Franklin: [00:00:00] Right now, the world needs great men who will stand up and lead with honor, serve with purpose and courageously fulfill their God given roles as husbands, fathers, leaders, and men. I'm your host, Franklin Swan, bringing you practical tools and powerful conversations you can use every day to build yourself into the man God is calling you to be.
This is the world needs men. Let's go. Welcome back to the world needs men podcast. I am super excited to introduce my guest today, Ruel Velazquez. He is a businessman, family man, coach and consultant, podcast host. He's a TEDx presenter featured in multiple publications, including Forbes, Time, Wall Street Journal.
I think the biggest thing, he's a man of faith who is on a journey to, to really share his [00:01:00] story and in an attempt and on a mission. to help other men level up as better husbands, better fathers. I got to hear him for the first time on stage a couple of years ago in an event. and made an impact on me and I followed along and watched, kind of watched his journey and really just gained a lot of value from, from listening to his podcast and hearing his story and just super excited to roll to, to have you on the show today and just appreciate your time.
Raul: Oh, thank you. for having me, Franklin. I think this is going to be a great conversation. We started with prayer and it's not about you or me, man. It's what God could do through us. So let's get started.
Franklin: Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, I guess, you know, start off introducing, you know, who you are and kind of tell a little bit about your story and so that our listeners can, uh, can kind of get a, get a feel for what you're all about.
Raul: Awesome. Awesome. So my background now, frankly, is in, is in real estate. I became a real estate broker when I was 21 years old, bought my first property, started flipping properties, man. I thought I was, I thought I made it, you know, I had more money than I could, I could [00:02:00] ever dreamed of before I hit 30. But then you know what happened in 2008.
The market crash, I was over leveraged, had too many, um, aspirations to be the next big developer and, uh, it's, it's just, just lost millions of dollars. And I think that probably was looking back the best thing that happened to me because had that not happened, I wouldn't be able to, to be in the journey that I'm in right now.
So 2008 when the market crashed and I couldn't pay for my mortgage, I couldn't pay for my office. I started asking myself, Like why the God do this to me, right? I had the victim mentality, you know, as I started to go into this dark path, but I started to get into the personal development world. I believe before that, but coaching was bullshit.
People who need a coach were weak men, motivation, you know, didn't, didn't exist for me. I was self motivated, but then I found myself depressed, unmotivated, and I started watching Videos listening back then to CDs, you know, I don't know how old the audience is, [00:03:00] but see these tapes. When we listen to the tapes, Tony Robbins, all this, all these people that I, and I heard some speaker, I don't know if it was Tony or somebody said in moments of chaos, there's always opportunities, frankly, and that resonated with me because I was in the middle of chaos.
I had people who depended on me. I had brokers, I had employees, but I couldn't figure out my next move. But in that moment, I started looking for opportunities. I started looking for the opportunities in the middle of chaos. And I got an email from a guy who was doing a webinar back then, and he started talking about investing in, distress assets, uh, and buying this properties who were being foreclosed on, but, you know, helping the people who are underwater.
And that's what I started to, to get involved in. And I became one of the biggest, uh, vendors here in the Northeast for Fannie Mae, for West Fargo, for all the major banks, major institutions that we've managed thousands of properties for them. And we were able to turn the company around within months. So, uh, that's, that's my background in real estate, but, you know, as you know, You know, [00:04:00] nothing is easy, right?
Nothing comes easy.
Franklin: No, no. And looking back a little bit further, like I was doing, you know, just kind of reading up on you a little bit. So you actually came to the U. S. from Ecuador when you were 11. Yeah. What was childhood like just growing up for
Raul: you? You know, I, I think for me, that's why I have the entrepreneur spirit because I came to this country because my parents had a vision that my parents had a dream.
You know, I was 11 years old and when we came here, I thought, man, this country was the best country in the world, man. They had, they had all this, they, this freedom, the opportunities. So my parents always stilled in me. Like we are blessed to be here, like, because before that I was without my mom and my dad for three to four years because they came here to work.
They were immigrants. They lived in the Bronx. They lived in Brooklyn. They lived in Queens. And then once they started to find better neighborhoods, they ended up in Connecticut. If I would have ended up in the Bronx, it would have been a different story. Frankly, it would have been Raul from the Bronx. It would have been [00:05:00] an all different story.
But thank God they found Connecticut. They brought my brother and me here. And it was, you know, in Connecticut, we're like one out of seven Latin families, you know, and we grew up in the, you know, In school. And I thought it was, I thought it was special being bilingual. I never felt prejudice. I never felt like people were after me.
I just always felt like being, uh, Latin being Hispanic was a superpower. So I use that in my mentality for my business. I use that in my mentality when I, I was going through high school. I never felt like I was less than.
Franklin: Sounds like you had, uh, parents who instilled in you this belief, one, a gratitude for, for the opportunities that existed in a, in a belief that in yourself, that you could go out and make something of those opportunities.
Raul: Working like they had two, three jobs. And I was just talking to my, my son the other day. I said the biggest thing my parents did is give me the work ethic, because I remember leaving the school and going with 'em [00:06:00] to clean offices in these buildings, right? So my dream, I said, I, I, I'm gonna own a building.
One day I'm gonna, I'm gonna work one this offices, one day I'm gonna do something big with my life. So they, they planted the seed that yes, I could work hard, but I don't have to stay here. And it's my choice because they always say, are you going to do better than us? You're going to, you're going to be better than us.
