is why affirmations are BS as well. You can't just scream up and down. I'm never going to be like my parents. I'm not going to touch, hit my children. I'm not going to yell. I'm not going to cry over spilled milk. I'm not going to. You know, let them cry and feel abandoned.
You're going to say all these things. You're going to scream them from the mountaintops, but subconsciously you're programmed to do all of those things. And until you go and do the deep work, the subconscious work, like change the neuroplasticity of your brain and create new actual grooves in your brain that create new synapses that form new programs that form new loops, that form new habits that form the new man.
Right. That was the short version. It, nothing, none of this works. And then, and then you get frustrated. It's actually, it's a slippery slope because imagine [00:32:00] waking up every day and screaming in the mirror, I'm not going to be like my parents. And then we've all had those moments where like, Holy crap on them.
You know, it's, it starts to like feel like a losing battle because ultimately scientifically it is. And so you can't just snap your finger and change. It doesn't work that way. Like even when I made that decision on 2012, December 12th, 2018, To never do X again or lie again, we'll just plug it in. Like whatever decision you make in a moment, it takes years to make that a permanent change, to make that your new identity, to actually create at a subconscious level, the change required to change your trajectory, which is why these seminars and all these things are BS if that's all you do, because if you go and you get hype and you get some goosebumps and you write down the cool thing in your journal, 95 percent of people never go review their notes.
That's a fact. They write the cool stuff in the journal. The journal never sees the light of day. I had a professor in law school say, you can't review something you haven't viewed, right? And so it was funny because it stuck with me because the reality is you write it down, [00:33:00] you never even view it again.
So you definitely aren't going to review it. And that's just one small segue of like, why you can't just go get some hype dude from stage to say cool things. Feel some kind of way in a 24 hour period and tell yourself you're going to go home and affect this massive change. And that doesn't work because if that was the case, 1200 guys would be crushing life right now that were in that room with Garrett.
Do I true or not true? You know, and it doesn't just, you know, I was at an RTA then. And I love, I love for selling my lead. I've spoken on stage with my lead 2300 kids in an airplane hangar in Nashville, Tennessee. If it was that easy for them, and they, they spit fire from stage and they had Robert Green who wrote 48 lies of laws of power and they had, I can't remember the other speaker offhand, but all that to say it was very powerful event, but the 2300 people aren't going home and just become an absolute studs.
You know, I mean, here we'd all pay three, four, 500 bucks, go catch a cool seminar. Tony Robbins would have turned out a whole army of just absolutes does now he has over time. They call him the 1 percent for a reason. You know, even, even in our group, like we, it's very, it's difficult to get people [00:34:00] to understand the actual.
Amount of disciplinary action to actually form new behaviors that stick. And it's not as simple, even this podcast, Oh, Nick said something cool about theta age zero to seven. I'm going to learn how to get my, my brain waves into theta. And I'm going to download a new chalk track. Cool. I'll explain how that doesn't, does not work.
And it doesn't, doesn't work if done right. 100%. But are you going to do it? That's the other thing. Someone's driving in their car right now. Listen to this. I hope you're listening. Like, are you going to do the work? Cause there's a pattern of behavior that you've already established over years and years and years.
Some form of self sabotage is going to show up and you won't do the thing. But you say you want the thing, but you won't do the thing required to do the thing. So what are we doing here? Sorry, I can go on a tangent. I go nuts on this stuff. I'm so passionate about changing guys at a subconscious level or it means nothing.
It means nothing. You know what I mean?
Franklin: No, I love it. I've had those experiences where I'm sitting there and I'm thinking, God, where did that come from? Or why do I continue to do this thing? And when we talk about doing the work to, [00:35:00] because I think that's something that's even thrown out and it's like, okay, well, what does that even really mean?
Well, if you look at a behavior today that you Might not like about, you know, that you do, but you're sitting there going, I do this thing. I always do. I always snap this way. Here's a real world example, right? For me, about a month out or two weeks out from going on a trip with my family. I have a panic moment.
It comes out of nowhere. All of a sudden I get like this story in my mind that, Oh my gosh, I'm going to leave and the business is going to fail. Everything's going to be ruined. Like, and it's, it's completely irrational. And I, I continue to do it now. I've done a lot of work on this. That's an example of, well, you know, that probably comes all the way back to something that happened at seven years old or 10 years old.
