Franklin: Right now, the world needs great men who will stand up and lead with honor, serve with purpose and courageously fulfill their God given roles as husbands, fathers, leaders, and men. I'm your host, Franklin Swan, bringing you practical tools and powerful conversations you can use every day to build yourself into the man God is calling you to be.
This is the world needs men. Let's go. All right. Welcome back to the world needs men podcast. I've just gotten through, going through a spine fusion. I've mentioned it in a couple of podcasts, but early May I had a spine injury. A little jiu jitsu accident. Gave me a pretty massive herniated disc in my neck [00:01:00] between my C5, C6 vertebrae.
Went through, uh, several months of pretty excruciating pain. Finally got in to see a surgeon and, uh, and they got me fixed up. And went through, uh, a fusion, got the disc removed, the pain relieved, spent a couple of weeks in a neck brace, and as of last Friday, I'm out of a neck brace, pain free, uh, not having to take any pain meds, and it feels like absolute freedom.
And this has been the most challenging physical thing I've ever dealt with. And as I was going through it, and after the surgery, I sat down and, and I thought, you know, I really should take a moment to write down the lessons that I have learned as I've gone through this. I think life can move so fast and things come up and problems and challenges come up.
And when they're, when we're in the midst of them, it can seem like they're just [00:02:00] never ending. If it seems like this is how things are going to be, it's never going to change. And the minutes just drag by. And then all of a sudden, you know, at some point, you know, we overcome the challenge, we move on, things resolve or heal, and we just kind of keep going.
And It's far too easy to move forward without reflection, without learning, without looking at, you know, what did this experience teach me? And I think that we miss the greatest opportunity in front of us when we do that. And so, I thought, hey, I'll just share the lessons I learned from having the worst pain I've ever experienced, having my first surgery, having a spine fusion.
And maybe this will, uh, will help a few men today, so I'm going to go through it. Here we go. Lesson number one that I learned was that no matter how little you can do, you can always do something. You were [00:03:00] never in a position where you have zero options. I like to lift. I like to run. I'm very active. I couldn't do any of those things, but I could walk.
I could walk. I could still cold plunge. I could do squats and lunges. I couldn't lift and put things overhead, but there were things that I could do. I could train my mind better. I could focus on my family more. I spent more time at home. I spent, uh, more time allowing other people around me to help out, which took a little bit of a, uh, you know, hit to my pride and my ego.
But there's always more that you can do, no matter how little it is that you can. And when we focus on what we can do, it's often still far more than what we can't. Lesson number two, laughter is the best pain reliever. that I've ever experienced. There were moments when the pain was so bad, but if I could, if I could [00:04:00] lighten the moment by having some laughter, by having some humor, by trying to brighten somebody else's day, that got my mind off the pain more than anything else.
And it, not only did it make my pain better, but it also helped another person out by brightening their day a little bit. So the best pain relief was just some good old fashioned laughter. Lesson number three, a good friend will make even the darkest moments a little brighter. There were several times where I just was probably not in depression, but I was just feeling, feeling depressed, feeling down, feeling, uh, sorry for myself a lot of the time and just struggling.
And I'd go out for a walk and I'd call up a buddy and get on the phone or someone would, you know, just happen to walk by that I know. And I'd start talking, I'd start sharing, and there [00:05:00] is not one time when a good friend who could sit there and hold some space wouldn't brighten my day. And by the time I got done with the conversation, by the time I got done with the walk, I had a completely different outlook, I had a completely different perspective.
And it was the best encouragement that I could have found. So if you're struggling with anything right now, a good friend is one of the greatest gifts and lean in on that. I leaned in on my friendships big time and I would call at least one or two men every day and just connect and that was massively helpful.
Lesson number four, apologize less, say thank you more. I don't know if you've ever experienced this, but there were moments when I would, I would want to apologize for the interruption that my injury caused other people or the inconvenience. I would apologize to my wife that it was interrupting our life.
I would apologize to my team members. [00:06:00] And what I actually realized is that this was my ego talking. This was my pride. It is weird and kind of backwards as that sounds. That wasn't a, a real apology. That was my pride. And that was this level of wanting to not show weakness. But when I would flip that and instead of apologizing, say thank you for, for how supportive you've been as I've gone through this.
Thank you for your patience. Thank you for your kindness. Thank you for how you've helped. I didn't need to apologize in that moment. I needed to express gratitude. I needed to thank people who were around me, who loved me, who were reaching out, who were caring for me. Like, that's what I needed to do. Not apologize that they were having to be inconvenienced, but express gratitude for the fact that they were showing up and doing so much.