So then that could be also pressure because as a, as a firstborn, like there's a, this pressure that goes with it. But I feel like with the right person that could be also be a good opportunity for
Franklin: you to thrive. Yeah. So they kind of give you that entrepreneurial spirit, you get into real estate at 21 and from there, just begin to build your business and, and then you hit that 08 timeframe, like, what was the journey like as you shifted and you kind of sat there with, with just the world changing very quickly that you went on?
in order to figure out, you know, how do I, how do I not go through this level of pain and loss again?
Raul: So the beautiful thing about being an immigrant, [00:07:00] frankly, is that we, we start from nothing, right? So I came into this country, we have, you know, five families living in a two bedroom apartment, right? So here I am, you know, in a 6, 000 square foot house that's worth a million dollars and I can't pay for the mortgage, right?
So I, I didn't have any pride of going back to like a one bedroom studio if I had to, right? So I had that hard conversation with my wife. I said, we're going to have to let go of the house, but to let go of the car. So I need to know whether you're with me because of the money or you're with me to build something.
And that was my fear. The reason that I kept on trying to keep up with the Jones is because I was afraid of what was going to, I was going to look like to my wife, to my kids, to my family. The moment that I had no money, the moment that the money ran out, then I had to get rid of myself. So my wife said at that moment, she said, I will live under a bridge if I had to.
So I believe that God puts us with the right partners because I needed to hear that. At that moment, that gave me the fire, frankly, for me to go out there and figure things out. That's when I said, I'm not going to stay there. So we ended up not foreclosing [00:08:00] on the property. We ended up turning everything around, but because I had that fire, that somebody believed in me, that somebody said, Hey, I don't care about the house.
I will live under a bridge too, if I have to, but it's not going to be forever. That's the key. Yeah. She knew I'm going to figure this out eventually. So in 2008, it took me six months to probably a year to figure things out economically. But then I started operating from that place of scarcity, frankly, because I was making money.
I was even making more money than before, but then I, I was afraid of losing it again. I was afraid of going back into the same pattern. So after doing it for about four or five years, we became one of the biggest companies in real estate here in the Northeast. I started to sabotage my, my business and my health and my marriage.
I started drinking every single night. I started, I had this pain in my stomach. I don't know if you ever had those deep pains in your stomach. You don't want to get up because you're not sleeping right. And that's, that's when I went to what I call the tunnel. The tunnel is when a man loses his purpose.[00:09:00]
The tunnel is when a man loses himself. Imagine I, from the beginning, I started a business to impact people's lives. I wanted to make the market into a better place. I had over a hundred agents that worked for me at one time. So I was always trying to inspire them. I was always trying to guide them. The market crash went from a hundred to.
10. And then those 10, we started just, we did more business than we did with a hundred. But here's the thing. We were in the business of taking over the properties of people. So I saw people at the lowest moment of their lives. So who do you think they were blaming for the situation? Yeah. So I had death threats come into my house.
I had emails. I was like, I, you know, I wish you die. You kids die because they thought I'm like, they thought I was the bank, even though I was only represented the bank. I was not going to knock on the doors. So I was taking on that. I will say the bad energy, the bad karma. And I heard somebody say, it's not how you make your money.
That counts. It's not how much money you make. That counts as how you make [00:10:00] your money. So I was making money. It was justifying doing it because, well, if I don't take over this properties, I'm going to be the next one in the street, right? So I came to a point that I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't do it anymore.
It was just not, I wasn't in alignment. I was doing it for the money. I wasn't doing it because it was fulfilling me. I wasn't impacting anybody's life. I was only making the bank's money. You know, the way I look at it, I was just surviving. I wasn't building a business that was going to last. So that's when I went through this journey of personal development and trying to find my purpose.
You know, what is my purpose? And, and I started putting events together and workshops event at the beginning, it started as a way to raise capital because I knew that the next 10 years, I mean, this is 2013, we already went to the worst. So I thought if I could just get a bunch of people together, we're putting some money together.
And we could just. Man, double down on the market because I already had the knowledge from the financial institutions, what they were already analyzing. So I knew that the next 10 years was going to be a run, that whatever you do in [00:11:00] real estate, you're going to make money. It doesn't matter what you buy.
The next 10 years, if you bought something, you win a double, triple, quadruple your money. Right. So that was the game plan, but God had different plans for me because, because what happened in the first event really
Franklin: changed everything for me. It's interesting how I think in business, you know, we get out of school, we start our career and it can be really easy to think, Oh, I'll just put everything into the business and everything into my career and the company.
And my marriage, my family, my, my purpose, my faith, my health, that'll all just work itself out. Or I can deal with that later on. Like, how did you see that supporting you during that like downtime, but also something that you had to, to really refocus on and go, well, you know, the business isn't going to carry all of that.
And to your point, you know, you, you were sitting there making more money than ever. And yet felt more of a lack of purpose than ever.
Raul: So in my twenties, I focus only on making money. In my thirties, I focus on building what I lost. [00:12:00] So I had this idea that people who work out of the gym, they're just morons because they, they, they, they're wasting time.
They should be making money, right? So I'll take care of my body. I'll take care of myself when I make, when I become a billionaire. So that was my mentality. Like once I make money, I'll take care of myself. But the reality is that the older you get, the less energy you have. So because I wasn't taking care of myself, then my body was giving me feedback.
Then I, then I put alcohol behind it. So it was a lower level of state. Then I started blaming God. Then I started having a, a question and whether God exists or not. So then it has started to having, you know, suicidal thoughts. So the darker, Thoughts you have is because you don't have a solid foundation.