Right. And so when it's doing the work, it's realizing men that, Like our responses and our reactions [00:36:00] today are simply the natural responses and reactions that were programmed into us subconsciously all the way back when we were little kids and in in order to change those things. And to not just say, well, I'm going to build some new habits, right?
It's like, well, no, you've, you've really got to go excavate and do some digging and, and do some really intentional, internal and deep work to uncover what those things are so that you can heal them at the source and not try to, it's kind of like when you're pulling weeds in your flower bed and you keep pulling the tops off and they keep growing back where you haven't pulled the roots out.
So you have to go back to the beginning and that's the work.
Nick: And, and, you know, I'm sure listeners hearing that are like, well, what does that mean? What does it mean to go do deep work? Like step one. And I hate, I have to be careful with this cause I, we are not about, and I know you're not either. So I'm gonna say we, we are not trying to create professional victims out there.
Well, you know, it's not your fault. It's because your dad did this to you when you were a kid. And so now every time you see that same thing [00:37:00] in a different version, this is your auto response. Cause that's your program. It's not about that, but it's also about. Like step one is becoming the observer. Like we teach our men, like, so I, you know, as you were telling that story, the first thing that came to me was like, well, when did you realize that pattern of behavior?
Because that's where most guys are stuck is they don't even realize they don't have any clue that these patterns are showing up over and over and over. Some of them are three week patterns, three month patterns, three year patterns, but they're there. And until you learn to become the conscious observer and say, Holy crap, the way I'm showing up is not getting me what I want.
How can I show up different? Those are the three words I teach my guys in the first 30 days. Become the observer show up different because this whole game is simple. It's pattern recognition, pattern interrupt, establish new pattern, repeat. That's it. And it's all, that's the game, but step one is pattern recognition.
So I would ask you, do you remember when of the trips you said, Oh my gosh, I'm doing it again. I'm done. Okay. Pattern, pattern recognition. Like what was that moment for you? Yeah, man. [00:38:00]
Franklin: Yeah, I mean, just one, like you say, just realizing that you're doing it to begin with. And then once you realize that there is that pattern, I don't want when you see the pattern, I don't think, or at least for me, I don't automatically understand where does that come from?
That takes some reflection that takes some, some, some work on, you know, really looking back and going, you know, some investigative work, so to speak, and go, where does that come from? But
Nick: that's where you lose most men, right? Okay. You saw a pattern that every time we were about to go on vacation, two, three, four weeks out, I get this panic attack that the business might burn down while I'm gone.
Okay. This has happened multiple times. Where is this coming from? And then what, what do we do? Right? So then you do, you have to, you said reflection, which is my favorite word, because we, we have a whole exercise called man in the mirror. You, we hold up mirrors regularly. We have a thing called our five.
Some of it's for more, it's return report, reflect, realign, repeat. Right? So you got to return and report. But then you got to reflect and say, where on earth is this showing up in my world? And if I can get to the root, which doesn't always happen right away, then I can stuff it out. And it never happens again.
And that's [00:39:00] again, what we teach, what we do for a living, because the same thing that's holding you back in your business from getting to the next level or the next comma in your bank account, it's the same thing that's holding you back in your marriage, holding you back with your, with your kids, holding you back in your fitness.
I know a lot of guys, they get really close. To stepping on stage or doing the iron man or whatever it is, they get really close, but they never see it through. And we have to show them that pattern. Like you're really good at getting about 80 percent to target. And then you shift or you self sabotage or you shiny object syndrome, for whatever reason you pivot and you never quite see things through.
Why is that? And we can, we can start to unpack it all the way back to, again, it, I never thought with what we do, because what we started out to do is we help male entrepreneurs scale and sell their business. And we do that by helping the men get out of their own way. Okay. Cause it's never the business plan.
I could pick apart a business plan in 25 seconds. I can tell you why your marketing sucks. Your sales is inefficient. Your, your client retention is not there. Your lifetime value is not there. Like I can give you all the reasons why your business plan. Is broken and we can fix them quick, but we can't fix the [00:40:00] businessman.