Lesson number five, sometimes it's okay to not be okay. I had a good friend reach out one day and [00:07:00] said, you know, it's okay to not be okay. And I'm recording a podcast. Can you come back? So sometimes it's, it's okay to not be okay. I had a good buddy of mine reach out. And told me that and that helped take the pressure off and it helped me realize, you know what, you don't always have to have it all together.
Some days are just not going to be a win. Some days are going to be a loss. And you know what, that's okay because you can wake up the next day and you can get back after it and you can keep moving and keep going. And just because you lose one day doesn't mean you lose everything. And that just kind of took a little bit of the pressure off and, and allowed me to just take a breath and be in the moment.
And be okay with not being okay. Lesson number six, temporarily losing your health is the best reminder of just how precious your health is. We live in a world that makes it far too easy [00:08:00] to, not just to neglect our health, but to just run it into the ground. There's just so much. What we can eat, what we can put in our bodies, what we can just sit around and binge on, that just ruins our health.
But when we get a wake up call that's like, oh man, I can't do all these things, like here's a real health issue, here is a real health problem. And my health at this point, at this moment, is gone to a large degree. You just find out how precious your health really is. And it was just a great reminder to me of how important it is for us men to invest in our health every day.
When we're on the sidelines because we don't take care of ourselves physically, that means that our family has to come along and pick up the slack and take on what should be our load. And some of us listening to this won't be there for our kids one day when our daughter's walking down the aisle, or [00:09:00] when our son, you know, calls us and says, Mom, Dad, come to the hospital.
Like, are you gonna, because we're, we're having our first child, are you gonna be there? or not. And if you're not taking care of your health, you may find yourself in that spot in that situation. So don't wait for a health problem or a, or a scare. Don't wait for that to start taking care of yourself. Your physical health is one of the most precious things you have.
And it becomes abundantly clear how much all of our life revolves around that. Your relationships are impacted by it. Your ability to work, your ability to create value in this world, your ability to just experience life in all of its marvelous ways. Like it all hinges on our health. So take care of yourself.
Lesson number seven, focusing on the problem too much can make it worse. Focus on the solution. This is simple and this is pretty, I mean, almost [00:10:00] cliche, but when you focus on the problem, it expands the problem. It magnifies the problem. When you focus on the solution, you can move forward. You know, it can be pretty easy to feel despair and to feel hopeless when all you do is look at the problem in front of you.
But when you look at the solution and when you start taking even the smallest action in that direction, then you have hope. Then you can feel yourself moving forward. Then you can see some light at the end of the tunnel. And in those moments where I found myself just focusing on the problem, the problem would get worse and the problem would get bigger.
You may have a problem in your life right now that it's getting bigger and it's getting worse because you just keep focusing on the problem rather than focusing on the solutions and getting after that solution. So, don't focus on the problem so much, focus on the solution. Lesson number eight. There's nothing [00:11:00] on earth as valuable as a loving, loyal wife by your side.
Of all that I experienced over the past few months. There is nothing that impacted my life more profoundly than my wife. She found me the right doctor. She gave me the right advice. I wasn't even gonna go get an MRI, and she's like, go get an MRI. This is a problem. Something's going on. This is serious. And I was downplaying it, and I thought, ah, it's no big deal.
If it wasn't for her, I would have been in a radically worse position. I would have not even come close to having the same outcome. And don't wait, men, for something tragic or something life threatening or something that's so big to have to come along and remind you of just how [00:12:00] valuable, priceless it is.
To have a, a wife by your side who truly loves you and is loyal and adoring and, and is there in your dark moments. Of all the things I experienced, that was the greatest gift and that was the greatest lesson and the best reminder. I already knew it, but I just saw it even deeper. I saw it even, even more clearly during this, uh, these past few months.
Lesson number nine, men, you're not that special. What was amazing Going through this, when I began to talk to other people, how many other people had had a spine injury before? How many other people have dealt with fusions and disc issues and herniated discs? Either them or someone they knew. And what I realized is, Everyone around you is dealing with a problem and most of the times you don't even know about it until you have yours and then they share and say, Oh, yeah, I've dealt with that problem too.[00:13:00]
So you're not that special and we need to not feel too sorry for ourselves because other people have probably dealt with it. Other people have gone through it. Other people have far worse problems. than we're probably dealing with right now. And so, it just is helpful to put a little perspective on it.