So I didn't have a solid foundation, even though I was making money, everything else, my health wasn't taken care of. I was just getting by with my relationship with my wife and I wasn't taking care of our connection with God. So all those, all the areas were weighing me down and I just focus in one area.
That wasn't fulfilling me.
Franklin: That victim mentality, you work with a lot of [00:13:00] men and I'm curious what you see, how many men that show up and, and they're obviously showing up because there's some element or part of their life that's not working the way they want and they're looking for, for coaching and guidance.
How many men have to eradicate that victim mentality that I think is so easy to get inside of us?
Raul: So there is a belief that the more money you have, it's going to solve all your problems, right? But I believe money doesn't solve your problems, it just expands current problems that you have right now. So I coach more men that have more money than, than even I, that I have, or, or the average person has because they're not satisfied with where they are in life.
Like the worst place to be is to have a money in the bank, but not be fulfilled. Success without fulfillment is ultimate failure. And that's what I was. That's where this man could resonate with me because I understand what it's like to like, man, from the outside, we look good with, we, we look like we have it all, but the inside we're full of fear, insecurities, [00:14:00] doubt.
And at the end, what is the purpose? There's a crisis right now. Men lack purpose. purpose. And if you lack purpose, then you lack faith. If you lack faith and you lack certainty, if you lack certainty, anything in the world could influence you. So that's what I'm seeing right now. More men, there's a weak men's crisis right now.
And the reason that most men are weak is because they're not living their purpose. They're not following because it's easy, Franklin, just to focus on our business and to make money. It's easy just to go down this path and just chase, chase, chase, chase. It's hard to actually start looking at, okay, what is my legacy?
What I want to teach my kids. And this morning, my wife just sent me a text. My son is 18, he's turning 19 at the end of the year. I've been teaching him meditation ever since he was five, six years old. But he's never actually got it in a way that I wish he would've gotten it, right. Mm-Hmm. . So, but he always saw me meditate, pray.
He always saw what I, what I like the ritual. When you saw me speak, I've been doing this for the past 12 years, frankly. All right? So I taught my son that ritual, that [00:15:00] process, right? And it is not until this week, I, I'm getting goosebumps as I'm telling you this idea this week, I saw him go out there and do it.
on his own this week. So sometimes we feel like, man, I'm, I'm not making a difference, man. I'm not doing it. My son now his whole life is going to be changed because at 18 years old, he's learned what it took me four decades for me to learn. So if I, if I've done all this just to impact my son, man, I've won.
I've won. That's all. I don't have to do anything else. But, you know, by going back into when, when I started this and I thought it was basically on a, on a level of business, my first event, I broke down in this stage, telling people my alcohol addiction, my insecurities, my fear. And I don't know why I did that.
Frankly, I just said like, man, I feel like a fraud. I'm here on the stage, you guys came to see me speak and I feel like a fraud. I was trying to imitate Tony Robbins. I was like the Latin Tony. People were like, man, you're so awesome. You have so much great energy. You're like the Latin Tony. I said, fuck, I don't [00:16:00] want to be the Latin Tony.
And that actually in the past probably would have felt proud. But this time I felt like a fraud. And what I didn't know then is that that's when God was using my darkest moments to create an impact. Because that event just gave me feedback that people are not looking for business advice. They're not looking for investment advice.
They're looking for breakthrough. They want to see another man break through the darkest moments in their lives. And I believe the personal development right now, 80 percent of personal development is catered to women. 80 percent is catered to, you know, the people who just want to be entertained. And there's very little help for men.
Where do men go who, in order for them to, to go through a rite of passage, where do men go to actually talk about the real things that are going on in their lives? And that's what I've done the last eight years that I've been in this journey is really finding men that have what I call the edge. What is the edge, the energy, the discipline to be guided to execute.
And I believe that [00:17:00] 1 percent of the population of men have the edge, but if we could actually help the other men find their edge and the other side is purpose, because it's impossible for men to have the edge and not have purpose. So that's the mission I'm in. I'm having the mission of helping men find the edge so they could live with purpose because once they live with purpose.
then they can actually heal the people around them.
Franklin: I think you and I have both experienced the, uh, the events where you go there and that you get, they get you really hyped up and you get all excited, but then you go home and then everything just kind of begins to just kind of go back to normal. And you didn't really learn anything practical that you could use to begin to really transform your life and take ownership of where you're at.
And I think you are so right in that men need that right of passage. They need someone to show them because. We're just not being taught growing up. And then when we get isolated as men, too, I think that that is probably what's tearing a [00:18:00] lot of men apart inside is they just don't have another man that they can go to and be real with.
And, And share the dark stuff that he needs to share in order to just know that he's not alone and not the only one fighting the battle,
Raul: you know, frankly, when I walk into rooms with guys who, you know, billionaires, you know, who have all these companies and I tell them the realists, they, the most powerful men in the room is not the one who has the most money.
It's not the one who has the most fame. It's not the one who has the most accolades. It's the man who has nothing to hide. Because if you have nothing to hide, you can walk into any room knowing that, that, that who you are. And I see that men have become experts at hiding. And we want to hide and we want to pretend.
We want to just, you know, show a certain way of ourselves. But the reality is that the moment that you have nothing to hide, that you own the room, you could have certainty. We talked about like when you saw me in the stage, when you will gravitate to the certainty, and because I build myself up every single day, Franklin, every single day I tap into my insecurities.