He has to fix himself. And so it's about 80 percent man, 20 percent plan. And that's what no one seems to get. So they go out searching for the new business plan. I need the new marketing strategy, the hack, the sales, the blueprint, the thing, the guru, the network. I just need that one thing and it's game over for me.
No, it's not. And to prove it, we try to lay down in front of all of our guys. The amount of things that we give away in this container is 100 percent to prove my thesis, which is I will lay down at your feet and eight figure blueprint that has proven to get 75 guys to the promised land. And you're gonna, you're gonna, I'm gonna cuss one time on your part, you're gonna shit the bed.
And that's a fact, Jack. And I'm gonna tell you why, it's because you're gonna self sabotage. The whole thing we've built is I want to give you every single answer possible, so that's no longer your story. So you can realize it, it's nothing external, it's all internal. And it doesn't matter what I give you, you will find a way to mess it up.
And they're called the 1% ers for a reason. You're not Hermosy, and that's okay. You're not, I don't know, Frisella, and that's okay. Like all these guys aspire to be like, so they think you. [00:41:00] If I go to her Mosey event, he says the cool thing from stage and he lays out his framework for free all day on social.
He gives you everything he's ever done for free. Why? Because you're not a threat to him because it doesn't matter what he shows you because you're not him and you're not ready to get to the next level. You're just not, you're in your own way. You're not showing up complete at home. You're not showing up for your body.
You're not showing up with God, which is crucial. Like if your face out of order, you're done. You're done. You're completely done. And I don't care who's listening to this. If we say God on this podcast, but if it's the universe Allah, whatever you want to call it, if you're not spiritually connected to something higher than you, what are you doing?
For the longest time? I had the biggest ego on the planet earth. I stepped away from my faith because of all the things that happened to me. Oh, I was homeless. Oh, this and that. Oh, I went to prison for this. Like I'll go on and on. We can tell my backstory. But the point is I was, I was a professional victim.
I'm like, okay, God can't exist. Look at all these things that are happening. But I challenge you to find one human being that's crushing it. That's successful. That doesn't have a closet full of crap that they've dealt with because [00:42:00] that's what breeds strong men. You know what I mean? So like all that to say, I came back about three and a half, four years ago.
Actually when we first started this mission, I didn't use the word faith. I used the word focus. I only wanted to talk about your mental focus and your belief in yourself. Okay. And anyway, I don't want to go down that rabbit hole in this call, but like, I, I just, I can't stress enough how, how big my ego was to think that I was ever in control of anything.
Yeah.
Franklin: Yeah. Very comfortable talking about our faith on, on this podcast. I do it and I try not to like, just overly do it, but you know, I'm very vocal on this podcast. I'm a Christian, believe in Jesus Christ. And so, and I respect anybody else's opinion and how they want to share as well, but yeah, I don't shy away from that as at all.
Nick: I love that. And amen to that. I think sometimes I come across as such a science junkie because I am, there's a really awesome book called the case against Christ read that I have not, but the guy basically sets out to scientifically prove that God does not exist only to get to the end of the rabbit hole and say, Oh my God, it's impossible for him not to exist.
Therefore he exists. That [00:43:00] was, that's kind of a synopsis of my journey over the last like five, six years. So yeah, man, it's, it's just been a crazy ride. Like, so in that order, by the way, faith, family, fitness, then finance. And like everybody's putting money first, especially some of these people listening to maybe not your podcast, but in general, people listening to like self help is like, I just need to, when I become a millionaire then, or when I get my money right, then I'll date my wife, then I'll show up to the kid's game and put the phone down, then I'll, then I'll get back in the gym and get the body.
I always wanted like, no, no, you won't. No, you won't. Yeah. I mean, like the money's not going to fix anything. All money does. It's a magnifier. It literally just, it literally makes you more of who you already are. So if at your core, you're a guy that does everything 80 percent and never sees it across the line, the money's just going to expose that behavior because now you can do it on a grander scale because you've got a little more leverage and it's always easy come, easy go.
If you don't actually get your core values in alignment with your ability to earn, you'll piss that money away just as fast as you made it. Like all the guys that crushed it when real estate was as like, It was like, I mean, there was even a five years ago where you could do, or you could open up a refi business.
And it was like [00:44:00] club and baby seals. You could, everyone was making money, you know, and then Oh, eight hit. And then we saw who the real salesmen were. And then right now you're starting to see in real estate, who are the real killers, who's the guys that are really good at this and live this life? Because sometimes the conditions of the market.