And I think it's also helpful to realize, like, when we're going through something challenging, that we're not the only one dealing with stuff, you know. Finally, lesson number 10, don't waste a good challenge. Learn something from it. Grow from it. If you were the same person after a challenge as you were before, then there's no benefit to it.
You're just, whoever you are, like, you're the same person, you just went through a challenge. You've got to take the challenge as an opportunity to grow and to learn, to become more, to gain more perspective and wisdom and insight. Like, who you are before a [00:14:00] challenge should be different when you're past the challenge.
Who I am today, hopefully, is someone who has a greater, greater empathy for people in chronic pain, greater sympathy for people going through challenges, greater appreciation and gratitude for all the gifts that I have in my life. Like, there are so many things that should be different now, today, in who I am, than were true before this.
And then what happens is every single challenge just becomes another opportunity to learn more, to grow more, to become more. And ultimately that's so that you can do more, so that you can be a better husband, so that you can be a better father, a better leader, a better man. but we don't get there if we don't face some challenges and we don't get there if we don't take the value that's inside of that challenge to learn and to grow.
[00:15:00] So those are the 10 lessons that I learned going through this, uh, this spine surgery. And I can sit here on the back side of it and I can have gratitude for it. I can be grateful for it and actually realize that at the end of the day, I'm going to be a version of myself that wouldn't be possible had I not gone through this.
And because of that, I wouldn't go back and change a thing. I would go through the same thing again. I would go through the whole experience again. Because I know that who I am now. And who I'm still becoming through this is going to be more than I could have become without it. So I can have a deep sense of gratitude in the midst of it.
Man, I hope this, uh, this serves you well in some way today. I want to switch gears real quick. I was having lunch with a, uh, a buddy of mine. And, and we were [00:16:00] talking about the podcast and we're talking about why I started doing this. This has been, this podcast has been one of the most challenging things emotionally for me that, that I've ever done.
Uh, because it's been so honest and open, but at the heart of it, The reason I started doing this is because I know that there's a man listening to this podcast right now and you're in a deep, dark place. You're, you're in pain in your body or maybe you're in pain in your marriage or maybe you're in pain with your kids or with your, or your job or you just look in the mirror every single day.
And you feel lost, and you feel desperate, and you feel like you don't have anyone to talk to, and you don't feel like anyone would understand. And so the beginning of this podcast was just, hey, how can I, as someone who has been in those dark places, as someone who has experienced a lot of different pain, and found my way out of it, and [00:17:00] Found the resources.
How can I share and how can I help and how can I serve and what is begun to happen is people have started to reach out and people have asked questions and people have dropped hints and and I'm having having lunch with my friend and he's like, so when are you gonna help men in a more meaningful way.
And we got to talking about it and, and I became convinced and I became convicted that I know there's more I can do. And the man I'm talking to right now is the man who is listening to this and struggling and trying to figure out things out and then going, okay, but I want more. I need more. Maybe your marriage is hanging on by a thread.
Maybe, maybe your body is beat up and you've trashed it for so long and you don't know what to do or you, you can't figure out how to, how to connect with your kids or your, or your business is struggling.[00:18:00]
I know that when I was in my tough spots, there were men who had been in the same dark space I was in, but had found their way out and began to talk about it and begin to share and begin to lead. And so what I want to do is, begin to offer and share today is the opportunity to jump on a phone call and to see if you would be a fit to work with me.
And a big part of me is like, Franklin, you're, you're not even qualified for this. Who, who are you to lead other men? And the reality is that every man that's led me and helped me has asked the same thing. And there is someone out there Who I'm called to serve, and there's someone out there that I'm called to help.
And so this, I've done 35 plus podcasts now, gone through over half the year, wow, over half [00:19:00] the year getting podcasts out. And it's time. It's time for me to open that up. And so if this is speaking to you right now. All it is, is a phone call with me, look below at the bottom of this, and you can either DM me on, on Instagram at the world needs men or send me an email.
And, uh, when we get on a phone call and have a chat, it's that simple. That's how my journey started. And that's, that could be how your journey starts. And so this may reach no one. It may reach someone and that someone may be you and that someone may be, may be a man who. Who desperately needs another man who has been in a dark space and understands what it's like and needs, needs someone to turn on the light.
If that's you, men, reach out. No man fights alone. And when we fight alone, when we fight in isolation, That's when we lose the battle. [00:20:00] So that's all I've got for today. Let's go.
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