I tap into that, [00:19:00] that version of me that feels like a fraud. 'cause I still feel like a fraud. I still feel like I'm not good enough. I still feel like, man, I'm not even up to the potential that guy has for me. That's human. We all are not going to feel like everybody is hoping and wishing that, man, once, when is this feeling going to go away?
When is my fear going to go away? It's never, it's never going to go away. It's there to show you that you're human. It's there to show you that you need God in your life. It's there to show you that, yes, you're not good enough, but through grace, You're more than enough through grace. God could do more than what could even imagine.
So that's my battle, frankly, every single day, let go of the human side of Raul, who thinks what he could do, what he wants to do and allow God to work through me and I want to become a conduit. So the less people hear Raul, the more they hear of what they need to hear from God and, and that's my job. And that's, you know, a never ending journey.
Franklin: So when did faith become a significant part of your life? Were you raised in faith from early on or did it [00:20:00] come later on? So
Raul: I was raised in a Seventh day Adventist church. I don't know if you know about Seventh day Adventists. Very strict. And I used to hate going to church because it was so strict.
Saturday or my friends were having fun Saturday, so I couldn't even watch TV from Friday night to Saturday night. But now looking back, it was great conditioning to know that I have to at least rest one day. I love the fact that they, they taught us that, you know, God built the world in seven days and he rests on the seventh day.
So that told me that I needed to at least have one day of connection with God. But after I went through my journey and I started to go into this, I seek help from the church. The problem is that the church wasn't equipped. You know, to help men, right? They all pray, pray, read the Bible. And like, man, I need some practical things.
I need, I need something. Like, I don't, I know there's something going on with me. I didn't know it then, but now I know that I was going through a midlife crisis, which now I don't see it as a crisis. I see it as an opportunity, as a rite of passage. [00:21:00] When most men are going to his middle of crisis, people think, Oh, let me, let me give you some medicine.
You know, let me like, no, you have to feel the pain. You have to go to this dark place. It's like, this is the rite of passage that men need to go through in order for them to become what I call the king. A king is a man who has purpose. A king is a man who takes care of his body, his being, his business and his bonds.
So God has always played a big role in my life. It's just different relationships. different stages. It's funny because I started going, I haven't been in church in a decade. Uh, frankly, ever since I left the Seventh day Adventist Church, I have been going to church. I started going to church three or four months ago, and my kids have grew up in a private school, Catholic private school.
They see me pray every morning, but they've never, we've never gone to church. But if you talk to my kids, they are believers, they believe in God, they pray. So we always had a faith foundation at home. We just didn't have a church home. Now that we are seeing this church, I feel I'm going to church Not to take, but to [00:22:00] give.
I'm not going to church empty. And that was a mistake that I did for many years. I went to church empty and yes, if you're empty, you have to go to church and you have to seek and you have to receive, but don't stay there. If you get the blessings, you got to be full and you have to recycle the energy. So it's been a blessing that I'm, I'm, I'm back to church now.
And it's funny because the past, I said to the pastor, check out what I asked me to be in a leadership role. I said, check out my content before you ask me. All right. No, no. Yeah. You're good. I said, all right. Come to one of my events just to make sure he came to one of my events. I take somebody and say, do I still have a church?
He goes, Oh, you're good, man. You're good. Because I, as you know, I curse a lot. And you know, our, our content is really. But
Franklin: it's real and that's what men are looking for. And it's not plastic and fake and it's, you know, it's from the heart and it's not you just listing out all the wins. It's saying, no, here's all the losses and that's what connects.
And that's what, you know, I think that's what it takes for men to build trust in another man. It's like when you'll show me your dark [00:23:00] side and when you'll, when you'll share the tough stuff you've gone through, whether you're in it right now or you've overcome it. Like, that's the kind of man I want to be like really good friends with because I know I can trust him.
Raul: You know, and frankly, that's a challenge that men are going through. They are afraid of their darkness. And even in church that they know they're afraid of the dark. Don't talk about the darkness. Don't talk about sin. That's like, no, I, I tend to believe that you have to have a relationship where you dark side, but that's when God could actually intervene and help you not to be controlled by your darkness.
Your darkness is there. Actually your dark side could help you push, you know, your, your business and the actions that you take. I think that a lot of Christians, we become passive. We become passive and we tolerate certain things. And we become very tolerant that we just say, everybody kumbaya, let's hold hands and sing kumbaya.
And we don't have that tenacity to go out there and say, Hey man, this is what I believe in. This is what I stand [00:24:00] for. This is what I think that, you know, in my household, we serve God, in my household we serve the Lord, no matter what you think, what people say, like, I'm here for standing for something.
Franklin: You know, I know my experience has been that, you know, there is that dark side that can be used.
And then there's also that dark stuff that God comes in. And for my experience, he has ripped it out very painfully. And I think he's done that intentionally in order to make sure that I don't go back to it. And so, you know, whether men have addictions or sedation or whatever it is like those things are that dark stuff that's got to be ripped out.
And then the good dark side is that that dark side I could tap into if someone broke into my house and threatened my family, the good side. So it's what is that good, that darkness used for? Is it destructive or is it, is it righteous anger or, or something that's going to be for the greater good?
Raul: So, you know, I, I believe a lot of men who have coached, [00:25:00] they've sedated that version of themselves.
So they don't want to feel angry. They don't want to feel aggressive because the whole culture has told them that that's wrong. Right? So what happens is that that version of ourselves is doing pushups in the back, right? So we don't, we don't get rid of it. We just put in a corner. And when does he come out?