Allow people to look amazing, awesome. And then they create their own superhero stories that they are amazing and awesome. And then they get exposed. And if we go back to, and I don't know if I said this on this one or the last, but if you don't constantly create conditions to expose yourself, the world will expose you.
Why would you not want to be in control of that behavior? Like I'm just going to, you know how many times I put myself in precarious situations with my own group, who, by the way, I'm supposed to be like the fearless leader and have it all figured out. Which I never preached from an ivory tower. I will create, for example, I'm 240 pounds.
As we do this podcast, I'll go run a 5k with my group just to get absolutely destroyed. Why not? Okay. So what we're learning is Nick's 43 years old. He's 240 pounds. Does that serve him anymore? Does it serve him to be the big old guy that lifts heavy things? If a pit bull gets over that fence, I have to break his neck.
I [00:45:00] can't outrun him. Right? So I have to start thinking. So you just create these conditions and you have to, you know, there's a, there's a big word out there called allodoxophobia, which I, I, Bradley told me this one, and it's the fear of judgment from others. And so often we're like, dude, I don't care.
Everything you could ever find out about me is online. I'll tell you about it. I don't, that's just, this is my journey. You want to come watch? Great. I encourage you to go on your own. You're going to watch me mess up left, right, and center. I'll tell you right now, this is the least amount of money I've ever made in my life.
This has been the hardest mission I've ever put together. This, this passion project called The Program. Because it is so purpose driven and faith driven and mission driven. It is not money driven and I've proved I could do the money thing. I had two eight figure companies, but I was miserable, miserable.
Now I make less money than ever, but I fly out of bed every day. Because helping other and oh, by the way, we've actually created, I've helped create more wealth in the marketplace than I've ever done as a solo entrepreneur. But I'm doing it for other people now, like that's my journey. I know what I'm called to do is just help other dudes [00:46:00] win and I'll win by proximity vicariously.
I, my win, like their wins are my win. That's cool. I love that. Let's just show them how to be better dudes. And if we get more dudes showing up being better dudes and we start to butterfly effect this thing. And one guy is in Atlanta and he's now teaching people all the stuff that we taught him. One guy's in St.
George, Utah doing it. Like we have a guy in Greenville, South Carolina, Nashville, Tennessee, of course, where I am. We've got little pockets everywhere of people learning how to live this way and show up different and show up powerful and show up as the men that this country needs, that their wives need, that they need for themselves.
And that's my story. That's okay. And maybe, maybe I never see those, those peaks again of financial success. But I would ask, I would ask anybody listen to this. Are you okay with that? Because my man has your story completely mapped out and maybe your story is you're supposed to make 116, 422. 19 for the rest of your life.
And that's scary in today's times. But you learn how to live in a way that you can parlay it into a real estate deal over here. You can, you can, you can pay for your kids to go to college, whatever it is, you find a way to make that [00:47:00] work because your story isn't about making bank, bro. Your story is supposed to be, how the heck do I make a debt on this world?
How do I put impact over income and let my man take care of the money? And people are scared, scared to death to play that game. It is the most powerful thing on the planet. Like I don't need someone to look at my bank account and say, Nick's awesome or not. If that's how you judge, like, it's cool. We're probably not supposed to be friends anyway.
I'm cool with that. Once you go talk to the 150 dudes who have cried in front of me about how their lives have changed. Not because I'm cool, because this thing that we've built is working. And I'm going to keep screaming it from the mountaintops until, until I die. Cause that's what I'm supposed to do.
Like when you step into your calling, if you get a chance to write down this word, and if you're driving, you can't write this down, write down the word calling on a piece of paper. Now drop the C and the G right in the middle is all in. Like once you figure out what you're supposed to do for the rest of your life, you don't have a choice.
You don't get to half step. I literally burnt down the law firm, burnt down my debt collection practice. Why? Cause they lacked integrity and they were full of lies. I think every lawyer on the planet earth is a liar. At one point or another, to be objectively successful as an [00:48:00] attorney, you're hiding evidence, omitting things, not letting your client take the stand so they don't say the wrong thing.