When we're drunk, we don't have control. We snap, we flip, and then he comes back and he's been doing pushups. So he comes back stronger and does more damage as if you build a daily relationship. So he could serve you as opposed to you serve that version of yourself. Because anger could be good if you use it, like be angry at your situation.
If you're broke, you gotta be angry situation, do something about it, get a second job, sharpen your skills, do something. But waiting for God to provide for you is not the answer either.
Franklin: I'd love for you to talk a little bit almost more tactically because one of my desires for this podcast is it's something that men can listen to and [00:26:00] actually take something away in and utilize it in their lives.
So I think you're right. It's either we're doing pushups and or running miles on end or lifting or whatever, or we're. We're drinking it away. And then that just kind of unleashes that thing. And so what's, what's a really practical way that men can begin to not just manage, but really have a healthy relationship with that side that I believe God placed in us for a purpose, but also just ends up coming out at the wrong time and hurting people we love.
I'll
Raul: tell you how I was able to get rid of my drinking addiction and stop drinking every single day. Mainly I was in pain. So I was drinking to sedate my pain. But here's what I started doing. I started focusing on changing my state. Okay. I realized that I was making decisions when I was stressed. I was making this when I was in pain, right?
So if, if you could name that version of yourself when you are in the shitty state. Right. That's like what I call the peasant mentality, right? [00:27:00] So what's the name of the peasant mentality that you have? And then when you make a decision, well, that's who you are. That's why you acting. Right. So then named out a version of yourself that has that anger, that is what I call the dark warrior, right?
That the one that wants to burn shit to the ground. So name that version of yourself. So that version of you, that's the dark warrior, like, so, so when you start naming those versions of yourself, you could start seeing that because the mistake that we make is, Oh, that's me. I'm an asshole. Oh, that's me. I should've done that.
No, that's a version of you. Right. And then name the version of yourself. That is what I call the King. The King is the one that makes decisions based on serving the kingdom, not serving you. Right. And then another, another avatar is the warrior. The warrior is the one that just goes out there and makes things happen.
He's like your general, right? So you have a peasant. You have the warrior, you have the dark warrior, and then you have the king. And then you start naming those versions. And then through the day, ask yourself, how are you showing up? Who's running the show? Is it the peasant? [00:28:00] Maybe 50 percent complaining being a victim.
Is it the dark warrior burning shit to the ground, wanting to drink, wanting to, to create a sabotage your business and your marriage? Or is it the king? Is, is it the king or the warrior? So my job every single day is to feed the version that I want to exude the most. Mm-hmm, . And to co not to control, but to be less of that dark warrior and give the dark warrior something to do.
And when things, when I need to execute on my business, usually the dark warrior comes in and makes things happen when I'm at the gym. It's usually when I let him out freely, when I need to like, really, you know, give us a good workout. This past couple of weeks, it was Memorial Day. We started doing the, the Murph workout, right?
Yeah. Warrior loves that shit. He goes in, man. He does it. I mean, I want to quit, but don't worry. We're not quitting tonight. Then we did CrossFit the other day. Like the same thing. I'm not quitting. So then you have to have an outlet for each version of this. Even the peasant serves this purpose, frankly, the peasant is trying to protect you because he's afraid.
Oh, we're going to get killed. We're [00:29:00] not going to have enough. Well, the. If you operate like a peasant, of course, you're not going to make the right decisions because the peasant is always focused on scarcity. He's driven by fear. So it's just about feeding that version of yourself. Which version are you going to feed on a daily basis the most?
Franklin: The way I've thought about that lately is ultimately, who do I want to be as a husband, as a father, like what does that man look like? And in the moment, am I acting in alignment Am I responding in alignment with with pursuing that version of me and also I think for men to realize when we're highly emotional and in a reactionary state, it's very likely that we're not what our emotions are telling us to do in the moment are not in alignment with being that higher version of ourselves that we ultimately want when we're clear headed and clear minded.
Raul: Yeah, 100 percent what I, what I call emotional fitness, men don't have [00:30:00] emotional fitness. We either too emotional. Like we, we feel everything or we lack emotion and we feel nothing, right? So I call emotional fitness, knowing how to handle and manage your emotions. I have this mantra said, I am not my thoughts.
I'm not my feelings. I am not my emotions. I am the awareness of my thoughts, feelings, and emotions that because I'm the awareness, I have to step back and choose. Is this emotion serving me to what you said, becoming who I want to become? Is this emotion helping me or is hindering me? You know, so part of anger, fear, all those emotions are part of us.
You know, what happens is that we try to get rid of all the bad emotions and we only want to feel the good emotions, right? I just want to be happy. I just want to feel my purpose. People ask me, I said, Raul, of course you're happy because you're fulfilling your purpose. Of course you, you, you have the edge.
I said, you don't know all this shit I have to go through in the daily basis. To get to do what I do. I have marketing, I have sales, I have employees, I have tax, I [00:31:00] have all these things. So 80 percent of my time is managing my stage so I can make better decisions. So I get to do what I love. I fulfill my purpose.
But people want things to be easy. Men want the easy way. I said, don't ask for life to be easy. Ask life to be worth it. Do you want an easy life? Yeah, well live an average life, you know, get, get a paycheck from the government. You know, I have tenants that live in the, they don't get jobs, it's just the government takes care of them.
Right. And I asked him to get a job. Like, why would I get a job? The government's take care of me. Well, it's an easy life. But if you want to make a difference. It's going to be fucking hard, it's going to be hard. And maybe that triggers certain people because, you know, we're so used to like, God is going to provide or God is going to give it to you.
I believe God gives us the tools and God gives us the opportunity. God is looking for a man who, who he could bless, but not the way that you and I think blessed, like, Oh, give me, give me no, the more, the bigger, the impact, the bigger, the challenge. So [00:32:00] if you look at the Bible, every single prophet had to overcome major challenges, nothing came easy.
Even when Jesus came in, it wasn't easy, it wasn't, I am a son of God, all of a sudden I am, I am here, no. He paid the price, he was ultimately crucified, so what do you think they're going to do to you and I? Right, so if we're in this path of being leaders, if we're in this path of becoming the conduit for God, We can't expect life to be easy.
We just gotta get stronger. That's what I pray every day. Strength, certainty, wisdom, understanding, health. And I pray that God just continue, continues to guide me.
Franklin: And I think that it doesn't get easier. I know my experience has been, my capacity has grown to handle bigger problems without it being as stressful, but it seems like the problems just kind of continue to grow outside of that.
So I'm always being pushed and I have to wake up every morning, go through the same process and re. recalibrate and recenter myself and get myself back on point. And the majority of the time when I [00:33:00] roll out of bed, I mean, there's a big difference between that guy and who I am when I walk out the door.
And if I didn't go through the process, it'd be a tough day.
Raul: You know, you've said it before with some of the podcasts, you've been listening to my daily edge message, right? You know, at the beginning, I made a challenge to myself to do it for one week. And I'm going to do it one week. You know how long it should take me to do that two, three minute rant on, on the phone?
Just throw a wild guess how long that took me to, to, uh, record the two, three minute ranch at the beginning. Oh, you, you probably keep rerecording it for an hour, an average, an hour, an hour and a half. Cause I was in my head. I'm like, Oh man, you know what? I, I, you know what? Let me just erase it. Let me say it again.
Let me say it this way. Let me say it that way. So the first week was the roughest week. Right. And I put myself a challenge. Okay. Let me do another week. And then another week, I've been doing this for three and a half years. We have over 3000 of those daily edge messages. And now it's one take, one [00:34:00] take, like 99 percent of the time, it's just one take because it's conditioning is doing the hard things that eventually the hard things that are right now that you're experiencing are going to be easy in the future, but they're not going to be easy unless you put in the hard work now.
And then once it becomes easy, then you have to pick another hard thing to do another hard thing. So a good friend is Joe, um, the scene, uh, the, the CEO of a Spartan Spartan racing. And he's always telling me, Raul, just do hard shit, do hard shit. That's how you build your business. Do a hard shit. Most men are not willing to do a hard shit.
That's why you said you have the edge because you're willing to do a hard shit because most men are not willing to do hard shit.
Franklin: Yeah. I stopped drinking. Uh, last, was it? Hard shit. Easter Sunday of 2023. Stop drinking. Awesome. I didn't have like what I would call a problem, but it caused anxiety and just something I was just no longer willing to tolerate.
But what's been interesting is I've also feel like I've experienced more pain since I've done that because I didn't have any way to numb it out or [00:35:00] sedated or even lessen it just a little bit. But the more we We allow ourselves to feel it. I feel like it builds resilience. And then when we, we do kind of grow our capacity, it's almost like God just kind of turns the heat up a little bit.
He's like, okay, I need you to handle a little bit more.
Raul: So when, when I went through my, uh, tunnel, I stopped drinking for two years. Uh, and there was like cold turkey, two years, not a one, be a beer. I even became vegetarian. I went through a place where I was, I was, almost monk status. My wife was like, are you becoming a monk?
I was going to let my hair grow. I was, we were just talking about it. When I came back from India, like I wanted to get clean, right? Two years I spent that way. Then I started having a different relationship with alcohol. It was more like fun and party. And then my wife and I will go to date nights and we'll drink and we have fun.
It was nothing crazy. But then as my kids got older, I started hearing the conversations Like, Hey, remember that that day, my dad got drunk in the, in the, in the vacation. Remember that? And they probably see me drunk four times in their lifetime, but [00:36:00] their experience of me being drunk, I'm a fun drunk, like I'll, I'll, but the alter version of me as Jay Z.
So I start rapping. Imagine you rapping. I'm going crack. I was like, I've been in stages. I was, uh, at a Oscar after party and I was in the stage introducing a couple of rappers. It's just, I'm a fun drunk. Like if I go, if I go to Vegas drunk, man, it's, it's, it's the movie hangover thing was, it was recorded in one of our outgoings with my friends, but I wasn't a bad drunk.
It was just, I like to be happy. Right. But I started noticing my kids referring as that version of me. So I said, you know what? I don't, I, that doesn't serve me anymore. I don't want, I don't, I don't want my kids to know that version of me as, especially as they get older. I don't want to have anything. Like my daughter was 16 at that point at that time.
And someone was 17. I said, I don't want at that age. I don't want to have any regrets. So my son and I, we made a bet. He said that I bet you don't stop drinking. And I stopped having sugar. So let's see who, who wins. So he thought it was going to be like a couple of [00:37:00] months. How long do you think we've been doing this?
challenge. No sugar for him and no alcohol for me. Oh, wow. I'm going to say a year. It's coming to two years, two years by my son, no sugar. And he's that's impressive. Yeah. That's super impressive. He lost about 30 pounds. He's looking ripped. And I haven't, I haven't felt this good in a long time. Physically.