You're crafting a story that fits the narrative that allows your client to have the best chance of success, even if it has false truths, half truths, no truth at all. That is the definition of a good lawyer, quote unquote, objectively. It's disgusting. So I walked away from being a lawyer, debt collection, do the math, just think real hard.
Come on, debt collectors probably have a worse stigma than used car salesmen. I mean, absolute bottom of the barrel. No one has ever said, man, this debt collector called me and a real nice guy, core values were really in alignment. And we spoke about God. I had a really good conversation. He really helped me today.
No, like no one's ever said that. So I had to walk away from debt collection as well. Again, can you do both of those things in full integrity? Possibly. I didn't see a path forward that I appreciated. And so this is where, and this will come off like self serving. I don't know that anybody could convince me otherwise, because until you've burnt down seven figures of passive money to chase your calling and go tell your kids, have that conversation with your kids.
Hey, dad's taking [00:49:00] the superhero Cape off. And oh, by the way, when you, when I say your wife knows your kids know, they know dad's miserable. They know dad's obsessed with money. They know it's more important that dad goes outside and is 8 percent body fat and has veins and abs. They know that's more important to him than sitting and playing with his kids because that's how I've shown up for them.
So when I thought I was taking off the super superhero cape off and saying, Hey guys, this quality of life that we've established, it's going to take a huge hit. Cause dad had a moral epiphany. One guy said something from stage, dad created a truth agreement. Dad's never going to lie again, which means I'm walking away from collections.
I'm walking away from my law firm. I don't, I have no clue how we're going to sustain, but I have a plan. I have an exit strategy and I'm going to pivot, but it's going to hurt. Have that conversation with your babies. And say, I don't know if we can afford college. I don't know if you can drive the cool car anymore.
I don't know about that trip to Paris. I don't know about the private lessons. I don't know. I don't know, but I had a conversation with my man upstairs and this is what I'm supposed to do for the rest of my life. Yeah. Anyway, you know how I get, but you can't do you'll never convince me like add another zero to my bank [00:50:00] account or help some other dude change his fucking life.
Sorry. I cuss. So I cuss when I get passionate. Yeah. There's no way. Anyway, I think every man, if I could do anything for any man on this planet earth is to figure out what he's supposed to do for the rest of his life and then wake up every day and do that thing. And if you make money, great. And if you can support your wife and kids and just, just make just enough to get by, but do that thing in a full purpose and full integrity every day, then that's what you're supposed to do.
The end. It's not about you. It's never been about you. How many people can you help? Otherwise, go back to bed till you figure it out, man.
Franklin: It's all that needs to be said. Yeah, I see your kids. You know, you talk about taking that cape off. And from my perspective, I think your kids probably finally saw you put it on for what they really want.
They really need. And that's just needed for more men or men to show up as the superhero, the real superhero. Yeah.
Nick: Not, not your version. And we're still married to a [00:51:00] story of what we think that, yeah, the hero is,
Franklin: and we're still trying to prove our worth. Cause our parents did this or that, or teacher said this or that.
And your, your kids don't, need you to prove your worth to them. They just need you to show up and love them and be there for them. And your wife needs the same thing. And when you set your, your career ambitions and the car you're going to drive, and you burn down a seven figure business that takes, I don't know, there's probably not one in a million who would be willing to do that.
Right. But when you make that kind of sacrifice in order to step into your calling and purpose, and then you get to model that kind of behavior and that kind of commitment to your children, that's the kind of man that people will get behind, right? That's the kind of man that I think most of our wives want.
One who is, who, who is living based on his principles and his values. Right. His integrity to me. And I appreciate you sharing that. That's [00:52:00] so powerful.
Nick: I appreciate you. I think on, on that subject, I think most men, if you just had like, again, I'm a firm believer that the quality of our life is directly related to the quality of questions we're willing to ask ourselves.
And if you were to ask a man right now, what are your core values? And most men would be like, right. You know, and if you don't even know at your core what you value and you're not making every decision in your life according to those values and you don't have three to five, this isn't like a big laundry list.
You should most people can get it down to like five core things. It's difficult. Like, you know, another thing we teach is getting your core values so clear on them and then creating and having your family core values that like are posted. So like now imagine like my kids are teenagers now, right? Well, now I have 21, so I have one teenager left.