Like for me, like I told him, I told him yesterday, I said, listen, you, if you want to have a sugar, we'll call the bed off, but I'm not going back to drinking. I don't see myself drinking like just the aftermath of drinking. Like for me, I mean, it put me in a complete different path of just focusing on my health.
Or making sure that I'm like, uh, I'm, I'm dialed in. So, but alcohol has no, like, I could have a drink, I could have shots, like has no power over me anymore. But that was a choice. So I think that's where the, what I wanted to go with is because a lot of us will make things wrong. And because we make them wrong, it has power over us.
So if you [00:38:00] say alcohol is bad, you shouldn't drink alcohol because you're going to go to hell. Well, it has power because you want it. To have things that sometimes you, you can have, but that doesn't have power over you, like sex addiction. You know, like if you talk about it, you know, if it has power over you, it's not coming from God because the only one that has power over you should be God.
And then you have to submit. And we are flesh. Like we see a beautiful woman. We have, I tell myself all the time, the feminine energy is to be admired. You can feel bad that you're looking at a beautiful, beautiful woman. But if, if your thoughts go farther, like what I will do, then you are going into that path.
So you have to just be aware. And he's, yeah, he's 18. I'm trying to control his hormones. No, I said, it's okay. You're going to have those thoughts. It's normal. Don't guilt and shame yourself. Because that's the worst level of energy. Appreciate it. Just know that it's energy, but you have to learn how to
Franklin: navigate the energy.
You said it a second ago, and I think, and it ties into exactly what you're talking [00:39:00] about right now. That idea of, this does not serve me anymore, I think is one of the most powerful perspectives and frames to look at things through. Especially as we, we get older and we've got responsibility for our families and our kids and we've got employees or whatever the case may be when you when you put things into the it's a right or wrong good bad it's a sin or it's not a sin that adds the guilt it adds the shame and a lot of times that can give a clause to hold on to us even longer rather than just saying hey does this serve me In order to be the father, the husband, and the leader that I ultimately want to be.
And it releases that, that guilt and shame and just allows you to take a, I think a better view on it and just let it go if it doesn't. I mean, and I've done that with several things where I just like, you know, it just, I don't have a problem with it. I don't have a problem with drinking or like the other day, like super practical, just the other day, [00:40:00] you know, I'd like to smoke a cigar every now and then.
I But then my daughter and my son are like, well, you're telling me not to smoke. You got cigars. So what gives? And I, and I realized it's like, well. This just doesn't serve me to be the example of a father to them that I want to be. So I just gave them all away.
Raul: But it has no power over you. See, that's, that's the thing, but you did it not out of guilt, not out of shame.
Oh, what are they going to think if I have a cigar, a cigar, what are they going to think of a drink? It's not, that's where you have to make it. When I have guys over and they say, you want to drink, drink. I'm not here to preach that you have to be holy. I'm trying to help you get to where you want. Does this serve you or does it serve you?
Is this useful or not useful? So when you start looking from that frame, now who's guiding you? How are you connected? Like it's like for me, alcohol disconnects me from the source. So the more connected I feel to the source, to God, I'll do whatever I need to do in order for me to stay connected. And what's
Franklin: interesting too, once you get like, you get rid of that first thing, right?[00:41:00]
You get a little bit sharper and then you notice that next thing that's in your way. It's kind of like you remove the boulder and you realize there's 10 other boulders that were hiding behind it. So, so you move the one and then you keep going and going and you're just able to get sharper and sharper as a, as a man that just allows you to show up.
And then lo and behold, all the areas of your life seem to continue to improve.
Raul: And here's what I want to caution the guys that listen to this podcast, when you in this path, just know that the enemy is going to attack you. Just know that there's enemy attacks. And when I started this path, frankly, I wanted to quit every single time that I put an event together.
Every single time that I had a bootcamp experience, I told God, this is my last time. It's my last time. I was always, always in a place of like, it's not good enough. Right. If it wasn't for my wife who always called out on my shoes, call me out on my shoes. Like, well, Is this truly what you want? You said, this is what you wanted.
Give it one more shot between my wife, between God. You always have to have [00:42:00] people around you that don't let you play small because it's easy to be around people. I have frankly, you tried. Oh, you did it. You're good enough. Now you gotta, you gotta let God develop your story. So say that because you know, when I, when I tell my coaching clients that just because you decided to have the edge, it doesn't mean that, Hey, I pay you all of a sudden it's a cure.
No, actually be careful what you ask for because now you're paying for me to help you see all the shit that you're doing that you need to change. And it's going to be hard. And the enemy is at your doorstep. The enemy is knocking on your door. Your job is to stay strong, knowing that you, the best is yet to come.
That's my favorite mantra. The best is yet to come. So you have to let go of all the shit that doesn't serve you. So you could build the man that you were destined to be. And the only way to do it is one day at a time. It's not gonna happen overnight, but one day at a time.
Franklin: I really appreciate and love that you pointed that out [00:43:00] because as soon as we step up, stand up, we may or we were a target.
Right. I mean, if we're just, if we're on the easy path or if we're not trying to make a difference, if we're falling asleep, you know, on duty, then we're not a threat. But the second we start to step up and do something different, I believe you're right. The enemy does look at that and go, Oh, this guy's a threat.
And now I'm going to go after him. And so. It's, it doesn't come without a cost, not only in terms of like the, the work that it takes, but then the, the resistance that you get in the process.
Raul: And the moment that you start living with purpose, Franklin, we tend to go with the people that we love the most and ask for validation.