But imagine setting them out into the world and knowing that their guidepost for every decision is, is this in alignment with my core values? Right. So truth is one of ours. Integrity is one of ours. Leadership, work ethic and service of others. Those are our five. Right. And so like you just ask yourself, I'm about to make a big [00:53:00] decision.
Does it align with my core values? And if the answer is no, it's just, it's a no brainer. It's a non negotiable and creating that guidepost for your babies. It's not a difficult thing to do. And especially if they're old enough to take part in this. And I would argue like even seven years old is old enough to have a say in what the family core value should be.
Right. And create, create some artwork, create a crest, put it up somewhere in the house and just constantly remind them because you know, all we can do, I've got two older girls. I have a girl that's in a sorority at Alabama, right? Go roll tide, right? Pretty scary place to send, send a kid if you didn't prepare her for the world, she's gonna, she's seen it all, you know, and all you can do is just know that you, you, you did what you could while you had them in your four walls and go put them out in the real world.
And I just, I feel like, you know, it's, again, it's our responsibility to create these, these. Metrics these guideposts for them to like judge every decision by or make decisions by but anyway That's just a little blurb on core values because you spoke about that
Franklin: Well, it all comes if you as you say it all comes down to responsibility and men who will take responsibility for Doing the work for questioning [00:54:00] where they are for asking themselves hard questions for telling the truth For pursuing their god given purpose and not just a dollar Like all these things showing up as a great husband, a great father, no one's going to do it for us.
We have to take responsibility for it. And if there's, if we're self sabotaging, if we have that thing that keeps showing up, it's also our responsibility, even though we might, it, even though we might, might not be our fault, what we went through. But it's still our responsibility as men to deal with it today.
Because if we don't, our kids and our wife and our family ends up paying that price.
Nick: And that's why we start with awareness. Because once I teach you how to become the observer and you're aware, right? Now you know. And once you know, instantly your responsibility to do something about it. Cause you can only play the, I don't know what I don't know card so many times and then you need to get to work and start to know, start to know some things about yourself, start to recognize patterns.
Cause the thing is, if we, if we, we boil this all down to trauma, one thing I like to always try to get out that is crucial for guys to [00:55:00] understand is trauma is either transformed or it's transmitted. And so many of us are fearful of the deep work, don't want to recognize these, these traumas in ourselves.
And again, I'm not creating professional victims, but once you recognize some things that have created trauma that are now showing up for your kids, for your wife, for your business partner, for your relationships outside of your four walls. And you don't do anything about it, shame on you, you are transmitting that behavior.
And then that gets programmed in someone else. And then on and on it goes. And this is how the generational cycles continue to stay the same, like likely don't change.
Franklin: Nick,
Nick: I really appreciate you today.
Franklin: I really appreciate you today. This has been a really powerful conversation. I know this is going to hit some men pretty hard.
I'd recommend any man listening to this one, go back and re listen to it. Because Nick just shared so, so much wisdom and so much perspective that you won't get on the first round. Man, I appreciate what you're doing for men. I'm glad to know you, value you, and I know [00:56:00] that this will serve, serve some families in a really powerful way.
And so I'm just very, very grateful for your time today coming on.
Nick: I appreciate you, brother. Thank you for everything.
Franklin: How could, uh, someone connect with you if they, if they resonated with what you said today?
Nick: Reprogram. ai So that's R E, Reprogram. ai Um, The Nick Alfano, so T H E, Nick Alfano on most of the socials.
Yeah, I'm pretty easy, man. I mean, if they mention that they came from this podcast, like, I'll, I'll try and make some time for them. You know, sometimes, you know, like all of us, we get busy. This thing's definitely growing, and I promise if you, if you want to unpack something, I won't park you with a coach if you mention.
My man Franklin Swan. So if you, if you came from this podcast and you mentioned it and somehow you get a, you know, those methods, you get ahold of me, like we'll, we'll park some time and unpack some things. Cause that's, that's what I'm supposed to do. That's the answer. So,
Franklin: well, I hope we get to connect some men to you.
We'll certainly put your info in the show notes. And go check out Nick. He's got a lot of info out there and run some really awesome events. And so Nick, thank you again, [00:57:00] man. I sure appreciate it. I appreciate you, brother.
Nick: Thank
Franklin: you.
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