Hey, how do you think about this? And what do you think about that? Most people know the older version of you, so they're not going to validate what you're doing. They're actually going to think that you're crazy. They're actually going to think that, who do you think you are type of energy, right? We've got to go beyond that.
The market will determine, not the people around you now. Like if [00:44:00] I look at my clients who are right now, 10 years ago when I started this journey, I wouldn't be able to even have a conversation with the guys that I'm coaching now, let alone have them pay me. Tens of thousands of dollars to work with me, right?
So the evolution happened when I stepped out of my circle, stepped out of my bubble. And that was my biggest challenge. I mean, I'm in real estate. Who are people that would think I am? If I'm have a podcast, if I have a YouTube channel, if I'm doing videos, the moment that I started just like pushing through, but not giving a shit what people thought about me, then people started to be attracted to the energy.
So a lot of men fear they, what are they going to think of me, energy, what are they going to say about me instead of just doing what they were called to do. And I think more men need to need to share their message, the message of, of being in the darkness to find their light.
Franklin: It's what we're looking for and what more men need to hear.
And it's really [00:45:00] important, especially for leaders to step out and share, because then when, when you share, it gives. permission to the next man to share and it creates a safe space for him to share, which is really what, what he needs more than anything. I've experienced sitting around some campfires lately with some men and, and we get into some real conversation like that where we're sharing the things that we're struggling with, worried about, um, concerned about.
And it's interesting once that first man goes and shares, The others opens up and the other men share that stuff too. But what's interesting that I've noticed is no one is there that they, they desire other men who can hold space, but they are not looking for another man to take it away either. Like not one of them was saying, I wish I didn't have to deal with this or I wish I didn't have to face it.
They just needed those men around them to give them a bit of extra strength.
Raul: You know what, the mantra that I, that I tell [00:46:00] my guys to remember is that shit could always be worse. Shit could always be worse. The moment that you, the moment that you start looking at what you have, and you realize that, man, I'll stay with my challenge.
Like I'm, I'm good.
Franklin: I love on your, on your podcast, you mentioned a second ago, you said the best is yet to come. And it's really like, it's just such a powerful mindset and way of going through life. Approaching things, what is one of the, I guess, most powerful things you see when it comes to shifting mindset and perspective for men who come in the door and that, that allow them to start winning at home and winning not just in business, but in their personal life and their professional life.
Raul: It's just realizing that as a man, everything is on you. Everything is on you. If you're not happy with your marriage, it's your fault. If your kids are not happy, it's your fault. If your business is not producing, it's your fault. So the moment that you take a hundred percent full ownership and realize that you are the problem, but guess what?
You're also the solution. So [00:47:00] you also have the opportunity. So the more ownership that we take, the more opportunity we're going to have. A lot of people are looking to blame and say, well, it's my wife or my kids or the market or the government or the president, right? Everything is on you. So don't worry about who's, who's running outside is who's running the inside game because leadership is an inside game.
So what I want to tell my clients is if you want to become a better leader, it all starts with you. You've got to work on yourself. You have to work on, on your patterns, on your triggers. Because if your wife is triggering you, then she has the power. If your kids are triggering, then they have the power.
If the market's triggering, then you have the power. So you've got to work on yourself to the point that nothing around you triggers you because you know who you are and you adapt, you adjust, and you keep on executing.
Franklin: That is beautifully said rule. I want to be, uh, I want to be respectful of your time today.
You've been very generous with it and share just so many really powerful perspectives that I know is going to help some men who hear this. And so [00:48:00] first and foremost, thank you so much for your time. Just a real honor and really, really pleasure for anyone who would want to connect with you. What? What would be the best way to do that?
Raul: I think I think the best way and that I believe will create a bigger, biggest impact for your community is just download my my app. Edge 100 app dot com. Just go to the Google store or the Apple store. Edge 100 app. We've created this app, Franklin. That it makes it so easy for people to track their habits and it's backed by AI.
So it's not just like, Oh, I'm going to just put in my habits. No, they, the AI is going to analyze your habits in the daily basis. You're going to track whether you're winning or you're losing the game of life. Because everybody's looking for balance, frankly, and I tell people balance doesn't exist. It's integration that wins the game.
So how you do anything is how you do everything. It's going to, it's going to track your body. How are you doing for your body, which is your health, your being, your connection with God or your spiritual connection, your [00:49:00] business, your ability to make money and produce, and your bonds, which is your relationships.
And also I teach you their daily ritual that I have there. And I have a section for accountability, meaning doing the things that you say you're going to do. And most important, the reframe of the King's code. What happened during the day that actually you could find that God is finding the guidance from God.
So when you have those seven steps, I call it the seven habits of a King. Every single day, you know, whether you're winning or you're losing the game. And also my daily edge is there. My audio book is there and I'm even putting all my exclusive content in that app. So it's a, it's a 30 day free trial. And after that, it's only 10 bucks is 30 days free.
If you like, if we give you enough value, keep it. If you, if it doesn't serve you, you know, cancel the subscription. I'm here to impact men's lives. I'm here to continue to sharpen every men's edge that they have. And most important, frankly, I'm here. To serve because I know that men need a place where they could feel that they could be real and raw, where they could feel like, man, they see me, like they're not [00:50:00] trying to pump me up.
Like shit is going to be hard. Life is going to be hard. Well, the beautiful thing is you're chosen
Franklin: to leave. That's amazing. We will definitely include a link to that app on the show notes and, uh, roll man. It was an absolute pleasure and honor having you on today. Thank you. Well, thank you so much and God bless you both.
Appreciate it.
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